Am I being unfair?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ww_Crimson, Sep 14, 2007.

  1. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    I'm gonna do my best to keep this short and straightforward.

    As I mentioned in my other thread there is a girl (K) in my biology class that I've developed an interest in. She seems moderately intelligent, she's cute, and she has a good sense of humor. She's sort of quiet but I haven't really had too many opportunities to talk with her for a long period of time so that could be a misread. She just broke up with her boyfriend about a week ago and I haven't wanted to push things too fast so I'm waiting until Saturday when I meet up with her for a study group to see how things go.. I don't even know that she's remotely interested in me but I'm hoping so.

    There is another girl (V) in my Spanish class that I've gotten pretty close to the past few days. We've hung out three days in a row after class and I ended up kissing her today. She isn't the type of girl I really have an interest in having a relationship with because she seems a little too immature for me. I told her after the second day that we hung out that I wasn't really looking for a girlfriend right now and she seemed to be pretty ok with it, but I have a feeling she was saying that hoping I'd change my mind after I spent more time with her. I'll probably be with her again after class tomorrow and we have a date planned for Sunday evening.

    There isn't really a huge problem here but I guess what I'm asking is do you guys think I'm being unfair to the girl in my Spanish class? I want to keep spending time with her while I wait and see if things develop with the girl in my biology class but I don't want to lead her on and have her think that I want a relationship. She's fun, funny, and cute, but not really the type of girl I'd want to date. Anyways.. as long as I told her right off the bat I don't want a girlfriend I'm not being unfair am I?

    Sorry for the long post, I guess I just wanted to share my story and get some feedback.
     
  2. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    just meet the girl on saturday if she doesnt seem "interested" then go with the girl in the spanish if she does post on here and wel go from there
    -04JETTA
     
  3. hypntyz

    hypntyz OT Supporter

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    I can't speak to the fairness aspect of it, but my advice would be, never give up something of a "sure thing" for the possibility of something better elsewhere. IF shit is working well between you and spanish chica then why worry about the other one? It'll be difficult enough for you to handle yourself well around one new girl, much less 2.
     
  4. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    I don't think you're being unfair. You told the girl in your spanish class that you aren't looking for a girlfriend so if she ends up hurt by it, it's her own fault. All you have done is kiss and she knows you don't want a relationship so I don't think she can really expect to have you all to herself.

    If she asks if you're seeing anyone else or are interested in anyone else, don't lie. But other than that I think you're fine.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yeah, the girl from Spanish class most likely says she has no problem with the fact that you don't want a relationship, but inside she's already thinking about how she'll change your mind eventually and be your girlfriend. Either way, you are doing nothing wrong, because you told her up front how you felt about things and that was the right thing to do. Now in her case you just have to stick to that idea. With the girl from Bio just stick to the same plan I told you in your other thread about her. See how Saturday goes and if things feel good just ask her out on a date, who cares that she just broke up with her boyfriend. Worry about that later if she actualy accepts your date.
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2007
  6. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    Cool, this thread really makes me feel a bit better. Spent time con mi chica de espanol hoy and it ended up with us having a semi serious conversation about dating. I told her that we've only hung out 4 times and that's nothing to base a relationship off of. I told her I'd rather get to know her better and if things develop more then we'd take it from there but that I have no expectations and she shouldn't either. Seemed to work ok.
     
  7. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    So.. posting an update as to how the weekend went. This might end up being sorta long... scroll to the bottom for a summary.


    So first things first, I texted "K" (the girl from my bio class) in the morning on Saturday when I was heading to her house to study to see if she wanted anything from Starbucks. I used this as a way to give her my number since she gave me hers in case I got lost on the way to her house but there was no real reason for me to give her my number without looking like I was trying to. Anyways, she declined anything from Starbucks and I got her to house for our study group thing and everything went pretty well. Her and the other girl who was there kind of got into a discussion about dogs towards the end which I felt pretty left out of since I don't know shit about dogs and their types and what not.

    Anyways, the study thing lasted for about an hour and a half and then I headed to work. The girl from my spanish class, "V" was coming to my work to watch a movie (I'm a manager at a movie theater) so when I got off work I went into the movie with her and we cuddled, kissed, etc. It was a pretty good time up until 3/4 through.

    .... Her mom was watching a different movie and then came into our theater to wait for the movie we were watching to get out. When her mom came in she moved a seat over and said her mom is really strict with her about boys and she will get in trouble, blah blah blah. I was pretty irritated and I let her know, she just kept saying sorry and she'd make it up to me.


    So tonight me and "V" had a date planned (had planned it on like Thursday) for dinner a movie. Right before I was getting ready to leave to pick her up, "K" texted me about how she still hadn't studied for the test any more and she was nervous, etc. etc. We talked for a couple of minutes while I was getting ready to go and we both said how we were just gonna study later tonight... So I left for my date and it went as folllows.

