SRS AM I in love? Please serious advice!

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by deznutz, Dec 15, 2005.

  1. deznutz

    deznutz New Member

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    Ok so here is my long story..serious advice only please.

    Ok,
    So Freshman year in college, go up to a few parties, see this amazingly cute girl. Black hair, short, real attractive. I go up to her..find out her name, we talk a little bit.
    So after that, i keep seeing her at parties, just casually say "Hi" and thats about it...i really want to get to know this girl..but im shy. Make the story shorter, she gets a boyfriend (who i kinda know) and so i just continue to say Hi when i see her.
    Sophomore year hits, i tell her friend at a party i was at "Where is ::name::" And the friend tells her and she comes to the party just to say hi to me..and leaves. So we start talking online around halloween time and she wants to "couple costume" with me...well plans fell through because we couldnt arrange a couple costume in time. So we continue talking..We realize we have so much in common....
    Shes a virgin, as am i
    She hasnt had one sip of alcohol in her life..and shes 21, and i totally respect that because i dont like to drink either...I have but i dont really like to.
    She doesnt do drugs or smoke..i dont either.
    Our music taste is exactly the same.

    We find all this out, and she invites me to a concert of this band we both really like..so we go, have fun...it was a blast...and then i invited her to a concert, we went to that..we start hanging out with each other every night.. I would open the door for her and we would "poke" each other..just like casually flirt (she would try to trip me..i would do the same back) ....

    So were hanging out almost every weekend together and some week nights..we would go to walmart and shop or to the Mall of America...
    We go out to eat so much! In the past week, we've eaten out 3 times together. I would buy her the occasional flowers and such. I left a card on her windshield of her car in the morning (because she works).

    So we start hugging after each night...and we go see the christmas fireworks and just hold each other.. (so romantic) and this monday we have another concert were going to.... We decide to have a christmas dinner/gift exchange. I bought her a Star named after her ( i know kinda cheesey, but thats how i am)....

    Ok before i go any farther..this girl is 21 years old at my college and graduating in May...
    I am 19 years old and a sophomore...she is going to work on a cruise ship for 2-3 years depending on the situation...so i wont see her much at all.

    So tonight, i asked her if she wanted to be "official" boyfriend/girlfriend.
    Basically she tells me that she doesnt want to have a 6 month boyfriend because she will be leaving and it will hurt me less. So we continue talking...i tell her that she is not replaceable and she tells me she cares so much about me and i make her happy and we have fun together. I tell her the same.....meanwhile I am ballin my eyes out because i am realizing that There has got to be something between us... I mean my freshman Crush...and now were like "together" ....it gave me hope...and now that i realize that she is leaving me...i dont know what to feel. all i know is that i will miss her regardless.

    She is the best thing that has ever happened to me...she has given me so much..hope, ambition, will power...We have so much fun and being happy together. We've both told each other that we would never get sick of each other.
    I asked her (this was when i was pretty emotionally broken down realizing i may not be with her forever)...." Are there any girls out there like you?"
    and she kinda got a little offended and gave me this lecture about how "every person is different, sure you may have stuff in common, but no one person is the same" and then she says " why ,do you want to replace me?" and i tell her she is not-replaceable again.

    I really dont know what to do in this situation...she is leaving me in may...but i mean...we have so much to look forward too...Should i tell her i love her ..even though its been this short amount of time? should i just see how things go ...since we have 6 more months? She obviously knows how i feel and she knows i like her and care about her. Its just really hard when you find the perfect person.......
    :wtc:
    Please OT, help me out.
     
  2. whiteaccord

    whiteaccord OT Supporter

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    bro, just enjoy the time with her, obviously you're totally in love, in my opinion. i'm not really good at giving advice since i suck at this whole love thing, but just keep in contact and shit like that whne she's away.

    i'm almost in the same situation, except the person I like (and she likes me too) has moved back to Germany for College, and i'm here in California. we really like each other and want to be with each other but we can't because of our situations. it sucks, but i care about her so much that i respect her decision to stay in Germany and to get her degree. we're still going to keep in touch, and think about the relationship thing some other time.
     
  3. deznutz

    deznutz New Member

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    Yep, I try so hard to keep a positive attitude about it...but it bothers me so much because i can see it happening between us...last night i didnt sleep at all because i thought about us not being together in the end?
     
