SRS Am I expecting too much from a friend?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Daemonfly, Mar 6, 2007.

  1. Daemonfly

    Daemonfly New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2005
    Messages:
    487
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NW Pa
    Cliffs: I do everything possible for a friend & I just get blown off (her WoW addiction is a big part). Is it right for me to expect more out of this friendship? Is it right for me to be pissed off?

    Been friends with a girl (just friends) for about 6 years now. It started online & grew to offline as well. We've grown to be very close friends, and I've helped her out with tons of shit. Her parents have been divorced and her father fucked her out of her college money (blew it on alchohol & DUI accidents) and has been out of the picture. She lives with her mother and
    they sometimes struggle to get by, so I do what I can. We met in Everquest (Online game). Chatted on AIM constantly, and that moved to the good offline friendship.

    I've helped her get through depression and got her to stop cutting. Been her shoulder to cry on through everything, including her on/off "boyfriend" (he lives in New Orleans, she in Cinci, (I'm in PA) and thats a whole seperate story there...). I've given her a $1000 "loan" (will never be paid back) a few winters ago for electric/gas when her Dad stopped paying support. I've built & custom modded her a computer & try to help her keep it updated. Either way, when she needs me, I go visit (5+ hour drive). Whenever I visit, wether she needs me, or just a general visit, I do everything I can for her. Buy her stuff she needs, or just little gifts, fix stuff around her house, help her with whatever. Just the last time, I spent around $400 just on her during a week & a half visit. Did some plumbing for her & her mother & some other house maintenance, and bought her a $100 cabinet to convert into a rat enclosure. I guess you can say I spoil her.

    Now, after Everquest her BF wanted to play WoW, so she did as well, and I tagged along. We all played together (altough there was some jealously issues on the BF's part), but I quit after I started playing too much. She still plays, and basically has an on-going WoW addiction.

    Fast forward to current... Visited her in Nov, Dec, Jan (B-day), and then Feb (a little more than usual) and each time, I've spent too much on her, and done everything I could to help them out. 2 weeks after I visited in Feb, she was heading down to visit the then non-boyfriend to possibly patch things up (Mardi Gras being part of the visit as well). I didn't hear a damn thing from her the whole time. Now, this is generally fine, no big deal, but when she's online 75% (WoW) of the time she's down there, she still doesn't bother to notice I'm on. Then she gets home, and still doesn't bother with anyone (been offline on AIM for about a month now). She's constantly playing WoW. I know this because when I visited, she promised to play with me if I bought the new expansion. I did, and reactivated account, just to play with her (and her BF, etc..), of course, she's yet to play with me at all, and just plays her 70 & raids. I asked her about this & basically said "oh.. uh.. I meant I was gonna play with you when I got bored with my 70". Yeah, ok, thanks... Blown off there too.

    My account expires March 20th, so until then, I check here & there to see if she's online in-game (she's on pretty much nightly). I hope that doesn't sound stalkerish, but I just want to know what I'm talking about when I confront her again, possibly for the last time. I can't make the argument without the evidence ;) I log in, check, and see she's online and think "yep, once again..."

    Now, I know she has a WoW addiction, thats not the point of this post. I just want others' opinions on it all.

    She's blown me off twice before, once for a pretty good period of time (almost a year), where she just plays WoW with her BF and her guild, and doesn't bother even knowing anyone else exists. No emails, not on AIM, etc... The longer time, she was gone for months, then comes online for about a week, end up talking about some issues she was having & she asks if I could help her buy something & she'd pay me back, I do, and after a short time, she disappears again. I've confronted her both times, and she's appologised and said I was right and stopped blowing everyone off.

    Am I just expecting way too much out of this friendship? Am I wrong to think that I deserve more? I'm not trying to "buy her love" with everything I do, but I beleive I deserve at least a little consideration.

    My birthday is March 7th, and I'm currently just biding my time to see if she even bothers to get on AIM, email, or even call to wish me a happy b-day, especially after everything I did for hers back in Jan. I planned on confronting her about this either a few days afterwards or if she actually says anything to me, whichever comes first. I'm really thinking this is the last time, as it's the 3rd time, & I'm sick of it.
     
