LGBT Angels In America...I have something to say...

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by mamoru, Nov 22, 2004.

  1. mamoru

    mamoru New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2002
    Messages:
    15,408
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York Shitty
    I'm sorry, but I have to let this out, as I can't seem to find an outlet to understand the pain in my heart.

    Two years ago, I was in this play. Part 1, only, and at points in time, I even played Roy Cohn, the man who died of AIDS...and two years ago, it didn't phase me one bit. It was an acting class, I played Joe, the mormon homosexual, and I played Roy, the closet homosexual...

    I acted it like it was fun. I put false emotion into it to get a grade. I got my A, and I felt like I beat the system.

    Yesterday, I was walking through Blockbuster Video and saw the 2 part, 6-hour-long movie available to be rented. Something in me wanted to see how accurate I was in playing my roles. Some part of me told me I owed it to myself to watch it.

    I watched it just now. All 6 hours. It's 12:00 am. I'm sitting here, on my bed, sad. SAD. I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I didn't cry. This movie deserved every tear my soul could possibly shed. Tears for a cause, tears for death, tears for disease, tears for love, tears for a cure.

    I watched this movie, emotionless, maybe a little squirm in my gut for sadness. I wanted to be more sad. I wanted to be hysterical in tears. It's not fair. AIDS is not fair. KS is not fair. It's just...not fair. None of it. Why was the gay population murdered with these diseases? Why? Intellectual. Stunning. Fabulous. Cultured. Accepting. And in return, the world is given AIDS.

    Many people live with it. Some don't know they have it. Those who live with AIDS are true fighters. True survivors. True people who look death right in the eye and keep strutting down the runway. Those people deserve life. Not the gay population consumed in vanity...these people are the real pioneers. In the 1980's, so many of them suffered...dying by the millions, one by fucking one. They carved a path for many generations to come. They sacraficed their lives. They made a voice so that the gays of today can be safe. They made a voice for rights, which gay and straights alike are still fighting for. They made a voice for awareness. They made a voice for themselves.

    I think one can look at this movie, and learn the value of life, the value of death, the value of love and the values that keep us together as humans. This movie was BEAUTIFULLY made. I teared at the end a few drops of my inner most being, but I wish I had been in all out waterfalls. These men deserved my tears.

    That is all.

    P.S. For some reason, Belize reminds me of CoCo...
     
  2. cedric

    cedric I don't have a contract

    Joined:
    May 9, 2004
    Messages:
    88,516
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    San Francisc:noes:
    Sucks doesn't it, when you feel like you need to cry but you can't? I think the last time I actually consciously shed a tear for anything was over 6 years ago. Since then I've seen movies and been in situations where I've felt like crying it out would've been, more than appropriate, theraputic even, but I just couldn't.

    Oddly enough, I've woken up from bad dreams crying, but not really knowing why. I think maybe holding stuff in has a way of manifesting itself in your dreams. :dunno: what I'm holding in though. I always figured I was more in touch with my feelings and emotions than most.

    This is a list of things that have brought me pretty close, but didn't quite do the job.:hs:

    - The ending of Pay it Forward (I don't wanna ruin this for anyone who hasn't seen this, but I don't think I'll ever watch this movie again.)

    - The ending of Pearl Harbor. (This movie did NOT turn out the way I wanted it to. I thought the main actress' character was a real whore, and I wanted Ben Affleck to be the one to die. The Hans Zimmer soundtrack can make almost any movie 10 billion x more emotional too. I was so depressed after I saw this movie, I went out and got drunk after.)

    - The ending of Latter Days. (This movie made my eyes water in a good way. I'll leave it at that. Thanks again, Sam.)

    - Easily the most serious was finding out my good friend's teenage sister died in a car accident. This was more of a situation where I didn't know what to do with myself. I was away at school and there was nothing my other friends and I could do but get on the phone and call up my friend to give our condolences. I'll certainly say one thing: nothing makes you forget the petty stuff like the sudden and unexpected death of somebody you knew. It's all the more tragic when they're young, healthy and have their entire lives ahead of them. People like to use the cliche that "it really makes you think," when stuff like this happens. I guess it's true, but it just sounded dumb at the time. It did help me to put my life into a better perspective though. Anyway, I'm digressing so I'll stop now.
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2004
  3. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2001
    Messages:
    78,919
    Likes Received:
    64
    Location:
    Western MA
    First, regarding crying. Rent "Stepmom" and if you can get through the end of that movie without crying, well... I don't know what to say.

    Second, regarding Angels in America and "why?" AIDS had to kill so many gay men. Well, part of it was our fault for not using condoms. But, much of the blame belongs to the Reagan administration who ignored the disease until it finally killed a small child (Ryan White) from a blood transfusion.

    Regarding your sadness about the movie, I didn't really cry either. I did cry at the very last scene when Prior said "I love you" to the camera and told us all to be proud of who we are and to be happy and filled with love and to not be marginalized. I cried out of a need to feel loved at the end of that movie. It was an empowering cry more than anything else.

    That was an amazing play. Powerful. Not just because of the acting, but because of the message. The message of hope through adversity. And what's most amazing is that it was written in the 80's and it is STILL completely relevent.
     
  4. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
    When it first premiered, I had made every attempt to watch it, but I hadn't unpacked my tivo yet... So I didn't get to see but 20 minutes of one part (a scene where a guy was freaking out in the doctors office, thinking the floor was swallowing him up). Soo, I don't know who Belize is... Taylor/Ferron, if either of you have seen the movie, please comment.

    I was gonna buy the DVDs in Blockbuster, but they wanted $50, so I was gonna check out Best Buy and see if I could get it cheaper. ;)
     
  5. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
    OMG, I watched the first part on DVD last night...


    I LUV BELIZE!!!
    (He reminds me of me (...except that I've never done drag (...and have better eyebrows (...and better hair))).)

    [​IMG]
     
  6. mamoru

    mamoru New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2002
    Messages:
    15,408
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York Shitty
    I knew you were going to love him...or were him...

    Belize is hands dowsn the wittiest and best character in the play....:love:
     
  7. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2001
    Messages:
    78,919
    Likes Received:
    64
    Location:
    Western MA
    You may be right.

    However, the funniest and best line of the entire play is the end of Peristroyka (sp?) when Prior Walter wakes from his dream and he asks Mother Pitt (played by Meryl Streep) to return to visit him in the hotel room. She starts to make an excuse for why she may not come back. Prior pleads for her to return and then says "I have always depended on the kindness of strangers". Mother Pitt looks at him with this deadpan face and says: "Well, that's a stupid thing to do!" and walks out of the room.

    The way she delivers that line just makes me laugh out loud every single time.

    I love Meryl Streep and I love how she played Mother Pitt
     
  8. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2001
    Messages:
    78,919
    Likes Received:
    64
    Location:
    Western MA
    If any of you saw "The Manchurian Candidate", he plays one of the soldiers.
    It's funny to see him all butched out.
     
  9. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
    ....yea, I noticed that first, as I just saw that movie 2 weeks ago with my parents. :mamoru:
     

Share This Page