Am I wrong?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by hayte997, Dec 16, 2005.

  1. hayte997

    hayte997 Guest

    My GF and I have together for over a year, we see each other daily and are pretty serious. We do not live together. We also don't really hang out with other people, I'm not the party type and she's over that phase.. I mean there's a few couples we'll go out with sometimes but neither one of us ever really go out with friends..

    Well, I was working late tonight and she mentioned that a guy friend from HS whom I've met wanted her to come hang out with him and a few other friends this evening. Naturally my tone of voice changed and she picked up on it and asked what was wrong so I told her that I just don't think it's right for someone (male or female) who's in a serious relationship to be hanging out with someone of the opposite sex. So she went into all that "don't you trust me" BS and "you make me feel bad for having friends". Which isn't true. I mean yeah I don't want her hanging out with other guys but I don't mind at all if she wanted to go out with females.
    And then she says "but you know him".. I don't know him, I've met him once or twice and I'm supposed to believe that he respects me enough not to try something with my GF? I think not. There's only one guy I'd trust with my GF and that's my best friend. (who is also her friend)

    What do ya'll think? Guys, would you be upset if your GF wanted to go out with some guy friends? And girls, wouldn't it upset you if your BF went out with some women? She says it wouldn't bother her but I think she just sai that because she knows it would never happen cause I don't talk to any other girls but she has a million and a half guy friends. And I've already explained to her that alot of these guys just want to have sex with her, they don't really care about her, they just see a nice body and pretty face, and they especially don't care that she has a BF. I know this cause 1. I'm a guy and 2. I've heard about several of these "guy friends" who have mentioned to a female friend of hers about how they "want a piece of ass".

    It just pissed me off that she would even consider going out with some guy. :o

    please don't flame me, I'm a nice guy and don't tell her what to do..
     
  2. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2005
    Messages:
    1,300
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    "The Shed"
    If you love her and trust her then I don't see the problem with letting her go. Everyone should have friends of BOTH sex. The only thing that would bother me if he was a complete stranger.

    I think you're being too possessive.
     
  3. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2004
    Messages:
    4,608
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Melbourne
    I have no problem with gf's hanging out with whoever they want, if I didn't trust them enough to not make stupid decisions I wouldn't be with them.
     
  4. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2004
    Messages:
    50,352
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    california
    think of it like this.

    if the absolute only reason she is not cheating on you right now is because you wont let her, then you should dump her.

    if she goes and hangs out with this guy, and blows him in the restaurant, then she was going to do that anyway sooner or later, and you need to dump her.

    BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if they are going to goto dinner and a movie and he is going to pay, then dump her.

    otherwise you are being too possessive. as your mind matures in relationships, you will learn that you cannot delay the enevidable forever. It is not healthy to seclude yourself from people other than your girlfriend also. because now when she is out without you, you are going to be sitting at home on OT hoping she isnt fucking some dood she went to highschool with. You need to expand yourself beyond this girl.
     
  5. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2005
    Messages:
    1,300
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    "The Shed"
    If they were going alone then it may be suspicious, but she wants to go out with a whole group.

    Point is, if he doesn't trust her then maybe he shouldn't be in a relationship with her.
     
  6. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

    Joined:
    May 27, 2005
    Messages:
    1,501
    Likes Received:
    0
    It sounds to me like you have a confidence problem. She should want to be with you because you are the best guy out there. If you don't feel like you are the best guy out there, get your shit together.

    I told my GF that if she meets a better guy, to go with him. It motivates us both to be the best for eachother.
     
  7. lou kim

    lou kim New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2002
    Messages:
    285
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    dont bring your gf in front of your friends....she will feel that they are her best friends too after a while no bueno
     
  8. RotiEatter

    RotiEatter New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2004
    Messages:
    131
    Likes Received:
    0
    If you try to keep a leash on her then she will cheat on you out of spite anyways.
     
  9. firedancer

    firedancer New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2004
    Messages:
    188
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    home of the 'Roos
    you're being a bit nutty (unless there's some past circumstance that would warrant you being so untrusting)...

    just because she wants to hang out with an old guy friend doesn't mean that she's going to whore it up - and if you can't trust her enough not to do that, then you two need to have a serious conversation about your relationship/ why you cannot trust her...

