am i being insensitive?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by THoC, Nov 12, 2009.

  1. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    while on break w. my SO i was "seeing" this girl. ended it when i worked things out w. my SO. during this time she became a friend of one of my best friends. by "friend" i mean he would bang her if given the chance but she's not giving it up.

    my SO knows this girl and i had a thing. she's made it clear to me that she is uncomfortable when she's around. she's also admitted that its all in her head bc i did nothing wrong and the girl is actually a nice person.

    accident #1: my gf is doing a photoshoot. i go to a local bar to see my vikes play the pack w. about 10 friends (one of them is my SO's sister).
    SO calls just to chat, asks who all is there, i list the people currently at the table and said girl is not there at the time so i left her out.
    few days later SO talks to sis and sis mentions how she met said girl.
    SO calls me and goes off about lying (she called it leaving the truth out not lying lol). i explain to SO why i didnt mention her.

    at this point she brings up again how she hates that i "hang out" w. said girl so much. i explain to her that it wont stop bc my best friend invites her out to places. 1) im not gonna stop hanging out w. my bf 2) im not going to ask him to stop inviting her out.

    * i NEVER invite her places myself.


    accident #2: my bday weekend. girl comes out. SO has no issues all is going well. girl gets wasted. comes at me and attempts to make out w. me. i turn my face and "push" her away. SO friends see this..... NOT GOOD! :noes:
    SO goes off on girl (not me as friends told her i pushed her away).

    couple of things:

    1. girl was wasted. REEEEEALLY wasted.
    2. so was i yet i was able to turn away.
    3. girl apologized to me and my SO the next day.



    so here we are...... what should i do?

    * ask bf to stop inviting girl out when he knows i will be around?
    * stop hanging out w. bf when girl is around?
    * tell my SO to suck it up bc girl has apologized and i obviously know how to reject her... even when extremely drunk.
    * other
     
  2. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I think it's generally considered appropriate to stop interacting with the "break" fling as much as humanly possible when you get back with your SO.
     
  3. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    i agree.

    would you consider me not inviting her out, texting her, etc.... as enough?

    only time i ever see her is when we go to places and my best friend invites her.

    do you suggest that i should now take it a step further and not hang out w. my friend when she is also invited?

    i guess the reason i dont want to do that is bc a lot times its friends parties, get to gethers, bdays, etc.... where im invited and i would feel like an ass saying "i cant bc joe invited jane. but have a good time!".
     
  4. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I would say at large group gatherings like parties and whatnot, it's understandable for both of you to be there, but if you're just hanging out with a small group of friends, let it be known that you don't want to be around her. Just my 2 cents.
     
  5. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    Maybe ask your friend to not invite her to places you go too. I dunno, I'dexpect your gf to be more understanding too, I mean it really does not seem to be your fault.
     
  6. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    my gf admitts it is not my fault. has no anger towards me. even gets upset w. herself that it bothers her when the girl comes out.
    she has made zero demands. just lets it be known that she does not like it when she's around me.
    the last incident has made it a lot worse. for obvious reasons.


    as far telling friend to not invite her. do you think that is really my place to demand? i dont know..... i feel like it would be dick for me to say "you cannot invite her out to the bar!".
    it easy of course if its a gathering at my place. but in a public place? i dunno :hs:
     
  7. daunther

    daunther I am freaking awesome.

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    you are a jerk.
     
  8. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    :bowrofl: I love it.

    Seriously though I cut off all contact with people I've hooked up with when I'm in a relationship. I don't go places I know they're gonna be unless there are like a ton of people are there and I don't have to interact with that person at all.
     
  9. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    :hsd:
     
  10. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    i do that too. in all cases.... except for this one. the girl i was seeing had no close ties w. any of my friends.

    this scenario makes it harder bc in order to do that i either have to stop hanging out w. my friend or demand he stop asking her to hang out.
     
  11. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    You don't have to do either. Just let your friend know you aren't comfortable being around her because of how it makes your SO feel. You can still see him and she can still see him. Just not together. :dunno:
     
  12. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    So GF is uncomfortable. Are you uncomfortable?

