SRS ANON THREAD: My wife clean for 5 years used coke 3 times

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by i killed tupac, Dec 15, 2008.

  1. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2005
    Messages:
    36,662
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    this toilet earth
    ANON

    The reason I am posting anon is because I have a security clearance. It may not matter but you never know. I don't want anything to get dug up.

    My wife was a drug user long before I met her. She had a hard road to recovery and I'm still not sure how many types of drugs she was into. We have been together about 3 years now and she has been clean as far as hard drugs go. She did use weed now and then but my constant nagging plus her supplier moved away has squashed that.

    Fast forward to present day. We have a 15mo child and I travel 5 months out of the year overseas. Usually we stay in touch regularly when I'm on the road but this trip has been very different. I suspected that she was cheating on me, boy was I wrong. She confessed and said she pulled $200 from the account and bought coke from our next door neighbors. (They just moved in a few months ago and I could tell something was going on over there) I was happy that she confessed but then she told me she used it 3 times. She apologized over and over and tried to rationalize it by saying she only does it after our daughter goes to bed. I let her know that does not make it right. At this point I am incredibly angry and there is nothing I can do about it because i'm 4k miles away. Eventually we patched things up and she convinced me that she was done. This took about 3 hours of chatting.

    Today I log onto our bank account and $300 is missing. WTF. I text her asking what is going on. (We never do ATM withdrawls..ever) I got no response, so i text her again asking if she isn't quitting it. Finally i text her again and tell her to sign on. She finally does and I begin with the questioning etc. She claims that the neighbors (coke dealer) needed money to buy more stuff to supply people and that we would get the money back tomorrow. Now im thinking, does she really think i'm that stupid? Since when does a coke dealer need a small loan? She insists it wasn't for her to buy anything and that she told them this is the last time they could talk because her family is at risk. (I told her she better get her shit together or Im taking our daughter and divorcing her) They agreed and took the $300 and said they would pay her back tomorrow. Is it safe to say she really took the money out and wants to buy more, or already bought more or could she have really just lent it to them?

    This isn't helping us at all seeing as how she is unemployed and uninsured and our daughter is uninsured. Im the only source of income and my benefits suck. We are barely making it and now she pulls this crap.

    Please help me.

    /ANON
     
  2. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2005
    Messages:
    36,662
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    this toilet earth
    protect your family, call the cops
     
  3. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2007
    Messages:
    1,319
    Likes Received:
    0
    I am so sorry to hear this.

    I will write what I see here, and you tell me if it seems wrong. I am going to be blunt and honest, and direct. It is the best thing I can do over an internet forum.

    1) She never "stopped" of her own volition, rather "for you" and "because it was harder to get". This never works, if she does not authentically want to stop for good, shes gonna use. No "three hours of talking" is going to change the fact that an hour later her mind will want another line - it just happens regardless of her love for you or anyone else.

    2) You only caught $XYZ amount of money, time, energy used on drugs. In these situations, when you can not confirm, it tends to be at least 3 times what she will admit. You are far away and unable to see what she does, and when its substances people go really sour really quick. Would you have had a kid with her if you knew she was a user? Did you plan this child?

    3) You daughter is around someone who is actively using. Fuck, fuck fuck.

    4)Re-evaluate what is keeping you from performing direct action to support your daughter and your wife. Is it more important? This situation needs immediate action, and I do not know if you are willing to drop what you are doing and to do what needs to be done. Protect yourself, which might mean "drop what you are doing and protect yourself" if the situation arises. Do not doubt that you will find a empty bankbook and a missing kid if her dealer is next door.

    Your in my prayers.
     
  4. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2005
    Messages:
    36,662
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    this toilet earth
    polish, you are right on many levels
     
  5. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2005
    Messages:
    36,662
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    this toilet earth
    ANON (not from original poster):

    Along the lines of the $300 "loan."

    Coming from a family where my father has been an on/off coke user for about 30 years I've seen/heard this from him many times. Mysteriously $500 here, $1000 there, a random $1500, etc. just disappears. He claimed he wasn't using and he "owed" it to his dealer.

    I finally got the truth from him about 2 years ago. He is a prominent teacher in a community, everyone knows him. He's been teaching for 33 years now at the same place and has parents of students who were formerly his students as well. His dealer knows all about this. Many times his dealer would blackmail him, basically calling him up and saying he will expose him unless he gets $1000 tonight. Most the time this would occur shortly after he was using. Sometimes it wasn't blackmail and it was actually because his dealer fronted him more product than he had money for, and then attached a HUGE interest charge.

    My dad not wanting to get exposed and possibly lose his job would steal the money from my mother just to get his dealer to stop. One time they came to our house coked out of their heads with a gun pounding on the door asking for the money.

    This could be a possibility. Maybe they fronted her more than $200 worth and then came collecting? Being a drug user she thought on the short term and not about what she would do when they asked for the rest. Maybe they're blackmailing her. She could have told them, or maybe they found out otherwise (being your neighbor) that you are in some type of position of importance (you mentioned the security clearance). They could be blackmailing her, maybe not.

    Knowing what my father did the majority of the time I'm going to guess she bought some blow on credit and owed them money, and possibly still owes them more. Or she just decided to use again.

