Discussion in 'On Topic' started by The Green Bastard, Jun 30, 2006.
I really had high hopes.
I can't win.
And my reply:
Flame away. I just don't care.
No flame here dude, Im sorry.
Im actually going through a similar situation with my GF. Long distance relationships can be really hard to maintain.
I dont like how she broke up with you through email..... couldnt she had done that in person?
well for all the people that told you not to worry about it and you were over reacting, IN YOUR FACES BITCHES!
seriously though, if you really dig the chick dont let her go over email. go down and visit her, take off work for a day and try and either work your issues out or at least give yourself some better closure. ending things in an email will just leave you with regrets
sometimes overcomming adversity isnt just a saying. either way it turns out you will feel better about it if you try and work through this with her
Sorry to hear you're disappointed. I have a bit of a different take on this. IMO, she's just pulling back. She may stay back but she may not.
But one thing I kept thinking about while reading that is....why not work to bring all that suff out of her that she's hiding?? She's not going to just lay all that heavy stuff on you just cuz you say it's ok...but she will tell you those things when she feels safe with you emotionally. Perhaps you have not worked hard enough to make her feel safe?? I dunno...only you and her know. The fact she's hiding all this from you seems to indicate she doesn't feel safe emotionally with you.
Ok, so your relationship isn't what you thought or hoped it was. However, it doesn't HAVE to be the end. It's just evolving....into what, I have no idea but neither does anyone else. It could be evolving into a very open, honest and real relationship. It could be disolving....noone knows because noones balls are crystal.
You may still end up having a great relationship with this woman. However, it appears that right now, she's pulling back. If you really want a relationship with her, the best thing you can do is:
Be patient with her
Be honest about your feelings for her
Give her all the space she needs
Be patient with her
Be careful with her emotions and your anger/disappointment
Tell her that you want to hear all about those things she's hiding (unless you don't)
Be patient with her
Don't try to help her solve ANY of her problems unless she SPECIFICALLY asks for help
Try to enjoy her as a friend
but perhaps the most important suggestion,
Be patient with her.
However, you may not want to put the work into this relationship either. If that's the case, keep her as a friend and move on. However, in my honest opinion, there's a lot of room to work in her email.
Trust me when I say this - I WANT so much for this to work. She's really special to me, and I will do anything to make us right again. Maybe she just needs some time to think about things...and I hope this is the case. She's worth waiting for, if that's what it takes.
IMO it will take more then waiting. You've been together 6 months and she's hiding a lot of things from you. IMO, the only way she will reveal these things is if she feels emotionally safe with you. By her email, it appears that she doesn't right now feel that safe with you.
You can't force the issue but for some reason she doesn't....you may not be doing anything wrong either. It may be all on her side. However, you can examine your conduct and your interactions with her. You can read books, see a relationship counselor or any number of other things.
Again, it may not be anything you have done. It may all be with her...however looking at yourself you may see things that you would like to change. IMO this is very valuable work whether you end up in a long term relationship with this woman or another woman.
sorry man. Don't change anything trying to win her back. Her's heart's not in it.
At least, not fully in it, not to the level you deserve.
I also don't think you need to be patient with her, that contains the implicit assumption that something YOU can DO will alter this. You don't need to do anything with, about, or for her.
Once again, sorry man.
Personally i think you did everyting you could so no regrets ,it would be wonderfull if it could evolve into a very open, honest and real relationship. Don't waste any more time with this, it would be best not to dwell over a lost relationship, and for you to pick up the pieces of your heart, and move on into finding a new relationship once you are ready. Don't put your life on a halt for her in the hope she will come back.
As always, there's the old, "If you only knew her..."
Thats it right there.
You cannot change what deosnt want to be changed.
Believe me... Ive tried.
Sorry Sweetie. Real Sorry.
Come down to the city.
you know that really sucks but you should definitely end all things in person. Otherwise like someone else said you will have a lo off regrets about that later on.so yea set up sometime where you two can meet and maybe not work things out but just end things on a better note
I have her Davinci Code hardcover -- i should return it at least. Maybe a face-to-face meeting will change her or finalize it.
If anything it will only prolong the inevitable.
I think that was a difficult message for her to write despite the fact face-to-face would be something we all want when a breakup must happen.
Sometimes face-to-face things aren't that great...I had one once were my girl at the time broke up balling for two hours in some public cafe. I had to keep running to the counter asking for more napkins. It wasn't pretty.
I thought your response was good. It sounded honest, uncontrived, and it didn't point blame at either one of you. I'd say leave it at that and start the process of recovery for yourself. I know it hurts.
Still hoping, huh?
If she's a softie, or a real sweetie, she'll "relent" cause she can't bear to cause you so much pain.
And then of course, later on... you'll get another message or email or phone call saying.... I can't go on with this anymore, I thought I could, I thought maybe, I thought, I thought, I thought.......but I can't.
Chances are good you'll hear the "it's not you, you're wonderful...it's me..." speech.
Still, one must be convinced. So good luck to you.
She really is a sweet, soft hearted girl; definitely the kindest, sweetest girl I've ever dated. I can never say anything bad about her.
There's always hope, but I don't want to cling to a false hope like i usually end up doing.
I feel for you man....I'm goin thru some similar shit now. Its weird how our relationship are so intertwined man.
I'm in the same situation with an ex. Ultimately once I leave for college I'm putting her behind, but right now there isnt much in the way of ladies for me so I'm lingering around her which probably is bad and immature.
These things will keep happening until you've taken some time to explore and become comfortable with "aloneness". It's not a dirty word, and it is NOT the same as "loneliness".
Otherwise you meet women who you see as the end-all, be-all wondrous ideal of feminine longing as you begin to focus that WANTING with laser beam intensity on her.
Things unravel when she is unable, or unwilling to maintain the identity you see in her. And no, this is not dissing you or her. Just that you have a very understandable void, and you rush to fill it.
This is about reestablishing the sovereign domain of The Green Bastard, self-sufficient, high-functioning and in need of no foreign or domestic aid....if you get my meaning.
Only then will you be able to more clearly see and feel the women who come and go in your life. They will become like waves breaking on your shoreline. You welcome them in, and you feel no great pain when they recede from your life.
Another wave will come along very shortly... in fact if you look out on the horizon, you can see an endless stream of them, due to march into your life on a steady timetable.
When you have the proper perspective, a woman leaving your life becomes a minor issue. It is not and should not become the focus of your emotional energy.
Funny enough, either we weren't as close as i hoped, or I'm getting desensitized to a broken heart from all the bad woman-luck I've had, because I'm actually fine. SAturday night I went to a kickass party, drank and smoked...never thoiught about her much at all. And yesterday I went to seee my dad in the hospital, and I was chatting up with a nurse (no rings ).
That's wierd for me.
But it's been a rotten week for me:
My dad was hospitalized because of circulation problems
He had 2 toes amputated thursday
More stress at work
I broke my hand
Gf breaks it off
I tell ya I bought loto tickets just in case my luck was going to turn around.