SRS am I asking too much?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by trev.the.enemy, Oct 11, 2007.

  1. trev.the.enemy

    trev.the.enemy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    10,939
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Midwest
    basically, the gf will say "oh I should be online/able to talk to you/see you/whatever tonight/tomorrow night/friday/whatever" and then.. on whatever night she said she'd be able to hangout/talk or whatever, she'll be AWOL for 9 hours then randomly sign onto MSN and be like "oh sorry, had to go shopping for some things I needed"(this happened today.. 9 hours of shopping for things she needed). I don't understand what's so hard about saying 'oh, change of plans.. sorry. i'm gonna go shopping instead.' or hangout with friends, or whatever. even though that'd still kind of upset me(she always puts everything else first, me second.. whereas i put her first, everything else second).. but, it'd be better than the current nothing i'm getting.

    but.. am i asking too much?

    and am i putting up with too much?

    :hs:
     
  2. trev.the.enemy

    trev.the.enemy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    10,939
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Midwest
    i'm usually not one to ask for advice much, but i don't know what to do. when her and I actually talk and she actually acts sincere with me, I feel greater than I've ever felt in my life.

    but those moments don't happen too often now. :/
     
  3. trev.the.enemy

    trev.the.enemy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    10,939
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Midwest
    another thing.. i usually rarely ever drink, like.. once every 2-3 months.

    i've been drinking every night for the past 2 weeks. :\
     
  4. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2005
    Messages:
    1,226
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    socal
    You have to admit many relationships start off with the sincerity you speak of, and seem to die out later on. I think it's human nature that this happens although of course I would hope for laughs and smiles all the time. Even friendships can end up that way, at least in my experience.

    Anyways, yes, I have been your situation, but I'm not sure the circumstances were the same. I think she always had more to do, more friends to see, more places to go, while I was either studying all the time or waiting to talk to her. There are many factors which affect how your situation plays out the way it does. But, in my opinion talking to her about it if you haven't already is the best way to go. Girls are capable of overlooking these simple things and you're not gonna be heard until you tell her first. From my experience, ALWAYS be open and don't hide your feelings cause that's a strong sign that the relationship isn't built on a strong foundation.
     
  5. trev.the.enemy

    trev.the.enemy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    10,939
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Midwest
    I've spoken to her about it a couple of times. Tonight when she signed onto MSN for like 10 minutes, we spoke about it - also did last night. She claims she's done nothing wrong and all of this. Yesterday was okay 'cause she had doctors appointments and shit, which I knew about. Then last night she was like "I should be online at least tomorrow, so we'll be able to talk" so I got all excited.. then yeah. Nothing. Except for me telling her how it's ridiculous that she says she'll do this(or try to) then doesn't do it, or doesn't even tell me about the change of plans.


    :hsd:

    I don't know. I can understand her wanting to be "free", as I'm the same way.. but there's a difference between wanting to be free and having common courtesy for someone you say you love IMO.
     
  6. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2006
    Messages:
    4,153
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    You are too available. She never even has to think about you because any time she feels like it she can have your attention. Also, you never ever intiate a conversation about where your relationship is going, because you cannot convince her to change her emotions. If you try to, she will resent you for it.

    Stop putting her first. Put yourself first and find fun things to do with your friends or by yourself so she doesn't occupy your mind all the time.
     
  7. trev.the.enemy

    trev.the.enemy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    10,939
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Midwest
    10-4. Thank you. :)
     
  8. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    I know she's your gf and all...but why are you sitting at home not doing anything? Get cell phones. Go out and live your lives, and CALL each other when you want to talk.

    Talking on the internet with you isn't big enough of a deal for her to plan. I mean, seriously, it's just chatting on the web. So if other stuff comes up, yeah, she's going to go do it. The internet will always be there.

    You should be the same way. Don't let talking on the internet run your life. Live your life, and you can chat with her when you both happen to be on.
     
  9. trev.the.enemy

    trev.the.enemy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    10,939
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Midwest
    I have a cell phone and have told her to call me and all of that. She doesn't. And for the past week I've been sitting at home because I'm broke until a client comes through with some money. :o

    And when she's home, she never lets me call the house phone. Okay, well sometimes.. but rarely ever. I don't know.

    You're right, though. I've been debating a part-time job anyways for a "fun fund" since lots of clients seem to want to take their time paying me. :mamoru:
     
  10. trev.the.enemy

    trev.the.enemy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    10,939
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Midwest
    I meant "she doesn't" by she doesn't have a cell phone, by the way. But it also applies to her not calling me. I'd call her if she had one(well, would put minutes on it :p).
     
