SRS An interesting first MA meeting.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by O'Fuck, Sep 23, 2004.

  1. O'Fuck

    O'Fuck Guest

    I finally worked up the nerve to try and fix my life a bit.

    I have incredible trouble being around people... so it was a big step for me. The only humans I've really seen in the last couple years is my weed dealer and the grocery store clerks.

    The first half of the meeting was really, really cool. I started fucking tearing up like a baby... it was really moving. Then somewhere towards the middle... it was time for this one guy to talk. He looked like a nice guy, etc. Then when it was time to say hi to him... "hi [name]"... it all came together....

    I can't go into detail here but... I'm 99% positive this was the ex boyfriend of my ex girlfriend. Hair dyed just a certain way.. the name... a few other things.

    How to put this... Her stories of what he did to her... were the worst things I'd ever heard. Short of torture and rape... he did the most unspeakable things to her. Sorry I'm flustered and not good with words right now... but I've spent months trying to forget those stories... and out of all the people in this state and town... he's at this meeting. So... naturally the second half of the meeting, I could hardly be present. And I surely couldn't be supportive of him.

    I can imagine people saying things like... well you weren't there, you don't know for sure what he did to her. Or... well... you're recovery is important enough to look past this.

    But... as crazy as it may sound without telling you the details... I was and am fucking scarred simply from knowing what he did to her. I used to think I would attack him if I ever saw him. Then suddenly to be in a situation like that. Wow. Okay I've gone on too long. What a small world...

    cliffs: went to my first marijuana anonymous meeting... and sat across from a man who had HORRIBLY abused my ex.

    edit: took out the dude's name, because as unlikely as it is that he'd be on this forum... with my luck its totally possible.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 23, 2004
  2. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    so hit a different meeting or forgive him. he's obviously trying to change his life... i know im oversimplifying this but you need to figure out a solution that allows you to continue to focus on YOU and YOUR recovery. like i said, that may just be hitting a different meeting. maybe you should find out if its really him.

    principles before personalities.

    good job on gussying up for a meeting though, im proud. thats a huge challenge to walk into a room on your own will... hopefully you stay. :)
     
  3. Luciano

    Luciano Guest

    Nice job on the meeting....Hope that works out.

    My wifes ex-husband ABUSED my wife. Terribly. Sexually, Emotionally, and Physically. He is a sick sick man. I used to think that if i ever ran into him, oppritunity right or not, jail time or not, i would kill him. Literally kill the man for what he had done to another human. You would think that what was done to someone else wouldnt effect your life, but i work with my wife on the ramifications of that abuse on a daily basis.....
    My point is that, FOR ME (emphisis there because lots of people disagree) Yahweh has provided me with a wonderful person to spend the remainder of my life, short or long, together with. As horrible of a person that i have been, His love shone through forgivness, and to be more Christlike, i must forgive as well. Please take this with a grain of salt, because i have no idea who you are or where you stand in your life. I wish you blessings of the highest kind and I pray that, for maybe half an hour or so, your heart and probably stomache stops hurting and you get this off your mind a bit.
    Peace and Blessisgs
     
  4. O'Fuck

    O'Fuck Guest

    Thanks for the well-wishes guys. I'll figure something else out. I'm not all that religious, but I'm thinking of going to the local Unitarian church down the street. I think any positive human contact will be beneficial.

    Its not so much that I can't forgive the guy... as it is- I want to forget ALL about that girl and her business. I wish her the best... but to survive with my screwed up mind, I just have to erase/repress certain things. And she's someone I want to erase.

    I had quit talking to her for some weeks... but last night I called her to confirm it was him, and it was (no big surprise).

    Whats funny is, after I wrote that post above last night... I went ahead and lit up. I was so worked up I figured it was the only thing that would help.

    It didn't...

    Its almost as if the weed itself is yelling at me "Hey dipshit! I don't even get you high anymore, leave me alone!!!"

    On the bright side... I really do think I took a LOT from the first half of the meeting. A whole lot. So it wasn't a total loss by any means.
     
  5. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    all you need to be a member of a 12-step fellowship is a DESIRE to stop using. seriously, there is a set of tools you can pick up and enjoy life with. however... for people who don't desire to stop using, its not going to matter.

    you have the desire, and i think you can do it.
     

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