Am I wrong for this?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Persephone, Jan 13, 2006.

  1. Persephone

    Persephone New Member

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    My gf was a pot head in high school and got caught with it alot. Two days ago she got pulled over for doing 51 in a 35 and she found out she failed her drug test again for the 2nd time. Now shes going to be locked up for 4-6 months or go to bootcamp for 6 months. I told her before hand that if she ever got arrested again and had to serve time that I would give her the boot.

    Now shes in jail and I told her that I'm moving out of the apt and leaving her.

    I just feel bad b/c shes so "in love" with me and I just don't think I should have to deal with this bullshit.

    I told her that once she gets out we could talk and take it from there but by no means will I be waiting around for her.

    Edit: We have only been together for a year and it was pretty much just a rebound relationship.
     
  2. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    You don't sound very commited to her, and don't seem to want the relationship to work so why would you be wrong for it?
     
  3. skelm

    skelm New Member

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    Move on mate, you're obviously ready.

    Doesn't mean you can't be friends though, although you should probably wait a while first or you will just end back with her for her sake (possibly) and that's a bad way to go..
     
  4. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    It sounds to me like you're doing exactly the right thing: Looking out for #1. Go for it, you're being fair to yourself, and thats what matters.

    Who cares what a pot-head who obviously doesn't care that she has a major problem wants/thinks/feels?
     
  5. skelm

    skelm New Member

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    Obviously someone who came here asking for help because he felt somewhat guilty ;)

    Still, completely agree with this. How can you make her happy if you arn't happy? Move on mate, move on. If you still want to be friends with her later, great. Find someone else for now though - she's not for you.
     
  6. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    :werd:

    I have to agree...completely. You shouldn't have to deal with it if that is not a life you wish to live. Don't settle. It's not even about you really. It's about the fact that those are the standards that she sets for her life. Jail/bootcamp... criminal record... let alone drugs. Is weed the worst thing in the world? Sorry but if it gets you thrown in jail, my answer is going to be yes. I wouldn't want to deal with it at all to be honest. So is that as good as it gets? No.

    No one should have to settle for bullshit when there are plenty of people out there you wouldn't have to deal with all that with. I'm 26 years old. Never done a drug in my life illegally. I drink rarely. I have high standards and high morals. I've never been arrested. Never gotten myself in trouble and I haven't had the greatest experiences in my life but I try to rise above them rather than use them as excuses.

    It's not that difficult. :dunno:

    You told her your stipulations up front. She made her decisions. If it were me that would be that. It's not worth it to me to be with someone like that. I'm worth more than a couple hours of being high. I'm worth more than spending the night or my time alone waiting because my SO is stuck in jail. I'm worth more than the court costs and the stress of dealing with all that and most importantly visiting my family knowing that they look down at me as if I'm settling for less than what I'm worth and all the drama that may cause. I don't need that. It would put a label on me that I don't want. If your girl doesn't feel you are worth more than that then that tells you enough right there.

    Even if she were to tell you she'd change and beg you to take her back... she may change for a little bit but if she's not doing it for herself she's never going to stay that way. She has to better her life for herself. Not for anyone else. She didn't in the past when she got in trouble. And even then sometimes it doesn't alway stick. I wouldn't even mention that. That she should only do it for herself... Because in the end, that is what she'd tell you why she'd do it. Just to get you back.
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2006
  7. Persephone

    Persephone New Member

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    Thanx guys.
     
  8. low20

    low20 Member

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    ur doing the right thing..what if you were driving? then ud be screwed too...who needs that
     
  9. -Shaggs-

    -Shaggs- Member

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    Let her go man. She knew what she was doing as soon as she lit up that joint or whatever. You gave her a warning and she didn't respect you enough to listen. Now shes sitting in jail. Serves her right. Just move on.
     
  10. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    failed the test twice? and considerable speeding. no excuse if she really gave a damn. move on.
     
  11. Solus Emsu

    Solus Emsu ****** U N R A T E D ! ****** -----THAT'S HOW I RO

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    I agree.
    You are in no way doing something wrong.
    She is the one that is doing something wrong.

