Am I off base here?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by JemmaX, Mar 28, 2007.

  1. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

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    I think this was totally rude, but i want your opinions. maybe i am totally off base here.

    I come home after work. my boyfriend is asleep on my couch. he has been taking a lot of naps lately, not sure why he is so tired. He wakes up and I head to the kitchen to put away groceries. I come back out and he has gone to my bedroom, where he is now lying in my bed. he says he is still tired. Im a little bugged cause i just got home and all. We talk while he is laying down and he kinda stops talking so i thought he fell back asleep so i leave the room.

    ten minutes or so later, he comes out of my room and we sit and watch some tv. Later on he admits that he didnt go back to sleep, he just masturbated then got up.

    Is it totally rude that he comes over to my place (we dont live together but he does spend a lot of time here, has his own key), then masturbates in my bed while im sitting in the other room waiting for him to get up so we can spend time together?

    I think its rude. I also felt left out, like why did he chose masturbating over sex with me. its not like I wouldve turned him down, sex has been very hot lately. but my biggest frustration really is with him jacking off at my place while im just sitting in the other room. i think it would be totally different if we lived together or were married, but we dont and we arent.

    he thinks im just crazy and making a big deal out of nothing. if you think so too, then i will apologize to him.
     
  2. audrey

    audrey New Member

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    It's selfish and lazy, but sometimes just jacking off is easier and faster and than the whole sex hoo ha :dunno: OR it might be something more serious.

    Maybe he needs to see a doctor. If all this napping and lack of energy is something new, maybe he is sick or something?
     
  3. otherlank

    otherlank OT Supporter

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    up until I got to the last paragraph, I was just going to suggest that you speak to him about it and describe exactly the issues that you have.

    But since you did talk to him, no, you're not crazy. You have reason to be upset. When you spoke to him, did he give you any reasons for doing what he did instead of spending time with you?
     
  4. audrey

    audrey New Member

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    and no you're not crazy. I would feel the same way :o
     
  5. HouseLing

    HouseLing When masturbations lost its fun you'r fucking lazy

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    i would think it was fucked up that you were just in the other room
     
  6. audrey

    audrey New Member

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    atleast he could have asked her to come in and watch :naughty:
     
  7. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    maybe you missed a hint while in the bedroom, and he felt neglected? did you make it clear that spending time together = sex ? perhaps he thought you were waiting to watch tv together, so he better hurry up and get his rocks off so there wouldnt be any distractions.

    sometimes jerking off is just jerking off. it's easier and gets to the point quicker so you can move on to better/more important things...it shouldnt offend you.
     
  8. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    I think calling it rude and being angry at him is a bit much. you do have a right to let him know what you are comfortable with in your own home, so if location is the issue, tell him not to masterbate at your place.

    maybe he sensed that you were annoyed with him for taking a nap. and where were you when he was in your bed? I'm assuming you didnt jump in bed with him. If you are tired, you are tired, while I understand how you can be annoyed if hes always napping, I assure you when you feel tired and want a nap, someone beeing irritated with you is very very annoying.

    I'm not saying that anyone is wrong, or that you shouldnt feel the way you feel. Just try to put things in perspective. This definitely doesnt seem like something worth getting to riled up over.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yeah, call me petty...but if my SO was over all tired and then admitted he was masturbating in my room whie I thought he was sleeping....I'd be pissed. But I don't know what to tell you because you already did talk to him and he doesn't think it's a big deal, which maybe it isn't to him.
     
  10. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    i think that is very weird and inappropriate. it's especially strange because he didn't even TRY to have sex with you first. i'd understand if he did it if you were too tired to have sex or something, but that is just strange. i would definitely bring it up with him again.
     
  11. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

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    Yeah we definitely talked about it, a lot, last night (didnt just run here and whine to you guys). just sometimes my conversations with him make me feel like he thinks im too neurotic and just need to chill. and sometimes I do need to.

    When he was lying in my bed, i didnt get the impression he wanted to have sex, just that he was going to sleep more. yes, i was a little annoyed but lately my annoyance with the sleeping has been mostly concern. there is something going on there that needs to be figured out but thats another issue.

    His reasoning was just that it was something he did, didnt think much about it. wasnt a big deal. didnt mean he didnt love me or desire me any less. thats pretty much all i got out of it.

    I just cant see myself going over to someone elses house, even one I spend a lot of time at, and getting myself off while the other person is in the same room. Yeah, sure, jerking off is easier and less hassle sometimes, but it seemed inconsiderate to me.

    He didnt even think it was a problem so of course no apology from him. pretty much we have different view points on it and were at a standstill on the issue. It also led to other discussions - its my place, not his, he wants to move in together, im not there right now because of past things that have happened. sigh.
     
  12. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

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    Sounds like he has a problem that you need to get him to bring out in the open.
     
  13. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

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    why do you say that? are you referring to the sleeping? the jerking off? what?
     
  14. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

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    Just my gut :dunno:

    always sleeping, jerking it, him always being so laid back and saying you are over reacting.

    I am a very laid back person so I know how I work.

    If I am acting normal and being laid back nothing is wrong but if I am being laid back and acting weird something is wrong.
     
  15. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You keep talking about YOUR bed and YOUR house. It sounds like you are kind of pissed that he's "invading YOUR space". Is this an issue for you?? If so, why'd you give him a key??
    And IMO that's pretty much all there is to it. I don't see it as a big deal at all. How do you know he wasn't thinking about you when he did it?? I know, I know.....you think it's crazy that he masturbates when you are in the next room but it's not all that crazy to me. Sure given the choice, I'll take a woman over a hand pretty much every time but I can certainly understand why he'd do this. I don't think it's a big deal at all.

