SRS Am I a wretched girl?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by lansing, Feb 13, 2010.

  1. lansing

    lansing New Member

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    I have been a teacher in a town since I graduated from college, but I went through some really difficult time in recent years. In the first year after I took the job, one of my student died in a fight with his shoolmate at school. Although, it's kind of an accident, but the pressure from school and the student's parents and relatives all came to me, which made me really exhausted. In the second year, I found my boy friend had an affair with someone. My ex was my first love, so, you know it was hard for me to broke up with him. I cried hysterically and begged him to come back and he promised he wouldn't go to her any more. However it was a lie. i felt hurt badly by his lies and gave him up in the end. It took me a lot of time to recover from it. Then, in the third year, the problem came from one of my good friends, also my colleague. She is the same age as me and we came to work at the school in the same year, so we often spent time together in free time. However, she was quite introverted and had few friends. So when she got into an affair with a married guy, she became quite sensitive and neurotic. She thought everyone in the world has known her affair with that guy and what all the people said was trying to satirize and mock her. However I was her only friend in the town, I accompanied her and tried my best to persuade her to be happy, not to be so sensitive. But the result turned out bad. She thought what I said was mocking too and it was me that made her be this. what's worse, her mother even threatened to sue me.
    I don't know why my life is such a mess and I don't know what will come to me the next year. In the daytime, I smile and leave the mess out of my mind, but when I am alone at night, I feel so sad and scared. It seems my life is doomed. Does any person have the same experience? How can I deal with these mess?
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You need to be like a castle gate closing yourself to bad people/things/events, and open yourself up to good people/things/events, if you let the enemy into your castle they will only end up destroying it(even if its family), and leaving you crying over the ruins.From there you can keep on crying, or rebuild your life, i advice you to rebuild your life.

    You have to see life as a river, if you stand in front of that raging river you just get swept away. The big negative stream of life must not be allowed into your heart,otherwhise you become emotionally destroyed. you can only open up your emotions at some times and only in places where it is safe to open them up. You must not allow life to make you go crazy.

    The big problem is that you are an emotional person and you have to see your emotions as a beautifull garden that needs to be protected, if you let bad people come inside of your garden and destroy it, then you become an emotional mess as you are now.

    The problem is: You've involved yourself into troubles that have got nothing to do with you.
    The solution: don't involve yourself(emotionally) with problems that have got nothing to do with you.

    Don't involve yourself with the death of your student, its got nothing to do woth you. Don't involve yourself with the affairs of that woman, its got nothing to do with you. Negativity is like a black hole that wants to drag you into its misery.

    You need to jump out of that black hole, don't get dragged into that swamp.

    You can only contribute your own little stone to life,don't try to carry the entire world on your shoulders, in those two situations you've definitly should have been more distant and formal.

    - In case one of the death of your student, you must understand that you are not a police officer, you cant monitor a student 100% of the time, hell even a dedicated mother cannot look and attend to her children 100% of the time, they run loose, and same counts for students, only god knows what troubles they have at their homes, and what individual conflicts those guys had with eachother. You have a circle of influence, everything that falll out of the circle , falls out of your hands, think it like this. Can you be emotionally involved with all the 7 billion that are out there? No right, you'd go crazy, its not your job. Loving sometimes means letting go. And we need to let go of this crazy river, we can only scoop some water out of it and try to purify it and lead our lives in the best possible way , in other words, as a human being you cannot do much, but you do what you can do, doing things outside of your power is just a dead end, and this is the reason why you need to block those things out of your life instead of becoming emotional involved with it.

    The one student, the entire class can collect some money and send flowers with condoleances together with it. And you'd could have a meeting with the board to propose that every quarter of a year , students would need to fill in an emotional enquire to see if they are happy emotionally, or wether there are problems, and from there help institutes could be given to individual students. But this kind of help would be given collectively, its not something you could do alone, because i know for sure people at your school have structural problems in their lives.

    So stop blaming yourself, often many woman do a classic 'blame it on myself', while if you would look at reality there were tons of factors outside of you that caused the fight, and students are immature and in a difficult pubering time of their lives ,so they don't know how to deal with agression, jealousy and god knows what kind of problems they have in the background of their lives.

    You therefore need to seperate your emotions from your professional life, its ok to be kind to students, but you have to draw lines and borders.

    That lady friend of yours went bad by going into an affair with a married man, you should tell her not to be in a relationship with a married man, if she takes your advice to heart, she would leave that man, if she doesn't ,stop being her friend. Jump out of the blackholes. Ditch idiots and negativity out of your life. You have to be like a garbage man, who throws all the messes out of her life on a continues basis.

    Don't stay in bad situations anymore, jump out, make that choice, make it happen, and you'll live a lot happier and better life.
     
  3. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Kids don't usually die in fights. Why did the parents turn on you and/or blame you. There's more to this story.

    The other 2 are pretty normal even if they're painful. Your boyfriend was a douchebag, don't date doucebags. Your friend, well she made bad choices and fucked herself up, don't hang out with idiots.

    I got the impression you live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else and people talk. It sounds like they've ostracized you in this town a bit. So if this is the case, perhaps it's time to move to a different town, maybe even a large city where people won't be so nosey.
     
  4. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    yep.

    AND, (probably) not only did she fuck up, but she probably told other people lansing was somehow involved to divert attention away from her whoring ways.

    :werd:
     
  5. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

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    If those are your only problems then feel free to read my other posts to see some perspective on how much worse it could be for you.
     
  6. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    Troll?
     
  7. Vermicious_K

    Vermicious_K New Member

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    It sounds like it's about time to move on. Ever hear "it's always darkest before dawn"

    If your friends aren't so friendly, forget them. If you're boyfriend isn't very caring, forget him too. I know these statements are easier said than done, but life is short and can't be wasted being pissed off or sad all the time.

    If there's one thing that people need to understand (IMHO of course), it's that we control our lives. Our lives are today, the decisions we make everyday.

    If we are not making choices that put a smile on our faces and are taking the weight off of our shoulders then it is time to reconsider our situation.

    My suggestion to you is to think long and hard about what you want and just go for it. We've only one life to live.
     
  8. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    It's only darkest just before the dawn if you're busy looking in the direction of the sunset; if you know where to look, you can see the sunrise coming from a long way off.

    There's a lot of past in this thread and not very much future. What are you working towards? What are you looking forward to? Anything at all? If not, that's why you're sad and scared, because you're looking back at a bunch of unpleasant memories and you have no idea what you're headed towards. You might as well be driving by looking in the rearview mirror and trying to guess where the road will turn next.
     
  9. Hot Sauce

    Hot Sauce New Member

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    I don't think you are a wretched girl, but it sounds like you moved on from one bad situation to another. Bad relationships are bad habits. You went from a boyfriend who didn't need or want you anymore to someone who relied on you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. Sounds like the perfect time for a little self evaluation and mental restructuring. Starting over can be awesome
     
  10. lansing

    lansing New Member

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    Thank you for your suggestions. They are very clear and helpful. I always know I am not strong or mature but fragile in many aspects, so when I was betrayed and mistaken, It's crap. Anyway, I won't give up hopes and so many beautiful things in the world. As you say, I will rebuild my life and make the castle stronger to protect the garden in the heart better.
     
  11. shiyan

    shiyan grabbing titties in amusement parks OT Supporter

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    1. The kid's death is in no way your fault
    2. Relationships can go bad, you were unlucky in this case.
    3. I suggest you make more friends.
     

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