Am I too nice?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by mcents717, Sep 12, 2009.

  1. mcents717

    mcents717 New Member

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    hi OT

    I have somewhat of a problem.

    I cannot find a girl who is seriously interested in me or even to "hook up", I think its cause I am too nice...

    - I always compliment
    - I never am aggressive, sometimes I think I'm timid.
    - I have great manners

    i have a lot of girl-friends, but no girlfriend.

    i am not trying to be anyone else, this is just how I act.

    do most girls enjoy the "rough" type?
     
  2. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    you can make up for roughness with teasing.
     
  3. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Nothing wrong with being a good, nice person. But:

    1. When you compliment, make sure it's a real compliment that she deserves. Don't just compliment her for the sake of trying to be nice. Give her a genuine compliment when you feel like she genuinely deserves to be complimented.

    2. You don't have to be aggressive. Just be more assertive. Go after what you want.

    3. Great manners...nothing wrong with that. I'd check to see if you're laying it on too thick though. You don't have to thank someone for every little thing they do for you, for example.
     
  4. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    ^ BTW, I'm not saying any of that will help you get laid, but it'll help you build self-respect, which will very likely lead to better success with women.
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    er. so it won't help to get him laid but it will lead to better success with women.

    i'm inferring that you mean it will help him get laid in the long-term, rather than the short-term.
     
  6. freckleface

    freckleface expose the raw nerve and get on with our lives...

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    I do not think so. My hubby is/was the same! 7yrs

    YES some chicks like em rough but not all. You just have to find the right one. On the other hand if you are just trying to get laid. IDK what to tell you!
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    as a guy,

    the best guarantee for an LTR with any girl is to have sex with her as soon as absolutely feasible.

    the faster the better. because then (if you stick around afterwards and are nice and intimate) the girl thinks to herself, "gosh, i did that so fast, i must really like this guy."

    this is how things work out in practice.

    so in effect, the pre-intercourse difference between "just getting laid" and "looking for more" is nonexistent for a guy.

    accordingly, the advice for each situation is exactly the same. :bigthumb:
     
  8. JaneJaneJohnson

    JaneJaneJohnson New Member

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    Hi mcents,

    Is it possible that you're coming across as artificial, or stilted? I have a friend who is, seriously the Sweeeeetest guy I've ever known and he fits everything you just listed.

    He's a serial monogamist, and has had many many many hookups besides. I wouldn't say he's devastatingly gorgeous in the typical way - he's skinny, and barely average height, with an interestingly quirky face - but he's very confident in who he is, and he's very genuine and sincere which I'm guessing makes him attractive to women.

    I think Viper's on to something. Make sure you're not playing the "nice guy" role because it's comfortable, or easy, or your default mode. Make sure you mean what you say, and that you're assertive when you know what you want. And manners are great, but let YOU shine through as well. Your passions, your opinions...

    You'll be fine. :) You remind me a bit of myself a little while ago. I just wanted everyone to like me, and I thought that if I was nice to them, they'd be nice back. It didn't really work out that way, ha. But you'll figure it out. Don't be afraid to let the fire and brimstone out once in a while.
     
  9. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    Being nice or rude is not really a problem. Girls need to find you attractive otherwise nothing will ever work. I know girls who are head over heels for nice guys, and by nice guys I mean extremely nice guys. This kid gets his food cooked by his girl friend, she even does all his chores. Not to mention she is extremely attractive. The main reason why she likes him is because he is just a helpful person in general.
     
  10. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    as far as i can tell they find you attractive very, very much based on behavior.

    i have undergone drastic external changes and all along my success with ladies has been completely unrelated
     
  11. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl: you really must think girls are stupid. We don't say that, but as viper said we like when a guy is more assertive/aggressive.
     
  12. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    I seriously think that the best way to get laid is to stop caring what women think. If you don't get laid, atleast you will have a good time. Who gives a shit what people think. I know kids who have done all the things that a POA would do, who know people, who are in frats, who bulked up to 170 lbs, who drive nice cars, got big house, throw big parties, know alot of women, yet they are still lonely after 4 years of college. I on the other hand hit up bars and sometimes when I am not talking to someone, I put on my headphones.If a girl is interested she will tap me or something, otherwise who cares man. My friends even busted my balls one time for bringing Chinese food to a bar, I ended up sharing it with some girl and we had a nice little conversation. Life is so restricted already, you go to fucking school, you go to work, you follow all these diets to stay in shape, you even shave every morning, take showers and spend hours and hours trying to look presentable. If anything, atleast let your behavior stay the way you like it, and not how people want it to be.
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    you gotta find good times somewhere.
     
