SRS anon post: Fucked up situation. Love of my life and my best friend/roommate

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, Nov 4, 2009.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I dont know what to do. My gf and I have been dating for the past 3 years (were both 25). Our relationship had finally gotten over all of our immature bullshit and i finally felt like I had find the one girl I could truly spend the rest of my life with.

    We had our problems in the past like any couple does, but we were always able to work through our issues. Then a bombshell got dropped.

    She had been living with me for about 6 months while she figured out what she was going to do for her new place. At the time she was contemplating moving away to another state because she was young and wanted to do something more adventurous. I understood and I told her I would let her go if she truly desired that. I did not want to be the one who kept her from enjoying life.

    After lots of talking and what not she realized that she did not really need to leave to experience life, she just needed to change her attitude towards life and she would be happy anywhere. She decided to stay. She moved into her own apartment and has really started to love life again.

    During this time our relationship was growing stronger and stronger, I have never thought about marrying someone or having kids with them. But I started to feel like it was something I wanted to do with this girl.

    On Halloween she was drunk and started telling me that my roommate (best friend of 7 years btw) had come on to her and they were spending alot of time together about 3-4 months ago. She said that he told her that he would move away with her and what not. She said she was confused and not sure what she wanted out of life. I asked her if anything happened she denied it ever got too far.

    I confronted my friend about it the next day. He said that he did come onto her, he didnt say they had sex but he said that something happened.

    I confronted her again, she says that she did sleep in his bed but nothing happened.

    I am no angel myself and admitted to having a random hookup about a year ago. We fought and fought for a longtime. We ended up talking eventually and were just not sure what to do. We love each other so much, we really cant believe what pieces of shit we were to each other.

    We both feel like we are different people now and we have made mistakes in the past. It will be hard, maybe impossible, to salvage our relationship. But it seems like something we both want to do.

    I know its stupid and it will probably end in disaster with both of us being more hurt than if we just walked away now. But it just seems like we really have grown up alot and matured into our relationship. Throwing it away without at least trying to save it seems like a waste.

    Has anyone ever come back from something like this and been able to save the relationship? When both parties at one time did awful things to each other but somehow for whatever crazy reasoning think they can forgive each otehr and move on?


    Sorry for the rant. Im just really mixed up right now.
     
  2. rYu

    rYu OT Supporter

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    male and female on a same bed but nothing happened.
     
  3. rYu

    rYu OT Supporter

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    yeah, dude. this one time i was dehydrated like a mother fucker and there was a bottle of ice cold water but it was my friends, so didnt drink it
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    re: ryu

    i know something happened

    we talked some more today; were going to talk to a relationship counselor. we both want to try to make it work but still need to talk about a lot of things
     
  5. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    You cheated on her 2 years into the relationship. All signs hint she has been cheating on you for a while with your best friend and roommate. That's nice you are trying to work it out but really, just think about what you two did to each other. Is this going to work?

    And are you moving away from your supposed best friend? What a disloyal shitstain.
     
  6. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Sounds like you're even so you might as well stay together. You're both cheaters so you deserve each other. At least this way when you cheat again you will just hurt another cheater and not a new innocent person :dunno:
     
  7. CodeX

    CodeX Guest

    Sex is just sex, you can choose to make a big deal out of it or you can realize there are many things that are more important.

    I'm not saying cheating is cool or anything, but I think a lot of people make far to big of a deal over it to let it completely ruin a good relationship over a moment of weakness and a mistake.
     
  8. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    They both said nothing happened. Me personally, I'd trust them. Things like this happen and end up not always being as devious everyone may think.

    If people are strong enough to make a stance and stop before things go too far, then that's good. What's better is when two people try to avoid ever putting themselves in that stiuation -- but that isn't life.
     
  9. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    I woulnd't.

    But then again, how can TS complain when he did the same to her a year ago?
     
  10. Normie

    Normie The TBW weight loss plan worked for me! OT Supporter

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    Honestly, You are both 25.. You probably haven't experienced all there is to experience with the opposite sex, life and friendship in general.. At both of your ages temptation, curiousity, excitement and lust will play a huge part in both of your actions. if you both truely want to "spend the rest of your lives together" why not take a break and see whats out there. If you have an understanding that you both need to experience things independently but might actually want to be with each other for a long term, you won't be hurt when things like this happen..

    Or you can just become a bitter person about this situation, dump her and your friend and move in your own direction...
     
  11. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Break up for a while see other people then decide if you are right for each other. I'm sure you know deep down your "best friend" was balls deep in your woman but then again you did the same so you can't really give her shit for it I would however drop him as a friend.
     
  12. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    we have sat down and had mulitple serious talks about what has happened, what will happen, and how we both feel about each other

    our relationship was the best it had ever been, however we both had serious skeletons in our closet that we were hiding from each other

    there have been multiple times when either one of us would bust out in tears thinking about what happened

    we have signed up for a mental health counselor/relationship counselor to try to help get past our trust and communication issues

    do i believe she slept with him? unfortuantely i do. she still tells me she didnt but i have a feeling she did. this is something that will have to come out eventually but i do not want to push for it now. i hope the counselor allows us both to get the whole truth out.

    i understand there are moments of weakness both physical and emotional in people lives and they make mistakes.

    the hardest thing for me was seeing it happen in front of my face and not doing anything to stop it. my friend and gf would hang out often and i trusted both of them and thought nothing of it. looking back i was a fucking idiot and should have squashed it before anything got too far.

    i have not spoken to my exfriend/roomate since he told me. i dont plan to ever speak to him again and had my gf promise she would never either.

    again, we do love each other and we see each other together in marriage and children. we are both going to try our hardest to make this work.

    if it doesnt work out at least i can live with the fact that i tried. even if it does end up hurting more than just walking away right now.

    :hs:
     
  13. wickedaznguy

    wickedaznguy New Member

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    When is the best time to plant an apple?
    20 years ago
    when is the best time to leave a relationship?
    You two need to leave each other. Things never get better in the future if dirt is still under the carpet
     
  14. wickedaznguy

    wickedaznguy New Member

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    Move on bro
    there are better girls out there
    I know, been there
     
  15. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    well we hung out for a few more days, things were awesome. we broke down a couple times but were able to talk through it

    last night i met up with some friends of mine, they told me that my ex-friend who was banging has done it multiple times, including the night that i confronted her about it and left.

    i confronted her with this info, she denied it up and down, said it could never work with my friends doing this she said he said stuff. i told her i believed her

    she tossed and turned all night and in the morning confessed that she had in fact seen him multiple times including the night that we got in a fight and i left

    so i left

    moved outta my house and am now staying with friends.
     
  16. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    good for you for getting away.

    but I bet she's still mad at your friends for having said something, not for her having cheated. and I bet she's upset that you left even after she was "honest and told you the truth" (even after having lied multiple times about it).

    one thing is for certain, your relationship had NOT "finally gotten over all of our immature bullshit."
     

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