SRS Am I a failure if I move back in with mom?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Alexqzilla, Aug 26, 2008.

  1. Alexqzilla

    Alexqzilla New Member

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    I moved to California from Georgia about a year ago, and was doing just fine until I had to quit my job and start looking for a new one. The economy out here is absolute shit. I've applied at at least 30 places, all of which I follow up on, I've gotten a lot of interviews at a lot of staffing companies, and I'm behind on rent. I told myself if I don't find SOMETHING in the next month, I'll just pack up and move back to Georgia. I know if I do, though, I'll feel like I totally failed.

    Another part of the issue is my twin sister, and moving back in with her. She's super successful, is doing college, and working a great job at Aflac. She's never lived on her own, so she wouldn't understand that the economy sucks.

    She's one of main the sources of my lack of confidence. She was ready for kindergarten before I was, so I had to go all throughout school with the "Better" twin being a grade ahead of me. My family would always be like "Why can't you be more like your sister?" She got a car way before I did, she got a job way before I did, she's always had a lot more friends, even if they are a bunch of lame squares, and she never lets me live any of it down.

    My sister is assertive and good at memorizing things, and she has a strong work ethic. I'm passive, forget things all the time and rarely feel motivated.

    I can have an intelligent conversation, stay calm in situations, and never freak out about anything. She still has jumping and screaming fits, sees the world to be about nothing other than herself and freaks out over everything. She screams bloody murder whenever she stubs her toe.

    She made good grades and all the teachers liked that she made them, but thought she was kind of a bitch. I made bad grades and the teachers were my best friends.

    She listens to Panic at the Disco, I listen to Tool. Etc etc etc



    She LOVES the fact that she does better than I do, and she rubs it in my face every time I see her. Just the thought of passing her in the hallway and watching her smirk at me, the failure who had to move back in with mom makes my stomach hurt.

    My landlord / roommate told me I can stay as long as I want and he won't kick me out, but I don't want to be a freeloader and abuse his hospitality. I made up my mind about moving back if I don't find anything.

    Is it really that bad?
     
  2. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    I'm about to move to LA from Austin this weekend.

    I feel that I would be more of a failure to myself if I didn't give it a shot. If I had to move back because of no choice, at least I gave it a shot.

    You gave it a shot. That's all you could ask of yourself. You are not a failure for taking a chance.

    And don't compare yourself to anyone.
     
  3. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    I had a friend who moved across the country and he was scared of failing....basically because a few people told him that if things didn't work out he failed. I basically told him that many people wouldn't have the balls to up and move and start all over in a new state.
     
  4. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    yes it is a failure, but you learn far more from failures than you do successes. If you need to, move home, learn from your failure, and continue on.
     
  5. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    also, it took a lot of bravery and risk to do what you did. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, that's the nature of life. Failure or no, it's still better that you did it than if you hadn't
     
  6. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    No dude.

    I graduated in 2003 and had been living away from home since then. In January of 08 I moved back home while I saved up a little bit more to buy a condo. I was 28...

    ... and then I got laid off and ended up not buying the condo and I still live at home. lol


    But I'm moving out in the next week or two :big grin:
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    The problem is you are comparing yourself to your twin sister, the problem also is that your family is comparing you to your sister.

    YOU ARE YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE!!!.

    How about bringing the power of your life back where it belongs? Namely in YOUR HANDS. If you allow others and yourself to compare yourself to your twin sister or to anyone, you just become an emotional soccerball for others to play with.

    Its like this. YOU work on YOUR life, and your sisters works on her life.

    Right? So that means you are responsible for your own succes in life. So start defining yourself , EARN YOUR OWN SUCCES and anything what you recieve in life. Instead of comparing yourself, because while you are looking over the fence on how the grass is 'greener' somewhere else, you are neglecting your own grass that has become black and rotton. STOP LOOKING OVER THE FENCE TOWARDS OTHER GARDENS!.

    Tend to your own garden and make your own grass green. And things will improve for you.
     
  8. kds

    kds New Member

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    If your landlord is fine for you to stay and won't kick you out, then why not give yourself just a little bit longer than a month?

    I wouldn't see it as a failure to move back home, more that it just didn't work out. It took balls to move away in the first place.

    It's easier said than done but you need to stop comparing yourself to your sister.
     
  9. Battle Angel

    Battle Angel New Member

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    shit happens you have to do what you have to do. and if your sister has never lived on her own she has no say in anything what so ever so who cares.
     
  10. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Well, it looks like you've run out of options, so you're going to have to move back home. At least you got out and tried to live your life. Use the opportunity to save some money and set a goal for yourself to be able to move out as soon as you can. Find a job and get an apartment when you feel that you can make rent. Your sister is trying to inspire you through competition. As much as you may hate it, she is a great source for advice as far as career and ambition goes.
     
  11. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    offtopic here but alexqzilla, that username text is hilarious.
     
  12. Alexqzilla

    Alexqzilla New Member

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    She feeds on her own ego. She can't wait for me to fail and come back.
     
