SRS Am I asking too much?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by cascade85, Mar 28, 2008.

  1. cascade85

    cascade85 New Member

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    I have led a pretty happy normal life. Can't complain too much, except for when it comes to relationships. I always seem to wind up with the cheaters, the psychos, and let's not forget the married men. I know what everyone is going to say "your not looking in the right places." Seriously, i'm never looking. Even with work, I have always had something lined up, just like guys. I always take things slow with them and try and build a friendship first. If they stick around and I see that they are cool to hang around then I date them. It's the psychos that always get you though, they don't show their true colors till way later is what I have noticed. I'm attractive, intelligent, have my shit together, and I know where i'm headed in life. This is what I need in a man.

    A. I have to be attracted to them.
    B. They have to have their own mode of transportation.
    C. They have to have their finances in order. (good job)
    D. If not, i'll take someone in school who is trying to get a good job.
    E. Mid 20s-Early 30s
    F. Has to like and want kids
    G. Not an ass-hole
    H. Takes me for what I am worth and treats me with respect.

    Guy that fits this criteria where are you???
     
  2. nezfotnemom

    nezfotnemom OT Supporter

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    Where are you located? :wavey:
     
  3. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    :rofl: nowhere! you just need to settle!

    honestly, "A" is the most important. the guy can have all those other qualities, but if they don't have "A" it won't matter. then again, they may only have "A" going for them and you still may give them a chance (which is where those cheaters, psychos, marriend men come into play).

    if those are the only type of guys you end up with, then it may be you. either those other qualities are not that important to you or you think you can change the guy to have those qualities. if they were that important you'd cut them loose once they don't fit the criteria.

    if you do, then :h5: and, um, keep looking, they are out there, i think.
     
  4. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    do you have a child?
     
  5. Ark

    Ark New Member

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    Looking for the same thing in a female but alas no luck so far but I keep trying.
     
  6. Mangina

    Mangina New Member

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    Too many whores and psycho's out there. :mamoru:
     
  7. Finch

    Finch OT Supporter

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    I know how you feel. I'm the guy about whom everyone asks "how can he have such bad luck with women/be consistently unsuccessful? Oh, I know, he must be gay." It's tough feeling like you have everything together but seeing everyone around you have much more success in relationships :hs:
     
  8. cascade85

    cascade85 New Member

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    Clarifying a few things:

    Im not looking for a doctor or lawyer just someone who makes enough to support themselves and have decent credit. Im not trying to change a shitty guy into a good guy. If he is shitty he can stay that way and I don't need to be with him, I do cut them loose if they don't fit the criteria. I have thought of maybe it is me. If so WTF, do I have a neon sign that says "Bums im available"??? I am 23, and yes, I do have a child. Any guy who is not ok with me having a child does not deserve my time, and I am well worth with. Also, I am in Houston.
     
  9. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    Women always say this. What you want and what you "think" you want is a whole other story. If nobody wants an asshole then why are there so many assholes out there? The men have become something women want and attract to. Who want to be an asshole for the sake of being an asshole?
     
  10. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    I think most guys are just thrown off by single mothers. Not many guys that you describe will be willing to get involved with a woman knowing it is an "instant family".

    But there are guys out there that are cool with it so you always have hope.

    I've always believed that attraction is not a choice, and guys that are assholes or bums just are good at displaying the traits that women are most attracted to. Nice guys or guys that fit your criteria are usually less experienced at talking to women and have less confidence in attracting women, which is why women usually find themselves falling for the "bad boy" losers. Not to mention nice guys are usually boring to women which is not what a woman wants.
     
  11. Ark

    Ark New Member

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    The problem isn't with you its just the fact that you attract and or are attracted to the wrong types of guys. What can you do about it? Not much you just have to keep trying and weed through the guys you don't want. Eventually you'll run into one you want but don't expect it to happen tomorrow. I've been in the same boat for a while and I get down about it sometimes myself but in the end I stand up dust myself off and just live my life and try again.

