SRS Anon: Girlfriend has lost all life ambition.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Throwdown, Oct 5, 2005.

  1. Throwdown

    Throwdown whore destroyer

    Feb 25, 2002
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    Orrville, OH
    Hey Guys, I have a toughie and I need some assistance.

    I’ve known my current girlfriend since grade school, never liked her or disliked her but we just never hung out because of different friends. One day this past May a mutual friends family had a complete breakdown and we were both there to help her out, and we just hit it from that moment on. Since then, I’ve been with her much daily…strong friendship at first and it just led to me asking her out when we both went back to school. We both go to school in the same city, so no long distance garbage to worry about. Thing were going really great until this week when she told me she wanted to drop out of school.

    She has increasingly stated she hates school, and that it’s not for her. Her classes aren’t that hard, and she just doesn’t do work for them. She has work study 12 hours a week on top of it and she just complains about how bored she is, and yet she doesn’t do work in there like she could. She complains about papers and projects, but fails to do them until the day they are do, or not do them at all. She has talked to her parents about dropping out, and they said they would support her whatever way she chooses (ie, she told them she wanted to drop out and they are both fine with it, and both are divorced and don’t talk to each other). I’ve never seen this from her before at all.

    We got in an argument over this, because I feel she is just lazy. I told her she couldn’t adjust to living on minimum wage because she has expensive habits, and she told me she has these tastes because her income is disposable and she can live like this now, but would have no problem just living blandly. She said she doesn’t feel like she needs monetary items to keep her happy, which is garbage. She said she would be happy just living with her mom until she’s 100…which is not a lie.

    I’ve just fallen for this girl until when she told me she wanted to drop out of school…and now I’m just sort of disgusted. It would be one thing if she had a plan, but she has no plan, just to live with her mom and work at a restaurant making minimum wage… Me and her room mate both tried to talk to her, but she’s just taking the easy way out, and what her parents said to her is just ridiculous, but she is using that to her advantage.

    She said she wanted to be a housewife when were just hanging out, which I had no problem with (said it when we were friends, so I knew before I asked her out), because that’s my dream to make enough money to support my family and letting my wife stay home…but it’s unrealistic when a young couple is graduated from college for both not to be working to pay back student loans, real bills, etc. I date not for the moment, but I date because I see potential for a life partner. And we are so compatible… it’s just this is a big issue for me. I love this girl, I really honestly do. I’ve been with quite a few girls (not dating, because again I don’t date for the heck of it) and not once have felt this strongly about ANYONE. I’m sure we can work through it, but I don’t want to get attached to someone that will just be lazy when the warning signs are there now.

    She’s not the type to cheat, lie, steal so that’s a non issue. It’s just I feel she can do so much more with her life and she feels she can’t.

    I don’t feel dumping her is a right thing to do, but like I sad before I’m just disgusted with how she is reacting. She sleeps a lot (I’m not around her 24/7, so she isn’t sleeping when I’m with her), and just doesn’t do anything when I’m not around… she’s just turning into a complete waste and I just don’t know where to turn to. Her family already knows this and is just accepting of whatever.

    Yes, I’ve talked to her about it… very seriously yesterday and I did go and say I don’t know if I could date a person that doesn’t have any ambition, and she just cried and I just left. I talked to her on the phone last night and wouldn’t accept any answer but her own… so I bucked in and just agreed with her after close to an hour and a half on the phone cause I was sick of listening to her shitty argument which was “I’m sick of school, I don’t try because I don’t like it and college isn’t for me”. I’d be one thing to drop out and strive for more then minimum wage, but she doesn’t have that goal anywhere in her sight.

    I sort of want to dump her, but at the same time I love her too much to do that.I know she loves me back, always calls, loves to hang out with me, so no other relationship issues here... But this is just a pretty big moral issues for me… and I just need some advice.

  2. RotiEatter

    RotiEatter New Member

    Dec 29, 2004
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    She's probably going to get fat just sitting around and doing nothing. If you can't convince her to do something with herself, leave her.

    But honestly man, you can do well in life even without college. Try not to be such a duchebag about her opinions and everything. From what you are saying it sounds like she wants to sit at home and watch tv all day, that is lame. But she can easily get a job in a bank or somewhere that is "proffesional" and respectable. She may not be a baller, but she can help with bills for sure. :)
  3. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

    May 27, 2005
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    I would say you should tell her that you will help to motivate her, and if she does not respond within X timeframe, I think you know what you need to do.
  4. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Jul 11, 2004
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    Wait, are you dating MY girlfriend? Seriously, sounds EXACTLY the same.

    So... long story short, it turns out she is clinically depressed. She has lowered levels of seretonin, which lead to this kind of behavior. She is seeing a pshychiatrist and is now on two anti-depressents. I have a thread in here how it went wrong at first, but now we've got her on a good dosage and things have changed a lot.

    She dropped out of college. Hates school. All that jazz. But who cares? School just teaches people to sit still for 8 hours a day and be a slave. Einstein flunked math. (So did I.) She's BORED because there is no challenge for her. How about find out what she really wants to do and help her pursue it?

    What is she eating? Diet has a lot to do with mood as well. Less crap, more quality may help.

    She and I have been trying to figure out what to do, because she ABHORS the thought of working for someone else. So what are we going to do? We are going to open a restaurant. Not work in one, OPEN one.

    Raise the bar, see if you can find something that challenges her. You may just have someone who needs more to do.

    Or not. She could be a lazy fuck, and the thing to do is to kick her out if your life plans are not the same. Only you can tell. Personally, it took me 2 years to get to where I am now, and I am glad I did. My GF is a smart cookie, and we are going to have a great time together.

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