SRS And So Today Marks The End of an Era for Me . . .

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by i dangled you, Aug 25, 2007.

  1. I don't know where to post this so I'm posting this in the Asylum.

    Today as I write this the movers are taking the boxes out of my parents house and putting it in the truck. I don't know why, but I feel so empty inside now. A degree of anxiety has overcome me. I'm moving out of my parents house. Not to college though. I'm moving out to the other side of the US. I currently live in DC as I write this. As of Monday, I will be living In San Diego. It's not my first time moving out as I've lived outside of my parents house before, except, it was local.

    As I sit here, I see the walls, the ones that I grew up behind. My parents house. My safe haven my entire life. Where I was free and safe from everyone in the world. I look at the walls, look at all the scratches and marks that developed over time, knowing I won't ever see them again. The wearing of the paint. The time I fell into the wall and my elbow left a mark in the wall. The time out of anger I hit the wall, where my fist print still sits today. The hole left from the nail, where the picture of my ex used to sit, next to my bed. There is so much history here, at least to me. I remember the arguments, the times I cried, the anger, the frustration, the smiles, the nights I was glad to be in bed. All the emotions. And I see the marks on the wall where I marked my height till it is today, going from the ground up till 5 feet 10 inches. That for some reason brings a tear to my eye. To see the fact that such a little child grew up to be so big. The pain of breaking up with girls. The rush and enjoyment of having sex with them. So many things happened here. I'm so sad leaving this place. The time I got a black eye in elementary school and my dad taught me how to fight. The nights I cried with my mom after my Grandfather passed away. There is so much life here. There's a picture on my wall, of the first time I went through that door. The one where my dad carried me in and put me in my crib. Seeing that makes me cry. I almost wish it wasn't the case.

    I sit here after 20 years of living here and saying I want to leave, I really miss it all. I know I'll miss my parents, my sister, my cats and my dogs, they became part of the family for me. They became important to me. I sit here and remember my cat, his little spot in the corner of my bed he loved to sleep in. My other cat who slept at my feet. The dogs who slept on the hardwood floor and I wish it wasn't coming to an end.

    I see the mark on the ground where the desk used to sit, the one I used to sit at and read. I see the various marks on the ground from the times I moved my bed around. The corner where my lamp used to sit. The closet where I put my clothes. I remember when I first learned to hang my clothes, to me that closet had so much of me in it. The boxes of pictures, of notes of keepsakes, all thrown out and forgotten. The letter from my ex pinned to the inside of the door telling me how much she loved me. All the pictures I took sitting in boxes. The Bookshelf I had packed with magazines and unused textbooks. I remember all the supra parts I kept in my room. All the times I looked out my window to see who was home. All the nights I spent awake here listening to the bugs and enjoying the breeze. The times I listened to the rain. The lonely nights. The PS2 in the corner that got used awhile. It's all here. The weight lifting belt hook I put put up, so I could hang my belt. There is just so much here. There is so much of my life that exists in that room. The title of my first car I had framed. The title of my 3 subsequent Cars that were sold just this week. My high school diploma. My college acceptance letter. Everything, it's all here and I just feel so bad leaving. The places in the wall. The light greenish color I repainted the room so it would be more feng shui. I just remember it all. The friends. The nights I slept here when I broke my leg. So much, it's all there.

    Under my bed all the things I use to store. I just know I'm going to miss it all. I'd write more, but I have to leave, the movers are here and it's time to go. I don't know what I'm asking for, I just know it really got to me sitting here and realizing it's all over.
     
  2. maks

    maks Bah! t(-_-t)

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    i thought you were de-modded :rofl:

    Good luck in san diego :)
     
  3. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
    Good luck!! :x:

    Enjoy the rest of the weekend, try not to be too sad and get pumped for Monday!!

    Your family will only be a phone call and a 4 hour plane ride away, and that's not bad ;)
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    When you say... it was fun back then. And the changes you go thru now. When life speaks to you , that the time has come to seperate. You might have felt that the life you lived in the past would continue forever. Then one day at some point, a day like this will come for everyone of us, that day of departure and if not taken correctly in context it will bring melanchony sadness , once you leave the house you won't be able to see or do everything days like you used to do right?

    And its true, i don't think you'll be able to stay as you where then or are now. Because time is something that can be kind, and also cruel by changing everything.

    But maby .. at least you are content with how things are now. Because if we were caught up in the fun of the past, and couldn't see the fun now.. it would be a shame,wouldn't it? So you shouldn't have said' these were my beloved memories back then, rather 'it was fun back then too, right?' Im sure things that you experienced in your past can't be compared to the things you will experience in the future. Back then, now... and from now on..The time you spend in the past with others, lots of small, fun things eventually disappeared. But in return many many new things small ,fun things are born with the new path that you've set for yourself in life. Thinking that now is fun, is what makes it the most fun. So here's my advice. Think about the past,dream about the future,and live today ,make the most of your life,wherever you decide to live it.
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Those are beautiful sentiments, well expressed and deeply felt.

    I am sure you make the world where you are, a better place.
     
  6. 2500

    2500 Guest

    why won't you ever see them again? you can visit your parents, unless they are moving.

    bottom line, is now you get to start making memories again. i feel the same stuff about the house i grew up in, but, once i started punching holes in the walls of our new house, it felt more like home. and now, as i wear a little on my frist apartment, it feels more like home.

    think of this as a time where you can begin a new chapter, and start making those markings on the wall with your family, and making an environment that in 25 years, your kids will be feeling the same things about.
     
  7. 2500

    2500 Guest

    oh, and i always said if i ever had a height wall, from when i was a kid, i'd grab a dry wall knife and cut it out and take it with me, lol.
     
  8. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    In AA we have a saying, you've got one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow and you're pissing on today. Now that's not to say it's never a good thing to be sentimental but try not to dwell on the past.

    You're memories will still be there and you'll have new ones very soon.

    Good luck with your move. I hope everything goes well for you. Keep us updated.
     
  9. Sofa King

    Sofa King Guest

    Thats beautiful. Just remember that wherever you go, you're going to be making new memories. Its great to remember the past, but make sure you don't forget you have a future too :)
     
  10. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    ^^^ . and good luck keep in touch i go to socal from time to time
     
  11. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    dude your not leaving your family for ever. I'm sure they would love for you to go back and visit. You can always move back too. Its not like your gone for ever
     

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