    GF has not made demands, but what does she want you to do? What do you want to do?

    How long does your friend stay with 1 woman? Can this blow over if you step out for a bit?
     
  13. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    If you date people in the same social circle things like this will happen. If you don't make an effort to talk to the girt then your gf shouldn't be pissed. As it is your gf already knows she's being dumb about the whole situation.

    I think you need to sit her down and CLEARLY explain that she isn't going to totally dissapear, she is friends with some of your friends and you can't force anyone to stop inviting people, all you can do is not go, which sucks cuz it leaves you out. It's not like you were even seeing the girl that long. And I feel that your gf is acting childish freaking out on her like that, she just should have told her enough is enough, and you are with your SO now and that won't change.

    The girl even apologized for acting like an idiot the next day, it seems like she is pretty clear that you are with your SO and not her.
     
  14. oakback

    oakback New Member

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    No, it's not your friend's problem (unless it was just you and him hanging out, in which case I would consider it acceptable to request he not bring anybody).

    Do not make this your friend's problem, he has nothing to do with it. I would, however, let him know that it makes you uncomfortable, so if you decline to attend an event, he'll know why. But stress to him that he doesn't need to take action, it's not his responsibility to try to make things work for all his friends.
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I'm not saying to talk to your friend and go, "look bro, you can't invite *ex* out, *current gf* is freaking out about her being around, especially after *the incident*" but can't you at least say, "hey man, *current gf* is constantly on me lately about *ex* being around when we all hang out. Is there any way you can warn me if you are going to invite her out, or just make sure she's not around when I am for a while? Just until *current gf* cools down."
     
  16. PlutoBHG

    PlutoBHG New Member

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    youre screwed in this situation
     
  17. infinite.purple

    infinite.purple New Member

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    ya i've been there. this is one of those things where you are just going to be constantly dealing with it for as long as both of these girls are in your life (even if you only see the fling occasionally and accidentally). unfortunately, while you didn't do anything "wrong", your gf still has every right to be uncomfortable, and you will probably have to go out of your way to ease her discomfort. best of luck with that!
     
  18. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    no coming back from accident #2. At this point you have to take small steps to actively minimize the amount of contact you have with her and when you do see her, make sure to keep some physical distance.
     
  19. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    after the 2nd incident, i think you gotta avoid seeing that girl. tell your friends to let you know if she has been invited or is going to be there so that you can not show up. if you do have to be in the same space with her, its probably best to treat her like a stranger and avoid her completely

    had the 2nd incident not happened right in front of your GF's face, i would say she needs to trust the situations and be cool, but after watching how that girl disrespected her while she was standing there, i would be pretty iffy about you two hanging out minus the SO as well
     
  20. Toxica

    Toxica New Member

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    I agree with this.


    Plus you got to look at it from her point of view. Would you like to always see a guy that your gf was seeing when you two went on a break? On top of that, would you like to see him after he tried to kiss your girl? It wouldn't hurt to talk to your friend about it.
     
  21. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    all great points.

    toxica, you are right i would not like it if situation was reversed.

    beer.... good points. i guess i just dont want to be left out of drunken good times when i know and the SO knows that "ex" has no hold on me. but what you said is probably the best course of action.

    ill speak to my friend tomorrow about this ish.
     
  22. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Yeah, dude, that's called LYING. :hsugh:

    And it's a big part of the current problem you are having. If instead of trying to hide the fact that she was there and you were frank about your actual feelings for the other girl, most of this problem would just go away.

    Your current situation is a product of your own inability to communicate with your girlfriend.
     
  23. giz

    giz Active Member

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    this
     
  24. giz

    giz Active Member

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    how is that lying? :rofl: she asked who was there and he listed the people there
     
  25. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    He listed the people at the table.

    I'm assuming this means that said girl was THERE, and just wasn't at the table.

    Maybe I'm wrong. :dunno:
     

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