    I'll admit it. Right now I'm lonely as hell but I've also got a ton of things that are currently more important like buying a house and moving out. So thats my top priority right now. All I'm trying to say is that focus on the important things in your life and the right relationship will come along so long as you are open to it.
     
  12. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I mean this with no disrespect.

    I've learned from my experiences that 100% of the time when a woman tells you what she wants, she means the exact opposite.
     
  13. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Oh I forgot... another theory I have is what I call the "Soap Opera" theory. A lot of women love watching soap operas and most men hate it. (At least that is what I remember about them growing up)

    I always tried to figure out why women love soap operas so much that I came up with a theory that women just are attracted to drama because it arouses thier emotions and makes them feel alive. I think that women subconsciously want drama in thier lives like the drama that is seen in soap operas so they become attracted to unstable losers that will undoubtedly bring a level of drama into thier lives.

    You can flame me for this but it is just a theory and isn't fact.
     
  14. cascade85

    cascade85 New Member

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    No, I have that same theory. But its not just women, some people have lived with drama their entire lives and can't seem to live without it. If everything is going right in their lives and seems unsettling so they create drama for themselves. Its called self sabotage.
     
  15. cascade85

    cascade85 New Member

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    Trust me when I say I don't want the exact opposite of what I have listed above.
     
  16. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    Hello there. ;)
     
  17. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    that may very well be it. as you can see, the type of guy you're looking for is "rare" and a highly valued commodity. just like the beautiful woman that has her pick of men, this type of guy has the same priviledge. therefore, why go for you when he can go for another woman who has the same to offer in the way of looks, personality, and stability, but without a child?

    no need to fret though, if you are everything you say you are, a guy will come along that has the qualities you seek and will have no issue with you having a child.
     
  18. Japan Four

    Japan Four Guest

    do you meet your own criteria?
     
  19. althepirate

    althepirate Talk nerdy to me.

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    I have to agree. Just from personal experience with men and from threads posted on this forum, a lot of men don't want to date a woman with a child already. You're also somewhat young, so the age range of men you're looking at is going to be looking for someone a bit older sans child.

    I also agree that if you match up with your own criteria, it'll happen eventually :) Have faith.
     
  20. cascade85

    cascade85 New Member

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    of course
     
  21. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    '

    Seems like normal standards, don't want to know what you accepted before that. Just curious you go to school right? I would assume so since you are looking for someone in school or good job.
     
  22. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    I'd have to say *most* young, successful guys don't want to be going out with a chick that has a child.
     
  23. OhFourTwoThree

    OhFourTwoThree New Member

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    It may be one or several of these reasons.

    1. There may be something about your personality that is attracting these types of guys. Some of these guys strategically pick their victims.

    2. I'm assuming that you want a long term, serious relationship that have the potential for marriage. Having a child is going to be a con for you. Because of that, I think you are a lot more likely to find what you're looking for if you date older men who are at least in their late twenties. They will fit your criteria more and you'll be more compatible with them. You sound pretty mature w/a good head on your shoulders for your age..most men your age are still BSing around or they aren't ready to fullly commit/settle down. Older men are also more willing and able to accept a child that is not biologically his.

    3. Have you tried internet dating? You said that you're never looking. That may be the problem..it's time to start looking and the net is not a bad place. I know many people who met their mate through the net.

    4. Your preferences are reasonable but don't limit your options and keep an open mnd too. I never thought I'd date my bf due to a few things about him but in the end, I am so glad that I gave it a chance. You never know where you may find love.
     
  24. Striker22

    Striker22 New Member

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    :ugh::rofl:
     
  25. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    i rarely give advice to females but i've seen this happen a lot

    you may be getting your prospective boyfriends together with your child too soon

    yes, we understand you are a package deal, but many guys are weirded out by having your child forced on them

    wouldn't it be better to get to know him 1-on-1 then if it looks a relationship is evolving, introduce the child into the equation?

    the desperate weirdos will have no problem "playing daddy" from the get-go (and may even relish it), but the best candidates are going to be uncomfortable at best in that situation
     

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