SRS Am i the only one that has had such few relationships?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by M.O.B., Nov 7, 2005.

  1. M.O.B.

    M.O.B. New Member

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    I don't know what to do anymore with regards to women and getting into a relationship with them. I am 26, going to be 27 soon. I have only been in one relationship that lasted about 3 months when I was 24. I am not bad looking and I am not overweight. I know I lack confidence and have severe bouts of depression at times so I can kind of see why they wouldn't want to date me. But there are other good qualities to me that I believe supersede these problems.

    But even when I wasn't depressed and felt like I had confidence on a date it doesn't get past that first meeting. I'm begining to think that there might be more wrong with me than just the things I have already listed.

    It just depresses me further to see couples having such fun together and take it for granted. What have I done to be left out on sharing ones life experiences with a significant other?

    I can certainly see in way how disabled people feel. I'm actually starting to think I might be mentally disabled in some way that has not been diagnosed. Not with regards to depression but possibly some form of retardation perhaps?

    I have tried numerous online dates and still keep getting contacts from women who show interest, but I no longer even reply to them because I know it will just lead to failure and waste both of our time.

    Anyone that could give me some pointers or that can relate please respond because I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I would really like to share my life with a great woman!
     
  2. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    [FONT=verdana, arial, helvetica] I've spent hundreds of hours of my personal time dedicated to being more successful with women and in life in general, and I finally feel like I am 'over the hump'. I feel as though things have 'clicked' for me, and I just need to polish up the foundation that I have.

    Anyway, I have refined what I think are the most important things to do in order to be successful with women. Notice that there are no techniques here?

    Dedicate 2-4 weeks of solid work on each of these things and by the time you get to the end, you will be a much more attractive person, and the best part is, you will still be YOU. You won't be memorizing routines or running game. You will be a man who is extremely attractive to women, you will have a large social circle to pull high-quality women from, and you will be able to screen out the girls that are not worth your time. Do these in whichever order you feel suits your lifestyle, but DO THEM ALL:


    Get in the gym

    - Getting in shape will give you a confidence boost unlike any other
    - Will help regulate body chemistry
    - You will feel great and use less sick days at work
    - Check out http://www.bodybuilding.com for all the info you need

    Have above-average grooming practices

    - Get your hair cut at a top-notch stylist and take pictures
    - Whiten your teeth
    - Keep a shaving / skin care regiment
    - Carry gum or breath strips with you at all times
    - Find a fragrance that says something about your personality

    Be fashion conscious

    - Buy a few fashion magazines and STUDY them. Pay attention to the details, because this is what makes all the difference.
    - Figure out a look that works for you and is comfortable to wear. Have a female friend help you.
    - Dress a little bit edgy. You will stand out if you have the confidence to do it.
    - Wear clothes that fit as they were designed to fit
    - Have great shoes. Yes, women notice. I have asked.

    Have 3 or more hobbies that you are passionate about

    - Women can sense that you are passionate about something in your life, even if the topic itself does not necessarily interest them
    - You will meet new people through your hobbies
    - Keeping busy is an attractive quality to women. It shows that you have a life of your own.

    Make friends with three attractive women

    - You will get to know the way attractive women communicate, think, and act
    - Women make great fashion consultants
    - You will exercise your boundaries by being platonic friends with an attractive woman

    Make friends with three men who are great with women

    - You will see how men who are successful with women act
    - Their attitudes and beliefs will rub off on you, and you will become more successful yourself
    - Peer pressure is a great motivator for positive change, such as approaching women

    Be THE leader

    - Always have a plan
    - Physically lead the women around you. Take her hand and lead. Guide her through doors.
    - Demonstrate to her how to act around you, and what acceptable behaviour is
    - Set short term and long term goals and achieve them

    Learn to flirt.

    - Learn how to properly use cocky comedy
    - Learn the body language that makes anything you say funny
    - Learn to communicate sexuality with your eye contact and posture

    Do the right thing.

    - You are leading a woman and possibly a family. You must make wise choices and act appropriately.
    - Doing the right thing is not always doing the easiest thing.
    - Balance what you were taught with your personal experience, know your morals and stick to them

    Be the prize.

    - Have a very strong sense of self
    - Know that you are a great catch and any woman is lucky to have a chance to get to know you. If you do not truly believe this then do whatever you have to do to make yourself the best man out there.