    You sound like you had an expectation of hanging out with him that wasn't fulfilled. IMO that's your issue not his. OK so he was at your house and you were prolly excited when you saw his car and all that....then he's asleep, tired and doesn't respond to your excitement....it's natural that you would be down about that. The masturbation confession was just "the straw that broke the camels back" as they say. IMO this is still your issue. When you thought he was asleep (before the confession) were you pissed/disappointed??

    IMO the thing you need to focus on is changing your expectation.
    Ahh again with the pitty. You feel like your desires and expectations weren't met and chose to fight instead of enjoy the time you DID have together. So think about it this way.. If you had simply let it go, made a pouty but playful remark that you wanted to get off also...you may have been able to have a great night. Instead it sounds like you guys just fought. THat's too bad.

    Sure the masturbation isn't something you would do but so what...that doesn't make it wrong. IMO your issue has nothing to do with this masturbation thing and has more to do with him being in "your" space and him not including you in his fun. You feel left out....like when all the kids go to a birthday party but you aren't invited.

    SO here's a little trick, you weren't included in his party so make your own and invite him.
    Again with the my space stuff. IMO you should take back your key from him. You obviously have issues with him being in your space....why would you let him have a key??

    Like I said before I agree with your b/f...it isn't a big deal. However, because you fought over it...he's more likely to be dishonest in this area in the future. WHy?? Because he can keep it too himself and not have to put up with bitching/arguing or having to defend his actions....or he can tell you then here comes the shit train. Hmmm prolly gonna choose to keep his mouth shut in the future.
     
  16. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    what were your plans when you got home and saw he was there? were they not fulfilled?

    as said, it seems like more of a space issue. are you are jelous that he has more freedom in your place than you do? perhaps, you should jerk off on the couch while hes around. its your home, right?

    or do you not feel free to do that (even though he does)?
     
  17. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    i agree, i'm a very laid back person too but that seems very weird to me
     
  18. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Totally disagree. The problem IMO is not with the BF...the problem lies with the OP.
     
  19. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

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    we were going to make dinner then watch american idol. just a relaxing evening at home. instead i made dinner then we watched american idol.

    I dont feel like he has more freedom at my place than me, but i do feel like maybe he is taking advantage of his freedom there. I admit Ive got some issues with the living situation, i said it earlier too. Some of this is also tied to an issue i have with him and the computer that I posted about in FS.

    i believe because of all this, we are taking a bit of a step back, and honestly maybe thats what i need at the moment. But as you suggested Cootter, Im not going to take my key back. Im just expecting more respect of my space and I believe i will get it.

    and no, i dont think that something is up with him as Chris90210 suggested. I swear, so many people here are big on conspiracy theories :mamoru:
     
  20. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    so your plans didnt include sex?

    perhaps he realized this, took care of business without bugging you, and freed up the evening to do what you had planned.
     
  21. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

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    sex is rarely 'planned' but happens quite frequently. it has been especially hot lately. and i am never 'bugged'...im the one with the bigger sex drive (cause im a middle aged woman he jokes). actually i guess i assumed we would have sex, and when it got to be later in the evening and i realized that we wouldnt i got annoyed that he had already blown his load earlier.
     
  22. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    First of all, the name is Cootie.

    Second, the underlined part is what I think you were thinking about when you got home and you've just used this whole thing as a convenient excuse to give you permission to take a step back.

    Third, I said you SHOULD take your key back....since you obviously have issues.
    WTF does this mean?? What conspiracy issues are you talking about?
     
  23. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

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    things have actually been very nice for the last 3-4 weeks. i really liked the place we were at. he brought up moving in together again recently, i told him i wasnt ready and just wanted to relax with where we are now. i think he feels a little offended and he actually suggested him spending a little less time at my place.

    his living arrangement has been that way for like four years. i very much doubt it contributes to anything. it seems to work for him. the sleeping thing, as i said earlier, is an issue that needs to get figured out. it may even be a medical thing. he briefly wondered if he has mono.

    he says hes not depressed, not feeling 'bipolar'. he makes sure he gets solitude time everyday to kinda touch bases with himself and make sure hes in the right place mentally. im not a big advocate for trying to control bipolar without meds but i have to admit he does a decent job of it.

    so didnt really get your opinion...do you feel he was out of line to do this?
     
  24. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

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    much apologizies on the name :) but do you spell it with one T or two?

    no, this is NOT a convenient excuse to get permission to take a step back.

    the key is a convenience thing i have to admit. he can meet me there and doesnt have to wait outside looking like a thug trying to rob someone.

    That statement was made to Chris90210. seems like in every thread there is someone that says 'ooo this seems strange/weird/odd/different maybe he/she is hiding something/cheating on you/really a lesbian, etc.
     
  25. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Doh!
    busted...it's spelled with 2 t's. lol nice catch
    If you say so. Just seems kinda convenient and as I've already said, I don't think his actions warranted the response you gave so that's why this seems like a convenient excuse.
    Yeah but if it's causing you to have issues about it, perhaps you should rethink it.
    ahh ok... yeah I don't think he's hiding anything at all. I think he was just doing what he wanted and who knows....he might actually get a thrill out of possibly getting caught...even if it is by you. Maybe he was hoping that would happen.

    I dunno but I still don't think it's his actions or thoughts or w/e that needs to be addressed. I think it's your issues. Seems like others don't agree tho.
     

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