LGBT And so let me tell you the story on my most recent condom purchase...

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by mamoru, Oct 25, 2004.

  1. mamoru

    mamoru New Member

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    I've got about an hour before class starts, and I'd like to share a story with you.

    First off, happy birthday to me, I turned 21 yesterday :)

    For the past few weeks, I've been very sick. I had the flu for about a week and a half, and coming off the flu, I had a sever sinus infection that kept me out of classes. Pray I don't fail this term! Especially after what I'm about to tell you...

    So I thought I'd be able to sit in class...it was a dark Monday morning when I arrived at university, charged and excited that I was about to take on a new week, having not read a damned thing for any of my classes due to sickness. I sit down in class for a mere 5 minutes. I look stunning, and then suddenly, like a penis to the face, I was in shock, my head throbbing, my eyes hurting, my teeth pulsating, my nose running and bleeding. I was his with the SINUS.

    I grab my shit together, I get out of class and I run to Duane Reade near my university to get some Sinutab or Sineaid...I suddenly look like shit. I look drugged. I looked high. I looked as if though I've been dead for a few months.

    Standing on line, I decide that I also should buy some chapstick and tissues. They didn't have the right brand of chapstick that actually works for me, so I bought a mini jar of vaseline. Then, in the corner of my eye, while standing on the longest line I've ever seen...at least, it seemed long then...a condom rack caqught my eye.

    Now, here's the thing with me...I need large sized condoms, plain and simple. I'm a grower, not a show-er...and I've got equipment that needs a larger condom. The regular ones are so tight, that I go soft almost instantly. It's quite sad. So I grab the large green box of Trojan Large, 12 packed just for me needs, even equipped with the spermicide lube ( :mamoru: ), and I'm back on line.

    Tissues, vaseline, large condoms. That's me right there, standing on line. Looking, as if though I'm heading to a wild orgy of massive stature, ready to fuck and be fucked by any/everyone, at LEAST 12 times over, and the equipment to clean it all up. god bless kleenex anti-virals.

    Again, it hit me. The biggest pain I've ever felt in my head. My eyes twitching, my nose running. I dropped everything I was holding, vaseline, condoms and all. Everything rolled in everywhich direction. I was so embarassed. I quickly try and pick everything up, but the vaseline bottle is rolling away. I run to grab it, just to come back to the line and find out that MY PROFESSOR was standing right behind, holding up a pack of large trojan's that I had intended to purchase, with a cunning smile on his face saying "Is this why you haven't been to class in two weeks?"

    I wanted to die. I stood in embarrassment, holding tissues and vaseline. How could I even go to class later that day without turning as beet red as I did? Where was my Sinutab? How come I couldn't find the box after I had been holding it so long?

    I didn't know what to say. I said something stupid which I can't remember...but mind you, I was so sick. I felt so stupid. Did I really need the condoms right then and there? Will he fail me for being better equipped? More importantly, where have all the cowboys gone?

    And so ends the story of my most recent condom purchase.
     
  2. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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  3. cedric

    cedric I don't have a contract

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    Wow. I dunno where to start with this one. First of all, congratulations on needing larger condoms, but your timing SUCKS. Second, hope you get better soon. Third, happy birthday! And fourth, your professor was hitting on you. That's about it. Short and simple.
     
  4. cedric

    cedric I don't have a contract

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    Count yourself lucky. Last weekend my friend had his 21st. I decided tequila was going to be the drink of choice, as a present from me. Sufficed to say, he didn't make it to 21 shots, and he probably will not be drinking tequila for a very long time. At least I was kind enough to buy Patron.
     
  5. RedGoober4Life

    RedGoober4Life New Member

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    I can turn on all the faucets in my house. Including the hose.

    I'm sorry yous be sick. :(


    But I'm happy you found condoms. :o
     
  6. ExDelayed

    ExDelayed New Member

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    Did you ever end up buying your Sinutab? No need to be sick, its keeping you out of these wild orgys that your apparently prepared to be in. :mamoru: Hopefully your going to be putting those condoms to some good use. :naughty: Perhaps a round with the professor will up your grade a bit?
     
  7. Sonic

    Sonic Live every day to the fullest, for yesterday is go

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    :rofl:


    Dude, you rock.:bigthumb:
     
  8. DatacomGuy

    DatacomGuy is moving to Canada

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    :rofl:

    Happy bday. ;)
     
  9. spiffy_badrock

    spiffy_badrock I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

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    Happy B-day, congrats on the large size condoms, and I was at Publix (grocery store) and I was on a date that i knew was going to um, well end up in lots and lots of fun, so I walked in and picked up Condoms, Papertowels and some sort of lube....I realized this didnt look right, but I was allready in line, so I picked up the closest thing I could to add to my order....wheat thins. The cashier looked at me so funny. When I sold my car, that box of wheat thins was sill in the back!
     
  10. Taylor

    Taylor Guest

    :rofl:

    Happy Birthday... and that sounds like a mortifying experience :mamoru:
     
  11. Jamien

    Jamien Sabotage. Overthrow. Disobey and Demolish.

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    Happy B-day...

    :mamoru:
     
  12. red^star

    red^star Guest

    :rofl: @ where have all the cowboys gone :rofl:
     

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