Am I still hung up on my ex? (long)

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ScrapXmetal, Oct 10, 2008.

  1. ScrapXmetal

    ScrapXmetal Why so manly? OT Supporter

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    (Cliffs at the bottom, in bold)

    When I was about 14/15 I met a girl in my freshmen year of high school who would pretty much changed my life. I went through so many new emotions, had completely new experiences...I felt like I had learned so much just about relationships and life from the things me and her went through...she was my first girlfriend.

    She was a tough nutshell to crack. When we first started to talk to each other we both figured out quickly that we sort of had a thing for one another. Of course being inexperienced in relationships and the opposite sex. We didn't seem to know to go about being in an actual relationship. Overtime we tried and fail a few times until we finally got comfortable with one another and found a way for things to work. A lot of it was forgive and forget from both of us.

    We had our ups and downs, there would be times in which I couldn't stand to be without her around. She would be absent from school and I would be bummed out the whole day. Then other times where I would want her gone completely. We clicked pretty well, for the most part things were smooth...We had a lot of arguments sometimes playful over petty things, other times could be quite serious. She would sometimes say just the most outrageous shit, I've seen disrespectful people in my short life...BUT NEVER have I seen anyone go that far(will get to this later).

    Besides that, things were fine. I felt in love with her, I've dated girls after her and I don't think I've felt the same way about them as I have for her.

    We dated on and off throughout freshmen year. We were together all of sophomore year, and we broke up that summer. I think we started to feel disconnected from each other. Our relationship was maintained in school as in we see each other everyday in between classes at school, then possibly not see one another on the weekends unless we planned something.

    That summer we had a lot of downs, I didn't even feel like she was the same person anymore. We were tearing apart, she said she doesn't feel the same about me as she did before. Which I'm guessing she was trying to say she was leaving me? Which was weird because she still talked to me and kept in contact afterwards. She invited me to her birthday...but I think it was just to ignore me and look cool infront of her friends. Shortly after, over the 2 weeks between our birthdays, we got back together and I invited hers to my birthday and everything went smoothly...until she left earlier than all my friends and everyone was telling me how much of a bitch she was and how do I date her and stand to be with her.

    She later told me she wouldn't be returning to the same school anymore. Which was tough because we both had strict parents who wouldn't really let us out often, though I was willing to do what I could just to see her. I don't think she was and with all my friends telling me that she wasn't any good, I decided to break it off...only to my surprise on the first day of school, she was standing in the hallway talking to our friends.

    Oh, junior year. 3 days after we broke up, she was already with someone else. I thought I wasn't jealous and that I didn't need her considering I broke up with her. I guess she played the victim card with him and made me the villian or something. Inside I guess I was really jealous and that I hated him for taking her and her for moving on. Eventually I actually got to know him and found out hes a pretty decent guy. a bit screwed in the head but not so bad. Us being friends lead up to her breaking up with him.

    She kept hopping from one relationship to another. I guess hoping to prove to herself and me that she didn't need me, that she wasn't attached. We had a thing going on and knew we wanted one another but were too afraid to go back again. She finds someone who was after a friend of hers and shes been with him ever since.

    I thought I came to terms with myself that I was over her. That we are finished because I can't be with her anymore. She use to look amazing and was beautiful to me and afterwards all I saw was nothing but this ugliness that showed. My cousin who was going through a similar experience told me to cut off all connection and contact with her. So I did, besides avoiding her in school I told her to not call anymore, dont try to talk to me via aim or whatever. I saw her and this guy together everyday during senior year. I felt like a nightmare had come true, I would see them doing what we were once. No matter how much I looked and saw them together and everything I stayed strong and didn't let her see my emotions.

    I blocked her on aim, recently I unblocked her. We started to talk for a bit, though this only lasted about maybe 10 or 12 days. During that time, I was robbed and I was put in a situation where I thought I was going to lose my life. Luckily, I came out alive. We got into a ridiculous arguement and she ended up crossing the line and said "you deserve to have died when you were robbed" Ever since then I lost any shred of respect I had for her. I again broke off all contact with her. I shortly saw her at a friend's baby shower. my ex tried to bring us up and start drama. She tried to act like what she did wasn't anything that should be punished. I almost felt wrong.

    I again, told myself that I was done...but I find myself still on her myspace or looking at our old pictures sometimes and everytime I see them, I miss her. I have thought about things we've went through and that, I felt like we should of atleast given everything one last shot and tried to make things work again. I've asked my friends what they thought about us getting back together. They said that if we were to, it would be after highschool. We're both graduated now, and living our lives...but for some reason I still miss her! I don't know what it is, or why. Despite everyone's opinion I still felt a certain way towards her and still do. I almost want to talk to her again.

    Cliffs: I feel hung up on my first girlfriend, whom I dated back in highschool. It was my first relationship, I was learning as I went along. We dated all throughout freshmen and sophomore year but broke up that summer then over junior and senior year I saw her develop into someone I hated. Also convincing myself I don't need her. Even with all thats happened, I still miss her.

