SRS Am I doing the right thing?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Mideel25, May 14, 2006.

  1. Mideel25

    Mideel25 OT Supporter

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    I've been with my current girl friend for over a year. It is a long distance relationship. She lives about 80 miles from me, but she drives up and stays with me every weekend and sometimes during the week. (I'm 23 she is 20)

    This girl is awesome. She is so devoted and so in love with me. It has made coming to this decision very hard. I really don't want to hurt her. I love her, but it feels like I'm not in love with her anymore if that makes sense. I told her last night that I needed a break from the relationship to figure out why I don't feel right. As cliche as it sounds she kept asking if she did something wrong, but all I could say is "no it's something with me." I feel like I'm being suffocated. She doesn't have any friends anymore she only comes up to hang out with me. I can't handle the constant phone calls where we talk about nothing for a hour. I'm so disengaged that I'll just sit there and listen to her talk. I've started realizing how unfair it is to her and all.

    I've never had to break off a relationship where there wasn't a whole lot wrong with the other person. Normally something happens and I end it or I get broke up with. At any rate I haven't been able to eat in a week and I can't sleep either. I woke up this morning feeling so strange. I know she is hurting so bad and it makes me feel like such a horrible person. I just feel like throwing up. It's sunday now and normally she is here, but now I'm alone in my room and I don't know what to do with myself.
    Anyone have some advice for me? Or just some insight. I'm dieing over here. :sadwavey:
     
  2. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    It's obvious you are unhappy in this relationship. And it isn't fair for either one of you to be in a relationship where one is unhappy.

    My advice is just to tell her what you've just told us. It seems like you have a good head on your shoulders and that you really do care for her. If you just want to be friends, then tell her

    I hope everything works out well for you
     
  3. Mideel25

    Mideel25 OT Supporter

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    I hope it works out well too. She is a good girl and deserves someone that will put 100% into a relationship. I just can't do that right now. I'll most likely tell her we can be friends, but I'll understand if she can't do that right now.

    This is probably one of the harder things I've done in a long time. sigh..
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Personally i think a 'break off' isn't necessary. What you need to do is to talk to her about your relationship. A relationship is all about being together and still letting eachother being able to do their own thing. Or freedom within boundries. Its like a dog on a leash, if you don't give it room it will suffocate, if you give it too much room it will run away. The golden middle route is the way to go. What you have to say to your girl is that you want more 'space' , that you really appreciate and understand all the attention because she is in love with you, but that you are going nuts with being called every single minute of the day, ask her if she please will 'reduce' the amount of calls that she makes. She is an absolutely wonderfull girl, and if you let her go you'll regret it because you didn't see what you had in your hands. Why don't you make her and your dreams come thru, all what is needed is communication to let eachother understand that you don't want the other to constantly hang like a chain around the leg. If you carefully appeal this to her, it should be possible. What you need to see as your problem is that you have to aknowlegdge that in any given relationship, it comes with ups and downs.
     
  5. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    Communication is key. Tell her how you feel. Tell her whats bothering you in the relationship. Work on fixing it. You dont want to give her up and regret losing her some day like Darketernal said.

    If you really DO want to end it, dont do it with the "break" stuff. Dont string her along. Just tell her you would rather be friends.
     
  6. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Do you think that you couldn't make it work if you really wanted to?
     
  7. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    Communicate my friend. Gather your thoughts and talk to her about EVERYTHING. I let a relationship fail because I didnt communicate, and I miss her like no other. Talk it over and make sure its what you want to do, and not just some little thing that can be solved with talking.
     
  8. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    I think what you guys have can work. Just you arent happy and you arent communicating either. Your the one cheating her out of information that is rightfully hers as yours as you agreed to date her. You tell her what you think and feel and let her decide if she wants to help you charge foreward with her or without her. Maybe her helping you is her leaving you alone. Life is wierd just be honest and figure out what is best for both of you. Also do it in person because I personally think it's unfair to do deep talks on the phone as most cheap people do these days. Be honest to yourself and her and look at her as you say what you think. Maybe what you think isn't so real then?
     

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