  13. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Look you need to stop caring about being a faillure or not, you have to try to make the most out of your life, you start living for yourself while helping others on the way. Its YOUR life, you get those grades on school for who? For yourself, not for your mom , not for your sister, but because you work on behalf of YOUR life. Stop caring about what others think of you.

    Even tho you are twins, you walk your own path in life.
     
  14. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Beat her up like a good brother should do
     
  15. Alexqzilla

    Alexqzilla New Member

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    While what you say is true, this is the stuff I routinely bullshit myself with that I can only tell myself so many times. I want to believe it deep down, but I don't know how. I did poorly everywhere my twin succeeded, and there's no way around that to me.
     
  16. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Its because you have been brainwashed by your family up till the point that it has become a self forfilling prophecy. Both you and your sister do the same math test.

    you: Omg my sister always wins,i can't win i might as wel give up.
    her: Ha, im going to win and do everything to beat my twin.

    My friend, there is no honour in giving up, in the above example its clear that your twin sister is going to win, the question is why? The answer is:

    Because the power of your will has no ambition to feed it. Nor a need to CRUSH your opponent/obstacles that lie in your path.

    There's nothing 'magical' about your sister, its YOUR ATTITUDE that needs correcting.

    You basically have 'nothing' in terms of past gained successes to support yourself on, which has brought your confidence to an all time low. NOT ANYMORE!.

    You are going to have a DO or DIE attitude, anyone who says you can't do it including yourself may burn in hell, if a person doesn't support you in your life, tell them to get the hell away from you, even if its family. You don't
    need people who bring negativity in your life, the people who say you can't , you won't , and will never succeed.

    How can a seed grow if there's a person constantly stamping the seed back into the ground? Its impossible. A plant needs good circumstances to grow. It needs good soil, water,sunlight and all kinds of productive growing factors.

    Your family isn't , they should never have compared you with your twin sister, you should have been loved for the person who you are, stop allowing them to mold you into your twin sister, you are not her, never will be, and glad to it. Because it means you are the one in control of your own destiny.

    Your life may either be a succes/screwed , but it will be defined by YOUR HANDS ,and not by someone else. You should never allow others that power.

    Start defining your life, and Stop saying you can't, you CAN TOO!. There's nothing extra ordinairy about your sister that you cannot achieve. With Hard work you can beat her.
     
  17. Civil Disobedient

    Civil Disobedient "Die Biting The Throat" OT Supporter

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    I have failed on so many levels more than either of my sisters. i've worked really hard on getting over caring about what other people think.

    I'm finally living life for my self, not what i thought my parents wanted me to be or do. I own a very small business, but it gets me bye, and I am beholden to none. and i had to move back in with mom and dad for a while when i first got it started.

    Success as defined by American society and media is not the meaning of life. Its happiness. Material possessions may make some people happy, others its like chasing the dragon: bigger house, better car, hotter wife, etc.

    If you can identify yourself and find happiness, the real meaning of life, you'll be fine no matter what happens, and then you can really start to experiment and fail your way forward.
     
  18. Civil Disobedient

    Civil Disobedient "Die Biting The Throat" OT Supporter

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    check out "the art of happiness". best book i've ever read. changed my life. took me from one of the the darkest places i've been personally and brought me to new levels of personal satisfaction.
     
  19. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    100% agreed.

    My sister is KINDA like this, not a lot but a bit, and I gave her shit for it. But in the end I moved out too, only about 30 km away tho :hs: and so far its been 4 months and I find that (from my parents) she is envious of me and I think it's great to rub it in her face too. From here on in I'm only hoping to improve...

    If you have an option of staying at your apartment to look for a job, do it... If all fails try getting 2 part time jobs? Not sure how much your rent is or what not.
     
  20. Alexqzilla

    Alexqzilla New Member

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    I never hit her back until we were 17, then I broke her jaw with a "Suppressed Rage" punch. Haven't hit her since.

    I've been looking for a part time job for months, and I can't keep abusing his hospitality. I'm giving myself until the end of September.
     
  21. Alexqzilla

    Alexqzilla New Member

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    You're right, I just need to believe it for myself.
     
  22. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I wasn't being serious. Don't beat up your sister. They're only annoying when they're young.
     
  23. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Only fools believe, wise men know for sure.

    I give advice based on facts. I don't give advice based on beliefs. That's why you should accept these things for facts into your life its not some hocus pocus. Again as i said there is no magic to it. You can beat your sister based on cold hard facts, like you should.
     
  24. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    LOL a smack on the head to let her know her place wouln't hurt :naughty:

    I was also being serious though.

    I find that females like to cross boundaries sometimes, this is one of them. She isn't respecting you. If my sister run her mouth off in my presence I'd let her know I'm not tolerating it, if she ignores it, then it's not my problem anymore.
     
  25. Alexqzilla

    Alexqzilla New Member

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    It's all easy to say but fuck, man, she's getting her masters in marketing and her bachelor's in English and all I have is a GED with hopes to start at a community college soon
     

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