am I a serial monogamist? v.my last 10 years.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Jul 22, 2009.

  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I started dating my first "real" gf a month or two into college. She was on my floor. She was awesome (altho eventually became crazy) and we got along wonderfully. We lived next door to each other (intentionally) for sophomore and junior year and then senior year we moved to a different apartment complex and lived across the parking lot from each other. Near the end of first semester senior year she started to go crazy so I started pulling away. Eventually we broke up after 3.5 years and I started dating this other chick...

    I dated her through graduation and for the next 2 years. I lived like an hour away so we only saw each other on weekends (we worked in different cities). She was a very nice girl, zero drama, but we weren't quite as compatible as me and my first gf were, and I started to realize this. We liked to do different things for fun, and some of the stuff she liked, I was annoyed by. I knew this was the beginning of the end. One day she was like "we need to talk... what's going on with us?" She knew my interest level was dropping. I was like "I dunno... but it's definitely not a physical issue; you're hot!" But to be honest, we didn't have sex much in the last 6 months. Eventually we decided that we should take a break...

    Then I had a FWB for a few months. The sex was good but she was too fundamentally different from me to have a relationship with. There was no "click."

    A few months later I met the girl who would become my "psycho ex." We got along really well until she went psycho (which in hindsight was 2 months into the relationship, yet somehow I dated her for like 1.5 years total). She was super hot and we regularly had sex 4-5+ times a day in the beginning and 1-3 times a day at the end. But she was crazy. With her, about 9 months into it I realized that fundamentally she was not a good match for me (wouldn't be a good mother, wouldn't be a good wife) but I was blinded by her manipulation and love chemicals. We did breakup/makeup a few times, and the first time I was super upset, but with each subsequent breakup I cared less and less. Finally in the end we broke up and then I didn't want to makeup again. I still loved her chemically but I knew that she wasn't the right person for me.

    So at this point I decided I needed some time to recover. I did a lot of self-help programs ("No More Mr. Nice Guy" (thanks Viper... or Socrates or Yail or whoever recommended that book), The "Dating Dictionary" or whatever it's called... I can't remember who it's by, it's the one that talks about "flexible givers," PUA, RSD, affirmations, etc.). I distinctly remember this period of time in my life. I remember feeling good about myself sometimes. I remember learning a lot about what I did wrong in that relationship (mostly by tolerating her bullshit). I remember feeling free and relieved now that I wasn't with my psycho ex anymore. I was rocking at my job. I was rocking at the gym. But I missed having a gf.

    Four months later or so I started talking to the girl who would become my recent ex at work. The situation was perfect, I was able to be C&F, and a random series of events occured that gave me something to break the ice with her about. We started emailing each other at work and randomly visiting each other at our desks. A few weeks later I told her she should come to a concert with me at the end of October, it was the greatest first date ever (link). Like a month later we were officially "bf/gf" and the next 1.5 years were were pretty much the happiest of my life.

    So a month ago we just broke up and now I'm confused and don't know what's going on.



    I feel like I'm the opposite of most people. Most people it seems go through long periods of random hookups and then medium periods of being exclusive (with possible cheating).

    I go through long periods of relationships and then short/medium periods of being single. Is that weird? I'm 28 and I've been with 5 chicks. I feel like that number is ridiculously low, but at the same time, I'd much rather be in a relationship than be hooking up.

    I can't bring myself to do random hooking up :dunno: I don't want to tell my wife she's number 50 or 100 or something. Seems like it would cheapen something that I think should be special :dunno: Plus, I'm afraid of STDs. I wouldn't trust someone who would randomly hook up with me. If she'll ONS with me, she's probably ONSed with 100 other guys. Gross.


    So, am I a serial monogamist? Each relationship I was in I assumed would end in marriage. Discuss.
     
  2. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    Does it matter? Plenty of people prefer monogamy over random hook ups, myself being one of them.
     
  3. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    Yes, seems like you are. My number is even more ridiculously low,lol:o. Nothing wrong with it. I would respect a guy who has your mindset which is very rare these days...

    However you have to work on your insecurities, which can be more annoying than if you had a few casual hookups!
     
  4. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    im 31. started dating (1st "real" gf) when i was 18. dont feel like counting how many people i ve dated but.... im 31 now.

    had two LTR. one ended in divorce, total of 6 yrs. and my current one is running on 2 yrs.

    not including those two the rest of my years were made of 2 month relationships and random hook ups.

    to answer your question if you think every relationship you get in will end in marriage i would say you are way to much of an optimist.

    im the opposite. i assume all will end.
     
  5. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    My goal for dating is to find a suitable wife.

    I don't really wanna waste my time casually dating. The only reason I had an FWB was because I trusted her and knew she wasn't a whore.
     
  6. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I just feel like it's SOOOO hard to meet a woman who:

    - is on my wavelength (this is all-encompassing)
    - is hot
    - is smart
    - is not a whore
    - is trustworthy
    - is emotionally stable
    - is single
    - isn't a golddigger/feminist/princess
    - is able to communicate
    - doesn't have a short temper
     
  7. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    What was the point of this thread? I think you answered your own question. I think you want to know being a serial monogamist is wrong.

    Yes, you are a serial monogamist, and I share your attitude towards dating and life. However, i don't see what's so bad about casually dating.

    If you don't want to randomly hook up, then don't do it. At the same time though, you're gonna have to stop obsessing about your ex. Maybe take four months off to rest and recover (kinda like you did before you met the current ex you're going nutso over) and see what comes your way?

    5 chicks is kinda low for a guy who talks constantly about PUA stuff though. I mean, i know a nice guy who is literally in the 70s. He is of course, a nice, handsome, and funny former college football player.

