SRS An Affair

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by LittleStar, Jan 4, 2007.

  1. LittleStar

    LittleStar New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    I figure the best way to do this is to just jump right in. I'm in the middle of an affair. Does anyone have any experience with this? Has anyone been through one (on either side)? I don't know that I want to offer up anymore details to my situation until I can see how y'all respond. The basic gist is that there is "someone else". And that "someone else" is also married. We're both married to other people in seperate states.

    Wow...it's weird just to type that alone. Ok, so it's out there now. I'm just looking for a rational and reasonable type discussion if anyone out there can help me on the subject. Thanks.
     
  2. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    562
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Pics???? What are you thinking?
     
  3. LittleStar

    LittleStar New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    there are no pics...and as for what I'm thinking...I HAVE NO IDEA. I was not raised this way. In fact, I was pretty much raised normally. Have respect for your elders, don't lie, cheat, or steal...etc. And for 10 very long years I've have been incredibly loving, devoted, and faithful. And then something snapped. I didn't EVER plan on this. I never set out for this to happen. It truly "just did". I woke up one morning and went "Oh shit!" and now I'm in up to my neck in trouble.
     
  4. urbanlegend

    urbanlegend One Love

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2006
    Messages:
    6,436
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eternal City / Toronto
    So there is no bottom line reason for this? i.e.: you are being abused, or your spouse cheated on you, or you're in a non-loving relationship? You just cheated?
     
  5. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    562
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Wow...so pretty much you just woke up left the house cheated went to work etc and then home to your wife?
     
  6. LittleStar

    LittleStar New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    There is a bottom line...it is a NON loving relationship. From his end (I'm the wife). He has pretty much told me that he stopped loving me about 5 years into the marriage, but won't divorce me because he doesn't want to hurt me. So for the last 5 years we've lived like roomates. Seperate people seperate lives. It's bizarre.
     
  7. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    562
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Sorry for the yeah! So, why dont you go more into detail here so it would be easier to give you some ideas!
     
  8. LittleStar

    LittleStar New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Here's the deal: Been married 10 years...to a HS sweetheart. 5 years into it things went realllllly sour. The sex stopped, the affection stopped, everything just died. We tried 'talking' about it...but he basically just said that he was willing to continue to be married to me because he didn't want to start over and he thought I'd be hurt by a divorce. I feel like I'm just wasting my time with someone who doesn't love me. Yes, he's safe and secure and all that. But damn...I've spent a long time loving someone back that flat out didn't care.

    The "affair" started a year ago. I flew out to Texas for some training for my job. One of the guys I met was a very nice man. We went out for drinks after class. Two nights later I flew home with his email in my pocket. We never kissed, never had sex, and never even HINTED at this. We were Married. To other people.

    Then the emails started. Things gradually got worse for both of us in our personal lives and we "reached out" to vent, moan, bitch, and whine to someone that would listen. We talked daily. For hours through messenger while at work. Seven months into it the subject of "love" came up. And basically things spiraled from there. I haven't seen him since. We exchange snail mail all the time. Pictures, things...etc.

    I've asked my husband for a divorce SIX times. I've even TOLD him of the man I met. He still refuses.

    So there ya go. My whole bizarre story.
     
  9. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Get the hell out of your marriage. Your husband deserves so much more than you, the least you can do is be honest about what you're doing.

    edit: And stop making excuses. You don't ask for divorces, you don't need your spouse's permission to get a divorce. You go to a divorce lawyer and file the necessary paperwork. Stop living your lie of a life.

    edited to change wife to husband. I didn't realize initially that you were the wife.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2007
  10. LittleStar

    LittleStar New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    I AM the wife.
     
  11. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    You don't need to ask your husband for a divorce. When you are ready, you can file yourself.

    So...are you truly ready? Leave the other guy out of this question for now.

    Are YOU ready to end it with your husband?

    Make your decision, freely. And THEN we can start to talk about the "affair" and what to do about that.

    These are two separate things. Keep them separate, and it will be easier to resolve your current situation.
     
  12. LittleStar

    LittleStar New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    thanks Johan, that's absolute BEST way it's been put yet.
     
  13. LittleStar

    LittleStar New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Since I haven't shared my full story and have provided the bare minimum, how about you refrain from judgement. When I say I've "asked" for a divorce, it means I've PROVIDED THE PAPERS and he refuses to sign. Stay the hell out of this thread if you have nothing useful to provide.
     
  14. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Grow up a little bit (and I don't mean that sarcastically). You and I both know there are ways to get divorces without the other's consent. It may take some time, but it is possible.

    I thought my advice was useful, but being the unfaithful wife that you are I can't expect you to see that what you are doing is wrong. It is wrong not only because you are married, but because the guy you are cheating with is also married. I'm sorry that you can't see what you are doing is wrong. I hope that someday you can own up to your actions and see exactly what you are doing.
     
  15. LittleStar

    LittleStar New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Duh...I know what I'm doing is wrong. Do you skim and not read? you must. I also believe the rules of this forum say something about no flaming, generalizing, or maliciousness allowed. And as far as I'm concerned you're being malicious. I asked for a discussion which everyone else has provided. You're the only one being rude.
     
  16. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    If you consider being completely honest being rude, then call it what you want to. I'm not flaming you at all. I am being completely honest about your situation. If I were flaming you, I would call you an ignorant immature little slut among other names. ;) (which I haven't)

    Do you only want discussion that gives you the things you want to hear? You're on the wrong website for that. Maybe you should try something like http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t64392/ if you're looking for support in your adultery.
     
  17. LittleStar

    LittleStar New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't want support for my adultery, you dolt. I wanted a rational discussion and help for how to handle things. Since you can't provide either, please see your way out of this thread.
     
  18. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    562
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    You just need to get out of this! You lived to the fullest with this person why drag this on for longer. Make an appointment with a lawyer and go from there!
     
  19. LittleStar

    LittleStar New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you for you honest opinion. The thing that worries me about seeing a lawyer, is how to find the best one for the situation. I don't want to "take my husband to the cleaners" or any of that crap. I just want out. Period. My stuff and my stuff only.
     
  20. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Please keep the name calling to the minimum ;)

    I already said my word on what I think you should do. I think you should stop living your lie of a life (from your own admission it is a lie which is also proven by the adultery). Get out of your marriage. Find a different lawyer if you have to.

    Out of curiosity, why do you consider yourself to still be married if you have filed for divorce? In most states you are considered to be "legally seperated" and therefore not technically married after you file.
     
  21. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    Then it should be easy. Very easy.

    As for choosing a lawyer, it is also very easy. Since you are not looking for damages and just want out...this is almost as easy as just filing the papers.

    Open the phone book and pick one near you.

    Or if you really can't do that, see your family doctor, ask him to suggest a good lawyer.

    YES, it is just that simple.
     
  22. LittleStar

    LittleStar New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    I can't file for the divorce until he signs the papers. Which he hasn't done. I can't get it annulled either. As for being legally seperated, that doesn't do me any good if I want out plain and simple.
     
  23. LittleStar

    LittleStar New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0

    I didn't even THINK of asking my doctor! what a good idea! Thanks!
     
  24. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    You're welcome. And Good luck.

    Update when you can.
     
  25. LittleStar

    LittleStar New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Alright, thanks for the help y'all. I'm out of here for tonight. So if I don't reply, it isn't out of rudeness, it's the simple fact that I have to go to work! I'll check back tomorrow! Thanks!!
     

Share This Page