    Set very strong personal boundaries and guard them

    - Know what parts of your life you control, and maintain control of those parts
    - Do not waste energy worrying about or trying to control the aspects outside your boundaries
    - Be firm in guarding your personal boundaries
    - YOU control who or what you allow inside your boundaries
    - Do not tolerate anyone trying to take advantage of your boundaries

    Deal with any issue in your past that bothers you.

    - Past issues can become problems with your boundaries
    - Sometimes your issues might cause you to not do the right thing out of fear or guilt
    - Know your weaknesses and work to overcome them
    [/FONT]
     
  3. Darrin

    Darrin Eat. Sleep. Arrest People.

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    100% spot on.

    Also:

    http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/

    I wasnt terrobily bad with the women, im a decent looking guy with a great personality but i wanted to up my game a little. This guide is HUGE, i honestly sat there for about 6 hrs whilst chatting away on AIM/MSN reading this stuff and its 100% amazing ;)

    Honestly, if you read the first few pages and you think "This is Bullshit", dont read on, because part of it is knowing what is being said is correct and adhering to it. Its VERY VERY interesting at the LEAST, and at most, its a complete pin-point guide to becoming a machine ;)


    A Short example: (cliffs)

    The start of the guide explains about when approaching a woman to use "The 3 Second Rule". If you see a woman you like the look of, approach her within 3 seconds of doing so. In this time you cant worry, get nervous, or think what can go wrong.. etc..


    The point of the 3s rule is to propel you to approach women fast enough to keep your internal voice from talking you out of it and avoid hesitation. You do not want a woman to see you hesitate. The longer you hesitate, the more insecure and sappy you appear. Also, hesitation creates an added sense of nervousness to your mental state - a personality trait you do not want to portray when approaching women.
    Even if you can't think of any way to initiate a conversation with a woman, whatever you do, don't break the 3s rule! Act in 3 seconds as the default rule, even if you have no idea how you will continue. If you don't have an opener or opening line in mind by the time you're in front of her, at least just say "Hi". If you act in 3 seconds, she will notice it, no matter where she just came in from or where you came from or how you passed by each other. She will see the spontaneity and decisiveness in your approach and it can only work in your favor. If you wait, hesitate, then decide to approach, you are in a weaker situation. Hesitating will give your self-doubt a chance to create imaginary bad outcomes and add unneeded insecurity to your approach.
    With the 3s rule, you don't need to wait for eye contact or for her to notice you or for an opportunity to present itself. You simply see something you like and you go right up to it. You are also doing yourself a favor by following the 3s rule. In three seconds, you have no time to become nervous, self-conscious, sweaty, shaky - all the obvious signs of an chump: lacking confidence, quality, power, or assertiveness, a weakling around women, a pariah to beautiful girls. Even if you start sweating, or getting shaky or stutter while talking to the woman after following the 3s rule, you weren't that way when you initiated contact. The first impression is what counts. If that first impression of you is of a confident and spontaneous man, her feelings for you will be positive from the start, which greatly the minimizes the chance of you turning into a pile of jelly while talking with her. It sets the pace and helps keep your inner voice at bay, allowing you the chance to keep up your confidence.
    The 3s rule, though, is not absolute - you may simply not notice her when she enters your environment, or maybe you'll be tied up with something that might in some way stop you from approaching her (real obstacles, not your imagined ones). The 3 seconds start counting from the moment you have spotted her and are free to approach. When those two conditions are met, you really don't have the time to think deep thoughts, or try and figure out whether or not she noticed that you didn't approach her because you were either too preoccupied, restrained, or simply oblivious - the clock is always ticking, so move it!


    ^^^^^

    Thats a full excert from the first point that i described, honestly, its a great read.
     
  4. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Good points above. I was going to say hit the gym, for exactly the reasons listed. In like 90% of cases, working out (we're talking half an hour of weights two or three times a week) fixes "chronic" depression. From a quick glance, the other points bear similarly reading in detail.
     
  5. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Very good points above. Might I add that social skills are LEARNED. Unless you have been practicing, and failing, then you have not learned anything. Just like trying to learn how to jump a motorcycle over 100 parked cars, you cannot expect to just learn to ride and then jump. You'll crash and burn.

    Take your time and read all the advice sites mentioned above. I had the same problem, although I cannot remember quite how many women I had been with at 26, it was not a lot. Maybe 3? And they were all complete failures.