  4. whiteaccord

    whiteaccord OT Supporter

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    yea, i know what you mean...the past few nights i haven't been sleeping well since she left on sunday. try not to shut out other aspects of your life, friends are a big help, try not to go through this alone.

    we'll make it through this...

    :hug:
     
  5. Getting emotional around her right now is not a good thing. Just because you have things in common with her now doesn't mean that it won't change. She might be a completely different person when she comes back. What she wants to see the most is you to be strong and supportive. Don't ever put all of your marbles in one basket. When she asks if you want to replace her tell her you eventually have to.

    You're lucky to have had this experience with her. It could've been the situation where you say hi a bunch of times and all of a sudden you hear that she's leaving and you're left with absolutely no memories, nothing. It's better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all right? Be thankful for that.

    As for the relationship, what do you expect from her? Do you want her to stay with you? Do you want her to have an LDR with you? Neither of those things are practical. You can come out of this one of two ways. Either she will give you some new self confidence for you to be able to talk to other girls you find attractive or you'll be obsessed with her for the rest of your life. In the latter situation you'll probably never see her again but if you are able to be a man and live your own life, maybe you two will hook up again somewhere down the road.
     
  6. deznutz

    deznutz New Member

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    :wtc: I can only hope. But yeah i dont think a long term relationship will work because we would be "going out" by now.
    True.
     
  7. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    Just see how things go and enjoy the time you have with her. A lot of things can change in six months.
     
  8. deznutz

    deznutz New Member

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    she tells me this before she left for bed.

    "there is a first time for everything"
    "we will see how things go"
     
  9. RUchaps

    RUchaps Active Member

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    be careful not to come off needy, or you'll end up pushing her away. i'd advise to not focus on labelling your relationship so much, but just continue the relationship you have right now. when she leaves for the cruise line, the time apart will help you both gain insight to what each truly wants.
     
  10. P7

    P7 You have something on your tongue, let me get that

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    You need to tell her how you feel. People naturally hold in feelings, and she is holding some of hers in jsut as you are, regardless of whether or not she says she tells you everything. Maybe she isn't crazy about this job, or maybe she is also in love with you and perhaps theres a chance that she might change her plans to stick around. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Regret doing what you did instead of regretting what you didn't do.
     
  11. deznutz

    deznutz New Member

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    I dont want her to pass up the opportunity of her job, because i know she wont do it just for me.. she has told me "Its going to be so difficult to leave, and since you came into the picture, i dont want to"
    But i know she has too..its her job and future. I want to support her decision. I know she is holding back...i can tell because she will say "I need to tell you something, or I need to talk to you" and when i ask "What did you need to tell me" she will respond with something like "Oh nevermind" or.. "Nothing" and so it has to be something bothering her.

    We will see how our Christmas gift/dinner thing goes... I am just going to take it 1 month at a time, and when the time comes for us to depart...then we depart..and i hope for the best.
    She means so much to me.
     
  12. Enjoy what time left you have together and be sure to leave her with happy memories. Unfortunately, life isn't like it is in the movies where the girl decides to stay or the guy decides to go with her. In each case there are consequences for those actions. If she stays and she has difficulties finding a job down the road she's going to be resentful about that. And even if she does find a good job she may still harbor some resentment for missing out on that great opportunity. As for you, there's no job offer and you still have to complete your education anyway. And if you did have an offer and took it you'll have to go back to school eventually. And in either case if you guys eventually broke up it'd be nearly impossible to stay friends because one of you would've wasted your time. So there's really only one decision to make and it sucks but that's life.

    Are you in love? It sounds like it. I mean you've been after her for quite some time now. She might love you too. But will that love stay when you two are away? Who knows. Most likely it won't. However, when you guys do meet up again and if you do click really well and it feels like not much has changed, then you know that your love is real because if she doesn't change, you loved the real her. Sometimes when people see each other again after a long absense and notice that the other is completely different it's either because one person saw the other differently than who they were or the person actually did change and in that case the person you loved is no longer that person...it's an eventual growth of their own personality which really has nothing to do with being absent from you as it would've happened anyway.
     
  13. Echo Of Reason

    Echo Of Reason New Member

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    go out and find other girls to mess around with. It seems like you took way to long with this one and you have been classified as "friend". Next time make a move early on and then go from there.
     
  14. deznutz

    deznutz New Member

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    Update:

    Not good :sadwavey:
    It looks like she is trying to avoid me...GARH!
     

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