  11. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2005
    Messages:
    1,226
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    socal
    More detail about your relationship needs to be known to fully evaluate this situation. How old are you guys, how long have you been dating, what do you do most of the time besides being with her, etc. etc.

    edit: and amen to not devoting all your time thinking about her. doesn't sound like the stage at which you would want to do that. until more is known, id say to relax, chill out and enjoy yourself whether she's in the picture or not.
     
  12. trev.the.enemy

    trev.the.enemy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    10,939
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Midwest
    I'm 21, she's 18. Sometimes I tell myself therein lies the problem(her being 18). lol

    We've been "together" like a month - liked each other for like, over a year. I just got out of a serious relationship, though. So maybe I'm more on the defensive than normal?

    Anddd I'm a roadie, also promote for local/regional bands, go out a lot, am involved in local politics, etc. But as of late, I've been relatively broke and trying to save money for bills so I've forced myself to stay home.
     
  13. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2005
    Messages:
    1,226
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    socal
    there we go, puts things way more into perspective. of course at her age an open relationship and serious relationship are the same thing to her whether she knows it or not. girls at that age just aren't mature enough, and there's not much you can do about it. of course she's not the only problem though. you being home is obviously going to start causing feelings of boredom/loneliness, and she being your gf is the first one you'd expect to make those feelings go away.
    Finally, being together for one month we can all admit is nothing. But good thing is that you guys are still learning about each other and how you guys fit as a couple. she may as well just be the type of girl who doesn't see the small issues you do as 'bad.'

    IMO there's sometimes too much of 'am i asking too much, should i tolerate this, etc. etc.' The main question people should be asking themselves when it's hard to differentiate between 'right and wrong' is: Can my SO and I work this out together and progress further in the relationship, resulting in both of our happiness?
    If not, it's never too late, nor BAD to let things go. And of course, I am not implying anything about your relationship, just something to think about when you get doubts like this.
     
  14. trev.the.enemy

    trev.the.enemy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    10,939
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Midwest
    i'm not sure if we can work it out, because she seems adament(sp?) about staying the same way. i just want communication, or more of it. if we don't actually sit down and talk for 3 days, i'm okay with that. i'd still like to hear from her and know what's going on so i know how to act.
     
  15. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2005
    Messages:
    1,226
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    socal
    ok then, the final question is whether you can put up with her staying that way. My ex was the one who wouldn't change her habits either, and I kept trying to change mine to conform with hers. Bad mistake. It doesn't work for one and it will probably end up making you less happy. The options themselves are simple: stay with her and put up with this minor issue or leave her. The decision, the trade off, is the part you will have to think about.
     
  16. trev.the.enemy

    trev.the.enemy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    10,939
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Midwest
    I think I'm gonna get rid of her. I've not invested too much time, etc., in her so.. I won't feel bad about it.

    Instead, I'll focus my energy on myself/bettering myself financially, etc. Seems more beneficial.

    Thanks, OT.
     
  17. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2006
    Messages:
    1,216
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North Miami Beach, FL
    The age difference isn't necessarily a problem, I'm 19 and my bf is 23, and we're doing fine. The problem seems to be her and her lack of communication. But, yeah ditto to what everyone's been saying. You just can't be available all the time, do other things with your life. You shouldn't have to wait by the phone for her. You should be having fun, whether she's in the picture or not.
     
  18. Asses Maximus

    Asses Maximus Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Guns d

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2005
    Messages:
    15,148
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Between laziness and impatience

    QFT

    I wish I had done this for my first releationship.
     
  19. trev.the.enemy

    trev.the.enemy New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    10,939
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Midwest
    thanks everyone. :)
     
  20. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2000
    Messages:
    20,066
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    Don't decide how to act based on what she's doing (or not doing). Act like your normal self. It sounds like she's got you tied on a string and rather than make efforts to pull you closer, she's just giving it a random jerk to keep you guessing. When I was around your age I had 2 guys do that to me, only we didn't have internet access like we do now and cell phones were few and far between. So needless to say I wasted several nights waiting by the home phone hoping. I finally had to rip myself away and just go out with other friends or do other stuff I wanted to do. I am happier that I did that instead of pining away for them.
     
  21. walkingongreen

    walkingongreen New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2007
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    sometimes it is easier these days to just stay in a relationship that may or may not be going so well. It is hard to say if ur gf. is being sincere or not. She could be shopping around or bored, but not to bored to break-up with you. It sound as if she likes to string you along and play with ur emo. Just ask her whats up. If she can not give u a intelligent response or sincere... then in a round about way you have your answer. I hope that u work things out either way. Maybe u need to be more assertive with her and let her know that u feel as if she is taking advantage of ur feeling for her. Sometimes girls like it when u set a few rules of your own.
     
  22. keysmachine

    keysmachine New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2007
    Messages:
    7,778
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cleveland
    solid advice.. this is absolutely critical in any budding relationship or a relationship in which the girl is taking you for granted.
     

Share This Page