    I would be really pissed off if my boyfriend told me that I wasn't allowed to see old friends just because he didn't feel he could trust me with another guy, especially in a group situation.
     
  10. hayte997

    hayte997 Guest

    Well.. I'm a guy and I was never friends with a girl who I didn't want to have sex with. I know that sounds shallow but lets be honest..
    I wouldn't have cared if she had a BF. See, he was going to pick her up, obviously pay for everything cause 1. she is in college full time and doesn't work, and 2. has no money
    Then were going to hang out with a few other guys. I don't want my GF with a group of guys, I could just imagine all of them thinking they're "gonna hook it up". I try not to be possessive but as a guy, I just don't like the idea of her going out with other SINGLE guys.
     
  11. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2005
    Messages:
    1,302
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Seattle, Washington
    So now she was going on a single "date" with one guy then meeting up with a group of just guys?

    Thought it was a group of people she was going to hang with..

    PS: Did she invite you to come? if she didn't she's already cheating probably
     
  12. hayte997

    hayte997 Guest

    Well he was gonna pick her up then they would meet up with the other guys.
     
  13. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2005
    Messages:
    1,302
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Seattle, Washington
    and she knows all this and didn't even bother to invite you and is going? hmm......
     
  14. 0nthesp0tsgirl

    0nthesp0tsgirl New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2005
    Messages:
    67
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    so he offered her a ride... big deal! Just because HE may want to have sex with her, doesn't mean that she wants to have sex with him. Most of my old high school friends are male, and though they may want to get in my pants, it's just not gonna happen. It takes two to tango, as they say. So if she's going to cheat on you, she's going to cheat on you. And if she's happy in your relationship, she's going to go out with this group of guys and just have a good time hanging out.

    And so what if a friend buys her something. I mean really, when it comes down to it, as long as he's not showering her with gifts, what's the big deal? I've met up with old male friends several times and sometimes they want to pay for me, sometimes not. Just because she's hanging out with a guy doesn't mean she can't spend her own money, and just because she lets someone pay her bill doesn't mean she's going to let them get in her pants. If it's such a big issue to you that she pay for herself, then talk to her and let her know that it makes you uncomfortable and you'd prefer she pay for herself or or offer to pay for her yourself and give her $20 or something. But make sure that you are only expressing how you feel. If you start accusing her of things, it will backfire. Let her know that the situation doesn't make you comfortable, but that you trust her and know that it's ultimately her decision to go. And don't pull a guilt trip on her. If she wants to go, she's going to. Don't force her to lie to you about where she's going.

    When you're in a relationship, you have to put your trust in your partner. By telling her she can't go, you'll only make her resent you and feel like you don't trust her. Unless she's done something in the past to make you feel like she's going to go fuck some old friend, you need to let go of your own insecurities and put your trust in her.

    If my boyfriend ever told me I couldn't hang out with some old guy friend, we'd have quite the issue. She is your girlfriend, you don't own her. She is technically free to do whatever she wants. She may choose not to do things that you don't particularly like or want her to do, but it's HER CHOICE, not yours.
     
  15. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2005
    Messages:
    1,152
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm willing to bet she wouldn't run back to him and say "I totally sucked his wang in the restaurant and absolutely screwed his brains out when we got back to his place." "You can kick his ass and break up with me now." She most likely wouldn't say a word and it MIGHT possibly get back to him from his bragging about railing the crud outta this guys GF. I think this guy just doesn't wanna have her in a temptation situation and end up with some community pussy without knowing it. I don't blame him, a guy would have to be a total moron to be shocked that his GF cheated on him after LETTING her go into a situation with ANY guys he doesn't know, especially single ones. Seriously though, if she is that worked up about "needing" to go, I would keep my eyes open.

    Maybe it's not "right" to try to keep her from going, but in his defense she should look at it from his point of view and take his feelings into consideration. At least he's trying to think of their relationship, she's just thinking I wanna go "be with" these other guys. If she doesn't do that, she may not be worth worrying about.
     
  16. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2004
    Messages:
    4,608
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Melbourne
    That could be a load of shit, I hang out with girls who aren't my SO and don't invite the SO. Sometimes I just wanna hang out with my friends, and her with hers.

    Get some trust, honestly.
     