    I picked her up and apparently she told her mom that she was going to a birthday party with a bunch of friends.. I went along with the bullshit but told her it was really irritating that she has to lie to her mom any time she wants to see me. I didn't want to ruin the evening right off the bat though so I sort of let things go. So we get to the theater and park and decide to walk to the restaurant for dinner. I didn't know where it was so I told her to lead the way. She got us lost sort of and I teased her a bit about it, but we found our way after a few minutes -- no big deal. Dinner was probably the most awkward I'd ever felt with another girl on a date before. The conversation was completely surface level and I felt like I was talking to a 13 year old. Any time I'd say something slightly witty or tease her a bit (you know, friendly, fun, witty banter) she'd basically come back with a "oh shuttup" or giggle a bit. It got on my nerves really quick and I was feeling pretty turned off by her, at least mentally.

    We watched the movie and enjoyed ourselves in the theater, messing around a little bit but nothing serious. When we got back to the car it was a pretty intense make out session and I ended up fingering her which I'm really regretting at this point. I wasn't planning on getting anything back and I think it really might have given her the wrong idea. She kept saying she "wanted me" but I didn't really let things go any further because I don't want to lead her on any more than I have.

    I took her home and at this point I've decided I have no intentions of ever wanting a relationship with her.. but I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to break this off. I see her every day in Spanish class so what do you guys think I should do? I was on the phone with a friend after the date and she called me but I didn't answer.. "K" from my bio class texted me again but I was on the phone so I didn't get to read it until after the phone call.. She just said "oh fuck it I never got around to studying"... I texted her back but it was almost an hour later and it's pretty late now so she never responded.


    Summary: The girl from my bio class is showing a _little_ interest, and I didn't enjoy the date with the girl from my spanish class very much but I think I may have led her on a bit. Should I slowly stop showing interest in the girl from my spanish class or should I just flat out tell her I'm not interested in anything more than friends. The girl from my bio class just got out of a relationship last weekend (not sure how long she dated the guy for) so do I keep things slow and how they are for a week or two before I try and ask her out on a date?
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    So V sounds extremely immature and under her parents rule, which is pathetic. I would never ever want to put up with someone who has to lie about where she's going to her parents just to see me, especially when your conversations make you feel as if you are talking to a child :ugh: It fortunately looks like this weekend made you realize that she is not girlfriend material. You can either stop answering her calls/texts so much, or straight up tell her (if she brings it up) that you just don't want a relationship with her after all. If she actually questions why just admit you don't feel anything other than friendship and you would never want to deal with that BS of her lying to her parents to see her.
     
  9. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    V's parental issues is a great thing to bring up with her. I say you meet her for coffee or something, and tell her that you aren't looking for a girlfriend and you're sorry if you've led her to believe otherwise. Admit that taking things further physically was a mistake since it may have led her to think that you two would start dating and apologize so you don't come off looking like a huge dick. Then tell her flat out that you don't really want a girlfriend and even if you did, you couldn't handle being in the type of relationship where the other person would have to lie to their parents. Tell her that in the future when you do want a girlfriend, you're going to be looking for an open, honest and mature relationship. That shows that you take responsibility for possibly leading her on, and it shows that you're a mature and honest guy.

    She'll probably be hurt and disappointed, but there's no way around that. The best you can do is try to make yourself look like a nice guy (because you seem to be legitimately concerned about not screwing people over) so that your spanish class isn't awkward.
     
  10. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    I appreciate the quick feedback guys.. I legitimately have a lot to do this week so I won't be spending as much time with her. I think I'm gonna give it to the end of the week and let her know how I feel.
     
  11. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I'm assuming you are all under 18 or something?

    Cause once you hit 18, and are not damaging their property or stealing or committing other crimes, there should be no need for a girl to have to tell her parents where she is going.

    After I turned 18, my parents became more of "landlord" figures than authority figures.

    Of course, if she is under 18, then I can kinda understand it.

    But yeah, anytime someone has to lie to their parents to go out....they aren't with dating.
     
  12. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    She's 18 , I'm 19... My take on that situation is that age doesn't mean shit if you're living in someone else's house. Their house, their rules.. whether you're 13 or 23.. Anyways, that's just one of the many reasons I've found I'm losing interest in her. I was feeling really sick this morning but I still went to class and after school she was asking me to go to the mall with her but I told her I just wanted to go home and sleep cause I didn't feel good. She sorta tried to guilt trip me into not going she was like "we both have the day off from work we should do something" and I sort of attacked her for trying to guilt trip me for wanting to go home and rest. Still gonna give it a few more days and then just come clean with her about how I feel. I figure if I slowly show her some signs she won't be as upset
     
  13. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Right...just because she lives in their house gives them to right to demand to know where she is going at all times, and to control who she goes out with and where she goes.

    Here's the more realistic stance: As long as she isn't damaging their property, stealing, doing illegal activities, or like causing a ruckus when they are trying to work or sleep or have quality time together...there is no reason for her parents to decide where she can or can't go.

    Yes, it is reasonable to assume/expect an adult living in your house to follow a few rules...such as helping maintain the property, respecting property, consideration for other's schedules...but that's about it. If she's 18, and wants to go out on a date with a guy (not to deal drugs, not to commit crimes, but to simply hang out), then there is no reasonable justification for needing her parents consent.

    However, the fact that she herself didn't know this speaks again to her lack of maturity.

    If I were still living with my parents, and they told me I couldn't go hang out with someone during the middle of the day...I would just gibe them a "what the hell?" look and leave.

    Sorry for the rant, but that is just idiotic.

    *there are some exceptions, but I am talking about your average, well-adjusted, employed, young adult.*
     

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