    I just don't know what to do anymore, I've tried dating other girls. I mean since that relationship, I've had 4 girlfriends. Though, I haven't felt the same about them as I do for her. Maybe I haven't found someone just as good? Or I have and fucked it up? Sigh, What should I do? Am I just helpless and haven't realized it yet? :hsd:

    Thanks for being paitence if you read all that. Sorry it was long. :o
     
  2. Tedrzz

    Tedrzz New Member

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    It sounds like you aren't over her yet. It's an easy thing to do, everyone's first real relationship is hard to get over once it's done and over with. But in the mean time you need to better yourself and really understand why you are better off without her. I mean, she treated you like shit from what it sounds like dude. After my ex and I broke up I was single for over a year just to level myself, get back in touch with myself and know right from wrong. I think the reasons why these new girls aren't as good as the ones before is just because you aren't over her yet, so of course they aren't going to be as good. I'm sorry you went through all this dude, can't imagine seeing someone who I loved so much with a guy in the halls everyday. Good luck.
     
  3. ScrapXmetal

    ScrapXmetal Why so manly? OT Supporter

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    Thanks. :wavey:
    I've been in this stage since I got out. I definitely feel better now than I did right after. I've gone over why I'm better off without her, but I guess anything I do doesn't really count until I'm completely over her but who knows right? I thought that maybe I was being too harsh, and maybe I should keep talking to her. I didn't of course, I came to ot instead because I guess even after self evaluating for 5 or 6 years, I'm still at conflict with myself.
     
  4. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Everyone is hung up on their ex and/or first gf/bf... but we have to get over it and move on.
     
  5. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    You don't remember or think about your first from time to time?
     
  6. ScrapXmetal

    ScrapXmetal Why so manly? OT Supporter

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    :hsd: So it's not that I love or miss her (her being who she is now) it's that...I miss who it was I fell in love with? I have thrown everything away, so I guess I should just stop looking at her page and stuff. I stopped talking to her and I got rid of her contact. I'm really aggressive towards her when I see her in person, I'm not out to get her but I'm completely sarcastic and just rude to her because all she does is talk bullshit. She spews lies and just says anything possible to get a rise out of people, a reaction, mostly approval from everyone. That is what pisses me off the most about her...she use to be just her no matter what but then shes suddenly seeking to be everyone's friend.

    I've told myself. I'm fucking DONE with her, but I still think about what it would of been like if things worked out between us.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yeah, definitely not true. I rarely ever think about my first love/boyfriend. When I do it's because someone mentions his name :dunno: There's never loving feelings or "I wonder where we'd be now if we stayed together..." he's just him. And we dated for 2 years :dunno:

    AK is right. You aren't over her because you've never cut her out of your life. Out of sight out of mind man, and that includes stalking her online profiles.
     
  8. ScrapXmetal

    ScrapXmetal Why so manly? OT Supporter

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    Damnit, can we not call it stalking? :o I mean its not like I'm on it right now, or all the time/everyday. :squint:
     
  9. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    you would be msierable if you guys stayed together. she is obviously a different person now, and she is not even someone you actually like. you like the her from 6 years ago.

    you are still for some reason comparing every other girl to her which is why none of the rest of them are "good enough" you need to realize that this girl was not perfect, and certainly not perfect for you.

    stop looking at anything online that has to do with her. dont check up on her, dont look at pictures, dont see what she did today, who left her comments, nothing. dont talk to her online, and when you see her in person, dont say anything. if you must be civil, say hi, and leave it at that. its better just to ignore her and do your own thing. or better yet, avoid places you know you will see her. and if it needs to be said, dont talk to her on the phone either

    the girl you loved is gone. shes not coming back. move forward
     
  10. ScrapXmetal

    ScrapXmetal Why so manly? OT Supporter

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    :squint: Yeah but not everyday or every minute like I'm obsessed with her or something. Its sort of when I log onto my bands page. :o
     
  11. ScrapXmetal

    ScrapXmetal Why so manly? OT Supporter

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    I feel like you came in and just slapped me then gave me the lowdown. For that I must say: thanks I needed that.

    Joking aside, I'm going to do this. Even if we do have mutual friends, I can still avoid her at all costs and I guess I've only been doing that to 80% So I'm just gonna try harder.
     
  12. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    you better try harder. thats no way to live, to be hung up on someone from so long ago. shes not wasting her time on you, so why are you wasting any of your time on her?

    try learning from the mistakes you have made the past 5 or 6 years with this relationship and when you start a new one, try not to make the same mistakes. thats what all these relationships are for, to learn from. if you dont learn, you will continue to make the same mistake over and over. trust me, its less painful if you just learn faster
     
  13. ScrapXmetal

    ScrapXmetal Why so manly? OT Supporter

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    My bad. Everyone helped! I mean it!:noes:
     
  14. coldstone

    coldstone New Member

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    Are you still hung up on your ex? Well, if you have to ask...
     

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