    Honestly, i think you could use a little numbers inflation and dating around. Casual dating never hurt anybody.

    Serial monogamy is usually a sign of neediness, and as you scholars of dating know, neediness and desperation is the strongest turn off around. You were able to have spurts of independence and faking being awesome, how about you cement that?
     
  8. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Introspection.

    Wait, what?
     
  9. Bi-Polar-Bear

    Bi-Polar-Bear OT Supporter

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    I think you are. Based on a lot of your other threads, it seems you have some of the same values and positive morals as I do. I have never been into the whole random hookup thing myself. Out of the few relationships I have ever been in, they have all ended up being LTR's. I have never cheated on any of my gf's and never will. I doubt I could be more momogamistic(is that even a word lol) if I tried.

    Oh and props to you for being so different from most guys.
     
  10. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    this is a very stupid thing to say. How having to opportunity to date casually and not doing it is a sign of neediness? Just shows the person does not enjoy relationships that possibly have no meaning and that is not = neediness.
     
  11. Bi-Polar-Bear

    Bi-Polar-Bear OT Supporter

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    Not so fast. Since when does choosing to look for an LTR over some random hook ups make you needy or insecure? I'd call it smart if you prefer quality over quantity.
     
  12. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    :werd: actually you are needy when you always need to date some one or have sex with some one and can't go without it. My boy friend is the least needy guy I know and because of that he very rarely had casual hookups/dating.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You're really having to ask this as if you don't already know???
     
  14. tomohr

    tomohr look again! OT Supporter

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    I don't think that there is anything wrong with preferring to be in a relationship than having "random hook ups". Sometimes meeting a chick in a bar or at a party and then fooling around all night can be fucking amazing. The only problem that I have with this post is this.

    Now, this is not something I would throw around in the main forum but I'm 23, on my 4th serious relationship ( one year in sept.) and have only had one stint through that time of "random hook ups". This is the thing that is different for me though -- I'm still a virgin.
    There is no reason that you can take some time to yourself and say "I want to be single, I want to have fun meet new ladies... and just not have sex". As RIDICULOUS as that may sound, it will a) let you have sometime to focus on yourself and b) keep your dick clean.
    There is no reason at all that hooking up with, or messing around with someone has to ultimately lead to sex. Sure, it feels great (from what I hear) and it is fun (again.. rumors), but, a lot can be said about going back to the basics and just having a good time with someone.
    It seems that you may not completely be interested in being in a relationship right now.. fine! But, don't cut yourself off from the females, they are to wonderful to be without. Just cut out the sex for a little while

    but what do I know.. I'm a stupid 23 y/o virgin

    sorry for long post :o
     
  15. greenpillow

    greenpillow New Member

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    1 in 4 girls have an STD.. I don't like that number.
     
  16. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    falconer's threads are not about actually asking a question. I think he likes to share his thoughts and he likes to analyze them and invites us to analyze them as well! Also many times they are for boosting his ego, am I not right falconer?:mamoru:
     
  17. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Not counting the high school boyfriends I had in highschool I have had two boyfriends. One I ended up having a child with and the other I ended up having two with and finally marrying. Between them I had one FWB but it got messy real quickly, real fast and not because of me.
    I am now 27 and the last 8 years have been with my husband.
    See, to me having the idea that dating lead to a serious long term relationship is what is normal. It's the people who date for the hell of it or sow their seed that are the ones who deserve catchy and thought provoking labels. Being a 'serial monogamist' conjures up negative thoughts and I don't think it is negative concept at all.

    I dated to find a husband. Not to find a play toy. And when I say I dated to find a husband I don't mean that that was all I thought about and I had a time line, but the relationship was viewed at being forever. My husband and I dated for nearly 7 years before tying the knot. There was no urgency to get married and there was no pressure. But we both entered the relationship because we wanted to be together forever. Otherwise it is just a waste of what limited time we have on this planet
     
  18. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    And you think other guys wouldn't be trying to hookup with a girl like this?
     
  19. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    How hot? Hot enough that you could see yourself being with her, or hot that she must be a 10 straight up? Because attraction grows and while you may not consider her super hot now, if you get to know her better she will turn into the hottest piece of arse on the planet
    What kind of smart? Street/Life smart? Intellectually Intelligent?
    What is a whore in your eyes?
    Trust is earned and built. It isn't there from day dot.
    Who is these days?
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Guys looking for a hookup don't care.

    So what can I offer those chicks in return? Simple: I meet all those criteria myself.
     
  21. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    7 or better in my eyes.

    All of the above. Not naive. Love of learning (go on dates to museums, enjoy watching shows on Discovery and History channel with me, etc). Intelligent.

    Random hookups/sex with a bunch of guys she's not in committed relationships with.

    Must have a history of being trustworthy. Cheating on an ex in the past is most likely grounds for disqualification. Yes, I ask that question early on.

    Some people. By "emotionally stable" I mean someone who doesn't shoot first ask questions later, no short temper, and an ability to communicate effectively.
     
  22. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    A lot of the time, yeah.

    I'm not sure how much ego boosting I get from them :dunno:
     
  23. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    How upsetting Falconer. You wouldn't give me a second look :wtc:
     
  24. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    I know where you can find your women. Go after very nerd girls in universities :big grin:

    you have to relax your requirements tho. I mean we all have a list that we love in a SO. But it is rare to find some one that meets ALL of them!
     
  25. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    That list is fucking SIMPLE

    Vag looks like it's turning into "let's talk about Falconer's relationships even though it will get us nowhere". It wasn't fun while it lasted.

    I'm going to sit out from discussion here because it's retarded.
     

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