  2. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    I hate to say it this way, but she's using the SHIT out of you. I'd cut back or stop altogether with all the spoiling you're doing. See if she notices; then you can address the real issues with her. Either that, or just cut her off altogether since she obviously doesn't value the friendship with you.
     
  3. 7960

    7960 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2004
    Messages:
    60,415
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    definitely

    If you value her friendship, tell her what's bothering you and what you expect from her. But if you do that don't be surprised if she stops contacting you. You're not a friend, you're not a companion, you're someone who's solving and enabling her problems.
     
  4. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    You do not have a friend, you have a user. I did not see a single thing in that post that would make me think she cares about you. She uses you as her therapist to help her deal with her problems and asks you to give her money for things. Why do you do this stuff for her? Are you in love with her? She is an addict, she comes from a family of addicts and you are just enabling her by trying to buy her friendship.
     
  5. Girder_Shade

    Girder_Shade OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    37,899
    Likes Received:
    20
    Location:
    Republic of Toronto
    I agree with everybody here.
    Man sorry to say but STOP BEING A PUSSY AND LETTING HER ABUSE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.

    Seriously, I just read all the stuff you have done for her and half of that I wouldn't even do for my own GF so I dont know why the hell you are doing it for some girl you met online that lives like 3 hours away from you, PLUS she already had a BF!

    Females will take advantage of any good nature us nice guys are willing to give.
    If she was a true friend she would value all your hard efforts to help her out during the hard times. Seems like she just values your money and easy target-ness for being taken advantage of.

    But first, talk to her about it all.
    And I do mean TALK like open up and explain everything that bothers you.
    If she still cant get the message, then throw her to the curb side PRONTO!
     
  6. FurryFriend

    FurryFriend New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2006
    Messages:
    365
    Likes Received:
    0
    The previous post pretty much summarizes it.

    I was in that situation myself several years ago. I still kick myself for allowing myself to be taken advantage of that badly. I had the "Nice Guy" mentality often brought about by loneliness and shitty self esteem.

    All people are naturally exploitative, but girls are usually more than guys. Many girls have an entitlement mentality towards men. I can't blame them because if I can get something for nothing, I would too. It's up to the guy to stop acting like a fag and develop some self-respect.
     
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2007
  7. Daemonfly

    Daemonfly New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2005
    Messages:
    487
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NW Pa
    Well, I was pissed when I wrote it (somewhat still am), so I can see I focused on pretty much all the negatives. I know if I stopped doing all that shit for her, it wouldn't affect much. I beleive she's a true friend, for the most part. But, yeah, I do spoil her way too much. I don't really know why. I plan on cutting that down quite a bit, thats money I can pay off bills with.

    It's not just me she blows off, it's mostly everyone she knows, aside from her BF and the small in-game clique. I just only care about myself, of course.

    Either way, I'll confront her on my b-day if she actually cares to bother, or shortly after. Hell, I might even just show her this thread (would probably be a good eye-opener).
     
  8. FurryFriend

    FurryFriend New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2006
    Messages:
    365
    Likes Received:
    0
    Confronting her is a horrible idea. It just makes you look like a whining loser. She'll probably go "oh, I'm soooo sorry, I will change". But she won't change. In fact, she'll lose all respect for you. You can never convince someone to like or appreciate you.

    Have some self-respect and just let it go and chalk this one up for experience.
     
  9. Daria

    Daria New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2006
    Messages:
    5,529
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ottawa, Canada
    From the perspective of someone who plays WoW, one of my guy friends recently joined WoW again and I JOINED him. My b/f doesn't like him, but so what? I just won't play with the two of them at the same time. I take the time to at least DO something with my friends online (quest / instance / at least chat on vent for a bit). And then on the weekends, I will go out with my guy friend and some of his friends to go out and eat and see movies.

    I must admit. It's a little hard to keep in contact with my friends who never even touch a computer, but I STILL DO. And clearly you made the effort day in and day out to stay in contact, so I don't see why she would be ignoring you. It's not that hard to handle a few PM's in-game at the very least.

    I agree with everyone in this thread. She is not being a good friend and I don't understand how she could keep asking / accepting favours from you if she's not even giving you the time of day. For starters, what has she done for you lately?

    You should probably just stop associating with her. If she's burning a hole in your pocket and causing you grief, she definitely not someone you should be associating yourself with.
     

Share This Page