SRS Am i doing something wrong?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by RandomSanity, Nov 2, 2005.

  1. RandomSanity

    RandomSanity Mobile Chyrnoble

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    Another one of those annoying advice threads, it's long, boring and bitter but I would appreciate any advice and/or comments. :rolleyes:

    First I think a little bit of background information on me is necessary to understand my problem. Back in high school I never really had much of a chance to date, I was in a committed relationship throughout high school until I was cheated on. (Yes I know high school relationships are a joke) After that I was single for about five months then I met this amazing girl (or so I thought) and we we're together for a year and a half, even lived together for three months... before I found out she had cheated on me that is.

    I'll never be an attractive guy, but at the same time I know I'm not completely repulsive, the only insecurity I have with my appearance is how scrawny i am, so that’s not really a problem for me. I am quite shy before I get to know someone, but I'm working on that as well. I know what my problem is, why I was cheated on both of those times, I am a nice guy and I let people take advantage of me as well as having absoloutly no confidence. I've been told this endless times by my friends.

    My point in this is I am rather inexperienced in dating; I never really dated either of my two girlfriends because I had known them for a long time before hand. That threw me off anything for quite a while as you can imagine but in the past few months I've decided to try again.

    Now my current problem... My first date with a girl always goes excellent, we have a good time, we talk a lot and I usually make her laugh quite a bit. At the end of the night we exchange numbers and she tells me she would like to get together again and either says she will call me or asks me to call her.
    Now this is where the problems start. The first three girls asked me out, the fourth I asked out myself (This is over a period of a few months, not all together) but it was the same situation for all of them, the girl never called me back and if I called her we would have another good conversation and in one case another date, which also went well, but after that I was never contacted again.

    My question is... are these girls just pretending to be interested in me or am I doing something wrong? I don't understand why someone would lie about this when it serves absolutely no purpose and they gain nothing out of it, it only causes them more annoyance, so why do it? This kind of crap is making me give up hope on people completely, I don't want to accept any dates anymore, I don't even want to talk to new people as friends anymore because they always seem to end up being the same. :wtc:
     
  2. Guld

    Guld 昇龍拳

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    There's no answer to this, that's just the way people are. I'm in the same boat. Fuck them.
     
  3. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Your personality might not be assertive enough for the girls you're chasing. In other words, you might be too nice about things. The girls might be interested in you as a friend but don't want to waste more of your time by pretending to see something in you - be thankful for this, as it's infinitely better than having a sham for a relationship.

    Try broadening your interests in both girls and other areas. When you focus on living life and having fun, people will be drawn to you instead of you needing to go find them. Also, everyone talks about being on the Friends ladder but no one mentions the benefits: if you know girls, they will undoubtedly know more girls. Use this to your advantage - if you like a girl, chances are she'll have a friend that has similar interests.
     
  4. RandomSanity

    RandomSanity Mobile Chyrnoble

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    I don't really have problems attracting girls, I actually get asked out quite often. I know I'm not very assertive, but if a girl is asking me out, and tells me she will call me that leaves no room for assertiveness.

    My problem is that the girls DO pretend to be interested.. and I never know if they're just pretending or they're actually interested.. and if they are then why don't they bother getting back to me or anything, is it just as Guld says and they're just being rude? So confusing :noes:

    As for being friends, I wouldn't even mind that at all, can always use another friend. But I don't even get that, I just get a lot of attention then completly snubbed.
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    It's not easier on you, but it is easier on them. It's easier on their conscience to tell you that they had fun and that you are a great guy, only to cut off contact rather then telling you that you did nothing for them and that they do not want to talk to you again.
    Besides, when you are just meeting people and start "dating" not too many people expect you to become so attached after one date that a blow off would affect you so much. Dating is about meeting someone, finding out if the two of you are compatible (not just you liking her but vice verda) and moving on. If you aren't compatible then you lose the person and never think twice.
    It could be that you are too accomidating and give off the vibe that you are way too ready to find the one girl. Go and try to have fun for yourself and no one else. Don't take dates seriously until it suddenly falls into your lap as serious.
     
  6. RandomSanity

    RandomSanity Mobile Chyrnoble

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    Thanks for the reply, I understand what you mean I just cannot understand why people do this. If a girl told me "I hate you, I never want to talk to you again." I would not be offended at all because I understand that not everyone is compatible, but when she says she had a good time and goes to the trouble of exchanging numbers.. If she's pretending to have a good time then I'm offended, why not just tell the truth and make it easier for everyone? I'm just out there to meet some new people but I'm already sick of this after only a few months, what is the point if nobody tells the truth?
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I think you need to understand that a relationship is a continues investment, if you remain silent no girl will ever respond, you are a player in the dating market, you are the one who must initiate something, and keep the fire alive.
     
  8. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    You didn't listen to what I just said. The girl isn't thinking about you when she gives the excuse. Yes, it may be easier for YOU if she tells the truth, but that is not her concern, or is at least not her primary concern. She doesn't feel right telling you that. She would feel like a bitch if she did that to you, so instead she plays it off in her mind as a way to compliment you but then walk away. That way she feels like she was kind, even if she was not. It makes HER feel better about the situation.
     

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