Am I being insecure?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Mang, Nov 18, 2009.

  1. Mang

    Mang HUHH?

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    The story: my girlfriend(LDR) was telling me that there was a coworker that was talking to her today, and it sounded like he is interested in her. They've talked a few times at work before, but today he seemed overly persistent in engaging with her. He asked if she had a BF, asked if she would like to do activities together(just them two) such as hiking, teaching her how to swim, biking etc.

    He also made some comments about how skinny she is, and made some strange comment that she should gain some weight because he likes thicker girls.. He also waited for her after work to walk her to her car. They also exchanged phone numbers.

    He seems pretty interested in her to me, and I got a bit upset that she didn't think so. She always says how shes so intuitive, but when it comes to other guys coming on to her, she never thinks they are. She says it's because she thinks younger guys (2 yrs younger) never are into older girls. And that since she told him she has a BF, he wouldn't go for her.

    To me, it sounds like shes in denial for some reason. She says he probably asked her those things, because she told him that she doesn't have any friends/family in the area and that he felt sorry for her or something. I felt uncomfortable that they exchanged numbers, but she insists that even if he were to call, she doesn't have to answer the phone. Even her other coworker was telling her how he seemed to be interested in her.

    I asked what his name was, but she wouldn't even tell me. She says I'm upset and it's because I'm just jealous/insecure. What's everyone's opinion??
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2009
  2. PlutoBHG

    PlutoBHG New Member

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    haha, you arent wrong in just assuming that he is interested in her. especially considering the circumstances

    the insecure label, however, will come depending on how you deal with it
     
  3. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Sounds fishy to me... you have reason to be concerned IMHO. One of two things is true here: either she doesn't recognize what is clearly a guy trying to get involved with her, or she does and is using it to play games. I'm going to bet it's the latter.

    If she's readily exchanging numbers with him and won't tell you the guy's name, but will tell you all sorts of other details about her encounters with him, followed by taunting you about being "jealous" over it, that clearly means she WANTS you to be jealous/insecure and bow to her will for something.

    Your best bet here is to press the issue; tell her she needs to be clear to this guy that he needs to back off and do what you can to get her to tell you his name at the very least. It isn't like it's some big secret she has to keep, especially if she's not doing anything to be ashamed of. If she won't do that, she's probably not worth wasting any more time on and should be kicked to the curb.
     
  4. Mang

    Mang HUHH?

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    I pretty much just don't feel like talking any more and just think things out. I get a bit silent.
     
  5. poormanq45

    poormanq45 OT Supporter

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    Women belong in the bedroom, only to be let out to make you food. How did your woman get all the way to said "work place"?
     
  6. Mang

    Mang HUHH?

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    Something similar to this happened before. I pretty much told her that she should give a clear signal or gently reject the guy as to not lead him on. She said it didn't matter what he did or how he feels, since she didn't feel the same way.

    You sound pretty wise when it comes to these matters. Thanks for the advice!
     
  7. Mang

    Mang HUHH?

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    Long distance relationship man..
     
  8. poormanq45

    poormanq45 OT Supporter

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    Long distance? Seriously? How far are we talking, and how long do you go without seeing each other?
     
  9. jp. bedazzler

    jp. bedazzler New Member

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    wow dude this is some bullshit. same shit happened to my GF at one point. but she didnt even tell me about it till i interrogated her basically.

    anyways she is playing dumb, she likes his attention probably. how can some guy who comes right out and says those things not be hitting on you? he obviously wants to put it on your girl, and if she was giving him the 'get the fuck out of here i have a boyfriend' vibe, he wouldnt be so persistent.

    i would just prepare to break up with this bitch cause she is toying with you or she is totally stupid.

    but you could just tell her to stop talking to other guys like this. but the truth is, she will just stop telling you when this sort of stuff happens.

    have you ever kinda flirted with a girl who didnt like you at all? they can show their disaproval without even saying a word... she obviously didnt, just like my girl... so fuck them imo.

    this guy sounds like a douchebag and if thats what she wants, then there is nothing you can do really. many girls are stupid asses
     
  10. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    the fact that she's telling you about it means she doesn't feel like she needs to hide it, which is a GOOD thing. you reacted insecurely so she will think twice about mentioning "another guy" next time. is that what you want?

    she's right, and you should knock it off. but since I disagree with the concept of an LDR in the first place feel free to take my advice with a grain of salt.
     