    Expose the neighbors, get them shut down and out of there ASAP. Divorce your wife and take your daughter. My dad was clean for 5 years at one point, drug and alcohol, and then one day we didn't see him for 4 days and he wound up in a hospital. He hasn't been clean for more than 6-8 months since then. At this point he doesn't do it more than every 6 months or so, but he still will do it from time to time. And when he does it he goes crazy, fast.

    Sorry to hear about it. My mom stayed with him because she is not strong enough to be on her own, but every time he does something stupid she wishes she had just divorced him when I was 1 and gotten it over with."

    /ANON
     
  6. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2004
    Messages:
    23,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NoVA
    Anon,

    Your wife was never clean. Period. If she was doing drugs of any sort (including alcohol) then she is still using. To an addict, weed and alcohol are just as dangerous as heroin or crack. You need to tell her to get into a rehab or you're going to take your child and leave her. And you need to actually do that if she doesn't comply. Otherwise the likelihood of your child growing up to be an addict will greatly increase. Please, for the love of your child, do something about this. Don't trust your wife. She either goes into rehab/recovery or you and your child need to leave her. Period.
     
  7. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2007
    Messages:
    1,319
    Likes Received:
    0
    I disagree with this. The "clean time" when you are not in recovery is still possible - it just is not sustainable. She probably was clean for a few months, but feel back into her old ways. This is how addictions work.
     
  8. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2004
    Messages:
    23,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NoVA
    I'm not saying a person can't be clean without recovery. I, myself, was clean for over 3 years before I went into recovery. I didn't smoke weed or drink in that time though. I highly doubt she was ever truly "clean" though if she had no problem with smoking weed. Odds are she has been drinking and smoking weed on a regular basis, especially if the husband hasn't been around to keep an eye on her.
     
  9. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2007
    Messages:
    1,319
    Likes Received:
    0
    im confused, but lets agree
     
  10. uneek

    uneek OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2003
    Messages:
    12,002
    Likes Received:
    0
    I just want to say that if the loan story is true, then I wonder if that's even worse than her spending the $300 to buy drugs.

    if its a loan, she is fronting money to a drug dealer and is now an accomplice, or worse. maybe it's blackmail, as has been mentioned.

    since you have a security clearance, I don't know what to tell you, but if it were me (and I dont have a clearance) I would either (a) turn everything over to the police, which could turn out badly for the wife, or (b) beat the neighbors senseless.
     
  11. V!

    V! New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2004
    Messages:
    28,709
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Local MOTOGP Track
    This is a problem which you don't need to be associating yourself with.

    Should your wife get into trouble with the neighbors and somehow get in trouble with the police, what is your daughter going to do when mom is in jail and dad is overseas?

    She needs to clean up her act and not associate with shady characters next door.

    Oh, she's using coke way more then 3 times.
     
  12. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2007
    Messages:
    1,319
    Likes Received:
    0
    This is officially the worst, most incomplete, and most trivial advice I have ever read.
     
  13. ZSPTurbo

    ZSPTurbo New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2008
    Messages:
    2,715
    Likes Received:
    0
    actually I think maybe this is the worst advice ever:

    Specifically B. The idea of trying to intimidate or beat on a coke dealer to resolve a problem is probably the stupidest thing anyone has ever said... except for the crack head who decided to rob his crack dealer.

    Seriously wtf are you thinking?



    If she doesn't go into rehab, divorce her. I have an addictive personality and know what it is like. I've never been to rehab but then again I've never used any serious drug more than once or twice - I had to sense to know that I'm an addict and was able to cut it off. But even with something as silly as weed, I have "relapsed" several times. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE ADDICTS POWER TO JUSTIFY THE IRRATIONAL TO THEMSELVES!!!
     
  14. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2007
    Messages:
    1,319
    Likes Received:
    0
    I seriously thought that one was trolling, so I ignored it.
     
  15. Fiasco

    Fiasco New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Messages:
    2,772
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'd check your account transactions from the past 4-5 months just to make sure this is the only time it's happened.

    Also... what kind of sane person loans money to drug dealers?

    Fuck that... what kind of person buys from the dealer next door when they have a young child? Stupid much?

    I suspect she's lying to you. Is it safe to wait until you get home to do anything about it?
     
  16. profuse007

    profuse007 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2006
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    you gotta do something about the money/bank issue.

    dealer being next door, down the street, or walking distance is a no-no.

    never trust a drug user, plain and simple. you got a second job now on your shoulder and look after your wife.
     
  17. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2005
    Messages:
    19,712
    Likes Received:
    0
    I want to know why you're the only person who's keeping an eye on her. Does she have no friends? Do you have no friends? Chances are, she met you before she had an experience bad enough to make her decide she needs to quit, and now she's got a kid in her care, and drug habits + kids = the worst experiences anyone can have. So, since that's not an option, the other option is for people to put pressure on her to stay clean when you're not around. Do either of you have any people who can do that?
     
  18. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2007
    Messages:
    12,791
    Likes Received:
    20
    Location:
    Nowhere
    Take away her access to the bank account.
     
  19. JamesL

    JamesL wat

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2003
    Messages:
    18,560
    Likes Received:
    0
    Any updates on this situation?
     

Share This Page