    I personally would not tolerate that. There is only so much a man can take before he says "no more".

    Look at it this way. What if you had kids?
    Would you want your kids around that kind of stuff?
    Would you want them to have to go through what you are going through now? I know I wouldn't.

    So I would not even think about talking to her when she gets out.
    What if you got back with her and you had a kid? Could you live with knowing the possibility of this happening again?

    Think about it.
     
  12. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    To me, this says more about how much she "loves" you. If she really loved you, she'd be more careful about her behavior. She's stop smoking pot or not drive high, or whatever. Her actions do not mesh well with her words.

    Me, I'd dump her for *lying* to you about not screwing up again. If she really does love you, then you may be doing her the biggest favor of her life - letting her know that people do expect her to hold up her end of the bargain, and she just lost a great guy. With any luck, she'll realize the errors she made and shape up, and be better for the next guy she meets. You, too, will have benefitted because I think it's *very* important that you gave her a standard to live up to and you enforced it when she failed. This is SO important. Lots of guys would cave, and then be upset when she did it time and time again.

    In reality, my GF smoked when we met. I used to, but quit, and now I hate smoke. She promised me she would quit smoking before we got married. Guess what? Over the past 3-4 months she has slowly been smoking fewer and fewer cigarettes each day. She is down to one per day, and she told me last night that after this last one she is not going to buy any more. Now, to me, that is holding up her end of the deal because she cares, loves, and respects me. You can find a woman like that too, just maintain your standards.

    Sorry to hear about it, but in a way I am glad because I know it means you're a great man and will be rewarded for it sooner or later with a much better woman. Go hang out with some friends, have a good time, and look forward to meeting her. ;)
     
  13. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    you 2 just dont seem right for each other. Differnt kind of lives ahead of you...


    Holy shit pot laws though, where are you from? You could get caught daily with it here and get nothing more than a ticket each time unless you have more than 1/2lb.

    And 51 in a 35 isnt bad either. Is she a bit poor? If not leave her with some advice to get a new lawyer.
     
  14. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Wow. Even here in MI, the laws are worse than that. Here its like a 3-strikes rule kind of thing, though. Either way, my cousin lost his drivers' liscense for 90 days and if he gets caught again he will be in jail for 90 days for having pot... and we're talking like a dimebag or some small amount like that. Either way, my thoughts are like Epiphany's: it may not be the worst thing in terms of the drug world (as compared to coke/crack/heroin/e/etc.) but if it can land your ass in jail, there's no excuse for using or having it.

    True, but it depends on the circumstances. I had a ticket when I was 16 (young dumbass, what can I say?) for 76 in a 35... but it was the middle of the night, on a stretch of road with no traffic and no pedestrians. Just paid the fine and went on with my life.
     
  15. erobbins

    erobbins Active Member

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    you're not only doing the right thing, you should have done it long ago
     
  16. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    That includes alcohol if you are under 21, driving under the influence, or drunk in public.
     
  17. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    :werd:
     
  18. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    Run.

    Don't look back.
     
  19. skelm

    skelm New Member

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    Give her something along the lines of.. this:

    [​IMG]
     
  20. islanderman7

    islanderman7 New Member

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  21. skelm

    skelm New Member

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    I love these well thought out, helpful replies...

    Seriously, what was the point of this?
     
  22. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    The title of the thread is: Am I wrong for this?

    Probably just giving a short answer.
     
  23. chess

    chess New Member

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    To me... If she was " so in love" with you bro, she wouldnt have failed the drug test... I use to smoke in college havent sense then, due to my job and my top secret clearance... i will loose my job for anything stupid... and dont plan on it...

    Trust me you can do better !!!
     
  24. :smile:

    :smile: New Member

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    :werd: if she was relaly in love with you & knew that you'd break it off if this happened, then she wouldn't have done it in the first place. you should go but maybe still be friends if you can.. cause she may need someone right now
     

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