and if you want to be left alone?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by NCS, Dec 5, 2008.

  1. NCS

    NCS Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2002
    Messages:
    5,777
    Likes Received:
    0
    situation:

    steady relationship. gf calls. i'm stressed out, dont want to talk. after a few calls i pick up, to tell her that im stressed out and dont want to talk. she takes it badly, as if i can't meet some needs she has about phone time.

    is this some recurrent problem or is it just me?

    do you guys out there ever just want to disconnect from the world, as well as your gf, for an evening or a day? and how do you go about it?

    to the girls, is this something you just don't understand? she argues that if i love her i should never need to take a break in which i dont even want to spend 5 minutes on the phone.
     
  2. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    If I were to make a Falconer list that is one of the things that would go on there. A. I hate talking on the phone for any amount of time. B. There are days where I just don't want to deal with ANYONE.

    In my experience a lot of girls don't understand that, hence why it would go on my list.

    I'm not sure how you can make her understand other then telling her next time you see her that it is just something that needs to happen now and then and that she needs to learn that it doesn't mean you are taking a break from her, you are just taking some alone time.
     
  3. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA
    do you guys live together?
     
  4. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1,816
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CdM, CA
    i understand it, but i also have those days or moments where i just need some time to breathe. i have a lot of girl friends who never understood when i wanted to be home alone, or didnt feel like going out.

    i would, however, get frustrated if he approached it in a rude way on the phone. if i call, i dont know you are stressed and upset, so in as calm of a manner as you can muster, i would tell her that you had a bad day and would just to just be alone to relax, calm down and think through everything and you will call her later. if you get mad or frustrated with her off the bat, that would be hard to take since its not her fault you are stressed and she may take it the wrong way.

    her arguing that if you love her you will talk to her her is immature, unless she herself has a big issue going on and needs you for something real, not just to chat
     
  5. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2005
    Messages:
    7,173
    Likes Received:
    0
    Everyone needs time alone. Just let her know you need some time to yourself to relax and unwind and you will call her back as soon as you are in a better mood.
     
  6. NCS

    NCS Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2002
    Messages:
    5,777
    Likes Received:
    0
    no but we sleep at eachother's places most nights of the week.

    i know why you're asking the question and even if we arent living together its like we're in living-together-mode.


    thanks to everyone for the answers. i wasn't particularly rude but i can def be brash sometimes... i should prob apologize for the way i approached the situation.
     
  7. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    59,957
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Go Dodger Blue!
  8. JakeTheSnake41

    JakeTheSnake41 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2007
    Messages:
    4,214
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver, BC
    I know exactly what you mean man. It doesn't have anything to do with her, it can be a hot new relationship that you're in where it's still new and exciting and everything. The thing is, something is on your mind and you're just not in the mood to talk to anyone. Sometimes I feel that way and I don't pick up ANYONE's call, just want to lie on a couch with a blanket, and watch sports with the door closed.
     
  9. NCS

    NCS Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2002
    Messages:
    5,777
    Likes Received:
    0
  10. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    my thoughts:

    It's all in your wording. "I don't want to talk" sounds like "I don't want to talk to you".

    A better way to say it would have been "Hey, I can't talk right now, I'm busy studying/working".

    And if she were to continue to call and hope you would talk, DO NOT ANSWER. If you're busy and don't want to talk, you're busy and can't answer the phone. Your actions have to back up what you said.
     
  11. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    11,333
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Awestralia
    I just don't answer my phone, or if I know I'm going to be like that, just turn it off

    Then say I was in meetings all day
     
  12. audrey

    audrey New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2005
    Messages:
    2,542
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Down Under
    OMG everyone needs space. Tell her to stop being such a big girl and explain to her why you need space and that it's about you and not her.


    Every now an then my gf resists my need for space. She knows that I need the space for me BUT she is a big girl and can't help being silly about it. But at the end of the day she understands and I get the space.
     
  13. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2004
    Messages:
    65,778
    Likes Received:
    518
    Location:
    In a van down by the river
    It's probably not WHAT you said, but rather how you said it. :mamoru:
     

Share This Page