  17. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2005
    Messages:
    1,302
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Seattle, Washington
    You're also a guy not a girl..

    Not many girls just go hang out with 4-5 random guys over dinner without inviting their BF
     
  18. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2004
    Messages:
    50,352
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    california
    my point is that if the only reason she isnt cheating on him right now is because he wont let her into a temptation situation, then its only a matter of time, and he should just dump her.

    if there is no trust there is no relationship. but like i said, if it becomes the 2 of them in a date situation, especially if he pays for everything, then he should just dump her. there is no reason to go from an exclusive relationship, to a "dating" relationship. If that is her frame of mind then he needs to move on, because its all going down hill from there.

    However, she may just want to hang out with a friend she hasnt seen in a while, and like i said, there is no reason to stop her, because as of right this second, she has given him no reason to not trust her. And if all she is going to go do is cheat on him then let her because its only a matter of time and you may as well end it sooner than later.
     
  19. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2004
    Messages:
    50,352
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    california
    DING DING DING DING DING DING....

    i also try to only hang out with girls that i would fuck. i think a lot of guys do. think about it like this though.... how many have you fucked. i can almost guarantee that its not 100% of them. how many have you TRIED to, once again not 100%. AND you are totally discounting her part in your relationship. you think that the instant she is near another guy she is immediatly going to tear off her clothes and sit on his cock. this means one of 2 things:

    1. you are insecure.

    2. she has already cheated on you or someone before.

    if its number one, i think, you are not ready to be in a relationship. i was there before, you need to get yourself to like yourself. i started going to the gym my confidence went through the roof. if you are insecure with yourself, then no relationship you have will be a healthy one because you will always look for the negative and assume that she is going to leave you, then do what you can to stop it. even though doing what you can to prevent something, in this case, is totally illogical

    if its number two, dump her
     
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2005
  20. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2004
    Messages:
    50,352
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    california
    because its late and im bored im going to tear apart your original post....

    its not BS, thats the current problem

    how she feels is how she feels, she told you how she feels that means that it IS true.

    that means you dont trust her and heres why....

    you said it, not me

    you need more friends.

    this is a tactic used by you to control her. i know this because ive said that same exact sentance.

    if your so certain she will cheat on you, dump her. I will guarantee you money back that your next relationship will be exactly like this unless you get some self respect.
     
  21. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    661
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fort Fun
    I don't believe that every guy feels the same way. My ex husband was friends with a lot of girls he used to hang out with and he even would say out of the blue that some of them were gross for whatever reason. These were just conversations that happened out of no where by him. I trusted him 100% around any other girl because he never gave me a reason to mis-trust him. He always made the situation very comfortable and was always upfront with me about everything. Thats the way it should be.

    As for females... it's different. I have a few male friends and I would NEVER consider sleeping with or having a relationship with them... but I treasure the friendship.

    It shouldn't matter what the guys think. It matters how she feels. In a way I think it's good to allow these situations to take place because you find out what you really have standing in front of you. If she wants to cheat it's not going to matter how hard you try to make it stop. If it happens, it happens. You can't stop it. Let it go...and learn to trust her.
     
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2005
  22. SLIGHTLY

    SLIGHTLY OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2005
    Messages:
    1,486
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    That is exactly how i am. My current Girlfriend was a bit worried that i had a lot of female friends and very few guy friends. But being upfront and honest has paid off and she is ok with me hanging out with them.
     
  23. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    661
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fort Fun
    It's possible to have a happy medium you just both have to be willing to compromise. Compromise is key to any good relationship anyways. The person with the friends of the opposite sex has to be willing to communicate without question.

    Meaning: They don't expect you to question the things that take place, where they went, are, or what they did... they tell you without asking and without complaint or burden. They do not withhold anything important and they include you often. This is also where you make a concious effort to be open and friendly to them as well. Do not bring drama where it's not needed.

    If that is asking to much then something is wrong.
     
  24. toeshoes

    toeshoes Guest

    it's over ftw
     
  25. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2004
    Messages:
    4,608
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Melbourne
    Maybe so, most of my previous gf's have at various stages. It never worried me, nothing ever happened (afaik of course...) and my trust wasn't violated. Maybe I'm just more secure than most people though? :dunno:
     

Share This Page