  11. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Personally shit like this drives me up the wall. I hate when people act like it doesn't matter if the other person is interested. Of course it fucking matters. Ugh. So glad I don't have to deal with that garbage in my life today.

    My advice- continue being honest with your girl about your feelings. Don't try and control the situation, but don't feel guilty for not wanting her to hang around with a guy who is obviously interested in her.

    Sounds to me like the line has been drawn though. She's gonna do what she wants to do and you're gonna suffer because you don't like it. Good luck.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Damn, she's an idiot

    Part of me wants to believe she's that dumb, and the other half thinks she is just loving this extra attention and will call you insecure to make you feel bad. Either way...I don't like it. The guy clearly comes on to her and she most likely flirts right back.

    Just out of curiosity, how old are you two and how long have you been dating?
     
  13. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Fucking :werd:. Best case scenario she's not doing it on purpose and is actually just ridiculously naive when it comes to men, but even then that doesn't improve the situation. I've dealt with this shit in past relationships and there's really no good way to handle it. If he presses the issue, he comes off as insecure and controlling, but if he does nothing then he's essentially telling her that her actions are okay when they aren't.
     
  14. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    .
     
  15. k624ash

    k624ash New Member

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    She is probably either trying to make you jealous, or testing you to see how you react.
    I had a girlfriend who would tell me things like this, and I would say, "that guy was clearly hitting on you" and she would act like she didnt know it and say the guy wasnt interested. She told me later she was just doing it for attention. She wanted to make me jealous.
     
  16. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    being insecure? not at all. ask yourself this.... would you act like that guy w. any chick you were NOT interested in? probably not.

    your gf knows this. she's playing dumb. likes the attention. i would not be too pleased about the # exchange.
     
  17. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    i had to re-read that to make sure it was past tense. :h5:
     
  18. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

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    It was not wrong for your gf to engage in conversation at the work place with this guy. It is wrong that they exchanged phone numbers and I would most definitely call her on that. Ask her how she would feel if you were giving your number out to girls who were obviously interested in you. And yes, obviously this guy is interested in your girl. Hiking, swimming, :ugh:

    It's weird that she won't tell you his name, I would have definitely asked her why the F not..

    Bottom line: Don't freak out that someone is interested in your girl. Guys will always be interested in your gfs, it is only a problem when she shows interest back! It is too hard for me to tell if she's actually interested in him but to me he sounds like a creeper and I wouldn't worry too much.
     
  19. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Why wouldn't he? Who needs to hear about every time their SO gets hit on by someone? She was probably only telling him this to make him jealous, not because she thinks this is innocent (unless she's just that dumb).
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd:

    Seriously though, her exchanging numbers IMO would be nail in the coffin....
     
  21. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    I exchanged numbers when I was in relationship:squint: And I would not get mad if the bf did it either(which he actually did one time). It's really not that big of a deal to me depending on the context.
     
  22. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    slippery slope here. you don't want to be the jealous/insecure guy, but you also have to draw a line. in the end, however, she'll do what she wants to do and you have to trust that she respects you enough to not return this guy's advances. it sounds to me like she just likes the attention, so hopefully that's where it ends
     
  23. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You exchanged numbers with a guy who blatantly hit on you while in a relationship?
     
  24. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    She may just be insecure herself in that she can't believe a guy is actually into her, at least until his erect cock stares her right in the face. Does she not get hit on all the time?
     
  25. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    he didn't "hit on me". We met in university, had a lot in common and could actually be useful for each other, so we exchanged numbers and hung out once in a while after that. I told my ex afterward, asked if he was ok with it and he was :dunno:
     

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