SRS Am I a jerk?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DubyaS6, Aug 18, 2009.

  1. DubyaS6

    DubyaS6 New Member

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    Alright, background:

    I have this friend (I have known her for a little over a year) and she always seems to be going through tough situations. For example, she was in a relationship with this guy who she found out that he was cheating on her with another girl from JAPAN (we are in Texas). This same guy is technically still married to another woman, but has been separated from her for a few years, just has never divorced. Of course my friend kicked him out and dumped him, but after about a month, she started talking to and dating him again. Of course I gave her advice on this, none of which she listened to.

    About another month of her dating him again, she decided that him being married bothered her and she told him that she didnt want to pursue anything with him until he got that taken care of. Good for her, HOWEVER, they still act the EXACT same. Still "live" together (its her apartment), still go out together all the time, etc.

    I try to be supportive, but its obvious that I dont agree with her choices and it just gets really old when she tells me all these negative things about their "relationship" and I voice my opinion about it.

    I understand that its not my relationship so I probably shouldnt care, but I get so SICK and TIRED of listening to the same old stuff all the time...

    Am I a jerk?
     
  2. CRXican

    CRXican God Loves Ugly

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    Sounds like you're in the friendzone, she won't listen to you anyway.

    and you're just being honest, has she called you a jerk?
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2009
  3. skych

    skych New Member

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    not at all, sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and the relationship she's in is bound to fail miserably, you just see that and she doesn't :mamoru:
     
  4. DubyaS6

    DubyaS6 New Member

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    She definitely hasnt called me a jerk, but I just kinda feel bad because I know everytime I sit down with her its going to be another sob story about this and that and I know that everything I say is going to go in one ear and out the other.

    She is a really sweet girl, but she is just hard on herself at lot and it never seems like she is happy. Its just kinda stressing me out because I try to support her and be positive and uplifting to her and nothing helps...

    Suggestions?
     
  5. bluefox1081

    bluefox1081 New Member

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    Tell her she can either take your advice, or stop coming to you with sob stories that you've already provided solutions to.
     
  6. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    No.

    And tell her you don't want to hear it. I would.
     
  7. A Juggalo

    A Juggalo Active Member

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    I have a roommate that is doing the same thing...all he talks about is his girlfriend that has already cheated on him and tells him that they should not be together..and he keeps getting back with her. He thinks i care about this now..but i dont cause ive heard the same shit come from his mouth and i dont want to talk about it anymore. i'm about to tell him to stop talking to me about it cause he wont listen to anyone anyway. its getting very irritating.
     
  8. DubyaS6

    DubyaS6 New Member

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    Yeah its just, you cant just flat out tell a girl that you dont want to hear about her shit anymore...IF you still want to be friends with her...LOL!
     
  9. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    so it's time to make a choice.

    personally, I'd tell her. I'd start with "I'm afraid this may change our relationship, but ..................... I can't hear about this guy any more." then blah blah blah.
     
  10. DubyaS6

    DubyaS6 New Member

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    PS-I also work with her...
     
  11. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    with her? tell her.

    for her? smile and pretend to be listening, while really you're picturing her naked.
     
  12. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i had a friend in a similar sitution

    i told her that if she wasnt willing to take my advice, then why did she keep crying to me about. i told her she was obviously unhappy, and as a friend who cared about her, i was going to tell her my opinion when she came crying to me about him. if she didnt want to hear it from me, then she shouldnt tell me. if she wasnt going to take my advice, then i didnt want to talk about it either.

    it was her issue and she needed to wise up on her own. no amount of telling her what a horrible guy he was would change her mind.

    with this girl, tell her you would like to be friends, but dont want to hear about her issues with this guy anymore. she can take it or leave it. either way, you shouldnt have to be listening to another person make idiot mistakes over and over again. its one thing if she is trying to get away from him, quite another that its her choice to stay where she is unhappy
     
  13. DubyaS6

    DubyaS6 New Member

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    :bowdown:

    Exactly how I feel...thanks :coolugh:
     
  14. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    I'd be sick of it too. That sounds really annoying.

    If you REALLY want to help her, hook her up with someone that isn't a cheating, cowardly, prick.

    She probably has VERY low self-esteem, and she might not even realize it. It sounds like she keeps going back to this person and staying with him because she has no one else and doesn't want to be alone. Another women that had other options would not put up with cheating.

    One of my worst pet peeves is someone who complains all the time, but never does anything about the situation. I have stopped associating with people who do this and it has left me a much happier person. However, if the person is really someone you care about, you should help them.

    I definitely think hooking her up with a half-decent guy should do the trick.
     
  15. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    Do your feelings for her go beyond friendship? It kind of sounds like they do.

    I've been in situations like yours many times in my life. Friends come to you and solicit your advice and then completely ignore it. I guess that's what friends are for.

    Don't let it frustrate you, or if it does, tell her how you feel, and that you'd prefer to stay out of her relationship business.
     
  16. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :bowdown:

    i've been on both sides of the coin. i've both said this and have had it said to me. :hs:

    tell your friend she needs to see a therapist if she wants to continually dissect her relationship with this POS guy.
     
  17. DubyaS6

    DubyaS6 New Member

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    I absoultely have no alternative motives with her (I am straight and engaged to a boy :)) but I do care about her feelings because she has always been a good friend to me.

    I am guessing that she just talks to me about this because she needs to talk to someone about it, moreso to vent than to get advice. At least thats the way it seems since she doesnt take the advice:mamoru:
     
  18. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    It's time to tell her that you're not interested in hearing about her situation. You're a friend, not a therapist.
     

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