    Personally, I bought the $99 System at www.DocLove.com and ... man ... it just changed my life. From there I read the other sites, like www.SoSuave.net and www.FastSeduction.com and now I am a lot more confident.

    All you really have to do is learn how to be a man, and not a boy.

    Go watch these movies as well:

    Tao of Steve
    Groundhog Day (practice makes perfect!)
    Swingers

    They are mostly right on about certain things, so see what you can pick up.

    Good luck! :)
     
  6. M.O.B.

    M.O.B. New Member

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    Hey guys! I really want to thank you all for taking the time to reply! Great responses so far.

    Although I don't hit the gym, I do run/jog 3 to 4 miles a day or 3 times a week at the least so I am somewhat in shape. I have been to the sosuave.com forums and I have been reading the topics that are posted over there.

    I think one of my other problems is actually learning from my mistakes. I suffer from Learning disabilities which makes it hard for me to concentrate and focus on things. So when it comes to women I can't remember my actions or what social instances made me fail.

    I am also extremely lacking with my sense of humor. I tend to be boring and pretty much just listen to what a woman says and I don't really say much myself. I am tense and take things too seriously, it must stem from my upbringing.

    These socail skills that I lack also affect me in making friends since I tend to not say much around people or make any jokes. It's like I can't learn how to intereact even though I am subjected to it. Do you all know if I might have some kind of disorder? Like some form of autism?
     
  7. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    I myself have trouble having long convesations with people where i am the one talking most of the time. The thing is you have to practice that too. You cant just like that turn on a switch and talk. maybe you can talk to people more about something you like to do or love to do and find people who share that same passion. After practice you can branch off into any topic and talk alot more about it even if you are not too interested in it.
     
  8. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    wow man this sounds just like myself. im almost 24 and also only had one relatiohship. I go to the gym ,im not bad looking from what people have said, but i need to polish up in the woman area to actually get them
     
  9. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

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    All the suggestions listed above are great. I believe my brother has Asperger's Syndrome, which is a mild form of autism. He is a very different person than most, and I forsee much trouble with women in his future (he's 16 now).

    You may want to look into this, I think he will be getting therapy soon, but things are tough for him.

    What is Asperger's Syndrome?
    http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/aswhatisit.html
     
  10. KDazzle

    KDazzle New Member

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    i have the same exact problem. with friends i know well i can be funny and interesting but when i'm interacting with ppl i don't know too well, im as boring as a log. i dont know. it's like my brain just shuts off and i just dont have the ability to be funny or entertaining
     
  11. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I'm 25, and the longest relationship I ever had was 3 months. Before that it was 2, and before that 6 weeks. So I'm improving! :) I have never really 'dated.' I've had a bunch of one-night-stands/flings, and I've had the three short 'relationships,' but they didn't arise from dating... we just sorta clumped. Dating was bypassed.

    I'm determined to date. I'm tired of feeling lonely after fucking a stranger, and there must be an evaluation period before you clump with someone. Thats what dating is. I'm gonna try it.
     
  12. M.O.B.

    M.O.B. New Member

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    It's funny to see this thread brought up again. Less than two weeks after posting this thread, I met a girl off of match.com and the first date went very well. The 2nd date did a complete 180, I wound up getting too drunk, I got extreme social anxiety and did not say much to my date or her friends, drove home and wound up getting a DUI. The girl completely blew off any contact I tried including immediately blocking/deleting me off her AIM after the 2nd date :(. Not even a "sorry to hear about the dui, but I'm no longer interested".

    It seems that the whole online dating thing is just not gonna work out for me. Which is sad because I'm so damned shy that I will never just randomly go up to a girl and talk to her. I really wish I could at least have some flings like you Peyomp, but I don't even have that luxury. I can count on one hand how many women I have done it with!
     
  13. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Just quit drinking and try, try again. Your first date wouldn't probably work out. Thats the POINT. This isn't arranged marriage. Does it occur to you that you're not good at this because you have had no practice? All you need is practice.

    Get back on the horse, sailor!
     
  14. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    I have the same problems as you, but I'm a year older than you and I haven't been in any relationships. I've seen girls and like them but always was too afraid to start any kind of conversation. I'm like this with ALL strangers though. With people I know, I'm a goofball and I'm outgoing but with people I don't know and/or just met them I'm very quiet with them and I tend to shut down.

    I wanna improve on this because as I become older I am gettin to realize I need those interactions with the opposite sex, I don't like not having a girlfriend and i miss that.
     

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