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :o

    i don't mean girls actually *say* that, like, out loud, or to yourself, or even think it consciously.

    but i think it's true on an emotional level: the whole "it just happened" narrative is a powerful thing.
     
  15. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    Yea man, I think I have finally found myself during the past week or so. Feels great.
     
  16. mcents717

    mcents717 New Member

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    Thanks for all the responses, the discussion is awesome.

    I'm not looking to get laid, just something more than a friendship.

    An easier way to put it is that I am never the alpha male, not that i'm shy, just not assertive I guess.
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    What do you mean by that?

    More specifically.

    What's more than friendship but less than getting laid?

    Oral sex?

    Asexual romance?
     
  18. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Jesus christ, just be more confident and dont allow yourself to keep getting friendzoned.

    Interested? Let her know. Take her on a date, kiss her.

    /thread
     
  19. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    4.) make sure to overthink everything
     
  20. kronik85

    kronik85 New Member

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    those're qualities/actions he should already be taking, most guys (myself included) are brain washed into thinking women should be treated like innocent little princesses that need to be doted upon and ass-kissed endlessly for them to like you when reality isn't like that at all.


    think of this like a lowly white belt newb, mounted for the first time and told to defend himself, whats the first thing he does? stick out him arms. why? life has told him the proper defense against an attack is to push the defender away... now you and I both know that's essentially the last thing you ever want to do when mounted, but the newb doesn't know that, he has to be taught, then he has to think about how he's going to isolate an arm, upa, and get into the other guys guard. and for the first few months, he thinks alot, infact, it's good for him to be "overthinking" (finetuning) until it becomes instinctual.


    so you could say, dating is alot like bjj :wiggle:
     
  21. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    Girls might not take your compliments seriously. If you compliment often then the compliments don't carry the same weight or they may come out as sounding forced. Also, you don't have to be very aggressive but you should make sure that the girl you are interested in knows that you want her as more than a friend. Lastly, I see nothing wrong with you having great manners but sometimes people might confuse having manners with being stiff.
     
  22. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Also even if they do... what's the result of a girl taking a compliment seriously? She feels good about herself. She doesn't necessarily get wet.

    I think compliments can be good (or, from a more pragmatic perspective, useful), but just wanted to point that out. It's a nice thing to do but when I picture giving compliments as described here, I get a sense of solemnity, which may not be very arousing or exciting.

    Real Compliments aren't going to get in the way of sex. And they are good... but not necessarily for the reasons people are implying. Like, the reaction to a Real Compliment isn't going to be Instalove or even sexual attraction, it's going to be a self-esteem boost and a happiness boost...

    In short, Real Compliments and Getting Laid aren't all that related, IMO.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2009
  23. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    What I was getting at more was that he might sound phony and that definitely won't get him anywhere.
     
  24. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    Everything is like BJJ isnt it lol

    Here's my take on it, I can tell my student not to put his arms out but honestly, until he gets armbarred enough he aint going to really understand WHY he shouldnt put his arms out like that. I can tell him till im blue in the face but until he gets that battle hardened into him on the mat through EXPERIENCE he aint gonna get it now is he? That's why I dont teach techniques at all if ever, I spend all of my time on the mat with new people and talk to them the whole time, working with them, experiencing with them and helping them. A relationship is like grappling where you help eachother get better, like say me and my coach. A lot of the shit on here is like "Hey im a black belt you should listen to me that person is terrible just tell him not to put his arms out lol dont waste your time rolling with him/her he sucks lol"


    It's experience, mat time.. sticking it out and learning how things work and rolling a lot that counts. Here it's like, they tell someone not to put their arms up cause they're going to get armbarred and they'll not do it and move on, but then they'll get with someone else and do the same damn thing again because they didnt get armbarred the last time.

    LoL this is fun


    So to me it's like this, think about it back in the day where people learned like everyone learns everything in life.. the hard way, you can sit on these forums (not you, just in general I guess) and talk to people till you're satisfied you accomplished something but the big thing is, you're probably not getting the big picture and are just bullshitting to bullshit and delaying what should happen sooner rather than later.\

    where's the high five smilie, I need to post that

    :hi5: :highfive:
     
  25. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Good point
     

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