SRS am i being too demanding?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by zooenthusiast, Dec 18, 2006.

  1. zooenthusiast

    zooenthusiast New Member

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    alright so, it seems that no matter what guy i'm seeing or dating always seems to let me down in some way or another, and it also results in me becoming unhappy in the relationship. the common factor in all these relationships have been me, so i guess i basically need confirmation that i'm too demanding and expect too much or that i'm actually justified. so here are some examples of what i mean:

    1. Not calling me when i ask them to. e.i. - "hey call me when you get out of class"..."ok i will"....and then they're out of class for a couple hours so i call and basically they forgot (this happens multiple times and in different but similar situations)

    2. Not ever intiating any sexual activity, even after telling them multiple times that it's ok to and that in fact i would like it if they did.

    3. Always sleeping instead of getting up and spending time with me or taking me on dates.

    ....well the list goes on and it's mostly other things in the same categories. basically i feel like a low priority, and it's not that i want someone who is clingy and i'm their world. i just want attention, but i want them to have independence as well.

    is this too much ask? in all honesty, not being sarcastic or anything, is it too much to ask?
     
  2. unorthadox

    unorthadox New Member

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    another excuse
    I dont think it's too much to ask.
     
  3. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    Don't forget we're only hearing half the story.
     
  4. unorthadox

    unorthadox New Member

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    another excuse
    What do you mean by that?
     
  5. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    we can't get an objective view of the situation. We aren't observing it, and are only hearing her side of the story.

    It's like if two of your friends get into a big fight...you go get both sides of the story before you do anything.
     
  6. unorthadox

    unorthadox New Member

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    another excuse
    ,..... can someone kick me in the butt next time I say something moronic like that lol.
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    you're fine. It happens. It's not even butt-kickworthy
     
  8. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    This doesn't necessarily mean that you guys should take a "break" from the relationship...just wait a few days before hanging out again. Give you both a chance to have some "me" time.
     
  9. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    He's not exhausted, he's avoiding her.
     
  10. zooenthusiast

    zooenthusiast New Member

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    well we live in dorms, so seeing eachother is really is, and i know what you mean by smothering, and i've really been trying to avoid that, cause i feel i do have the propensity to do that. and i don't want to make him feel bad but i guess i just don't know if what i'm asking is fair. which is basically to call me sometimes, intiate sex, and take me out every once in a while too.
     
  11. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    if that's really all you're doing then you're right, they're wrong.

    *but* I challenge you to go find a guy from a relationship like what you've been describing... ask him if he'll go out for a beer (say you'll buy, he's sure to show up) and hit him with some tough questions ABOUT YOU, not him. Tell him something is bothering you and you really *need* him to be honest.

    "do I smother people?"
    "am I too demanding?"
    "what can I do differently?"
    etc, etc, etc
    and after a while hit him with "really, I want to know, why did our relationship end?"

    Make sure you only ask questions... DO NOT REBUT ANYTHING HE SAYS. Just take it and move on. Do not attempt to end-run around this by making a question out of a statement...he'll know and he'll take his free beer and stop talking.

    Don't bother asking "did I expect too much?" because you won't get the truth. That's a loaded question. If he says yes then he seems like he's immature or somehow the relationship failed because of him. If he says no then, well, why did the relationship end and why are you having this talk now if you didn't expect too much?

    If you do this you're going to find out things about yourself.
     
  12. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I know, I was just clarifying so the OP wouldn't get confused
     
  13. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Sounds like you're dating the wrong guys. The calling thing is a bit much, though, and most guys should NOT want to talk on the phone all day (that's a girly thing, talk to your GF's instead.) Being too tired? Why?
     
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    welll i wrote a great fucking post but it got fucked up. sry
     
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2006
  15. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    It depends on the person you are dating. I have this friend and this guy is a freak about calling. Hell he annoys me at times but I accepted his positives and his negatives years ago. Anyways when he would get into a relationship he would be calling the girl constantly and always wanting to do something. To the point we thought he was freaking flat out crazy and many girls wanted nothing to do with him. However, I will be damned if not last weekend I was in his wedding and watched him get married to a girl who loved how much he called and loved everything that I find annoying.

    What I am trying to say is those are traits that you want and it sounds like the type of guys you are dating are not on the same page as you nor have the same wants.

    Maybe take a look at the type of guy who are dating and where you are meeting them and find the common theme. Then change it up if you are meeting guys in bars well then head out to coffee shops or some place else. Besides that look at the emotional maturity of the guys you are dating or even want do they want. If you tend to date younger guys then go for older.

    I use to wonder why my first dates went great but a month later this girl was a complete and utter flake. I found out the type of girl I was pursuing were the type who are "emotionally dead". They wanted no intimacy or no attraction and really did not want to date but did because they thought it was the right thing. Once I stopped pursuing girls like that well my dating life has opened up to a whole new wonderful world. Yeah I still meet the occasional dead girl but I am smarter now and notice the traits quicker and do not stick around.
     

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