SRS am i a bad son?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DustinInTheWind, Mar 18, 2009.

  1. k here is the story:

    my dad had me when he was 52, i have one older brother.
    as a kid my mom ran out.
    when my bro was 18 he moved out, leaving me as the last one left.

    flash forward, i am 21, my dad is 72. he is somewhat able bodied. he has lung cancer but is not bed ridden or anything like that, he actually still goes to work sometimes.

    i have been considering moving out, as i feel as though i am at that age, i have a job that pays well enough to allow me to do so and i have a ready/willing roommate. the issue is that my family is making me out to be the d-bag for leaving my dad 'helpless'

    my dad says it doesnt really bug him if i go and he says he will figure out what he wants to do with himself (cus i leave he will prolly have to move out of the house)... my dad is prideful though, so the family tells me he is just being stubborn and i should stay (same family that bailed on us already)....

    im i the d-bag for leaving??
     
  2. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    painful question.....how long does he have to live?
     
  3. not sure. the doctors dont think the cancer will change his life expectancy at all.
    other than the cancer he is healthy. as i stated, he still drives, goes to work sometimes, and makes his own meals... but there are times that he has chemo or something and doesnt feel too good and i have to help him... i dont want to force him into a 'home' or anything you know, but i have to live my life...
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Just coming from someone who has lost a family member to cancer....stay with him until he goes. You might think it's cramping your style, but if you leave now and he dies in 4 months you are going to kick yourself for a long time.
     
  5. well id still see him.. to be honest he has never been too nice or warm to me or my brother... ah@!!! i am so f'ing conflicted about this
     
  6. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    there is nothing to be conflicted about. he spent x # of years raising you so why abandon him in his time of need when your mother abandoned you and he did not.
     
  7. you make a valid point. i am just so restless to get out. if i could move out and know that it does not put him in a bad situation, i would be okay with it.
     
  8. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    then live your life.
     
  9. Deadhead9150

    Deadhead9150 Banned

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    Stay with him until his cancer treatment is done, then reevaluate. The simple fact is that cancer treatment takes a lot out of you and to have you there when he's going through with it will probably mean a lot to him.
     
  10. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    if he is truly prideful, and you really have an urge to get your own place, then do it.



    I lived next to a lady that was very prideful. she was prideful enough that even some of her kids tried moving in with her to support her and she told them to get out. she lived alone mostly for over a decade battling about 10 different cancers. towards the end family had to pry their way in to care for her. just keep an eye on your dad and override his pride if he gets to a terminal point where he has to be cared for. right now it looks like he is fine, and if he really is prideful he will find somewhere to live.
     
  11. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    Your father is old and he is going to die soon any ways. you can't really put a damper on your life because of him. It sounds cold but he lived a long life and now it's your turn to. The rest of your family doesn't have the right to make you feel bad considering they aren't jumping in to live with him. It doesn't sound like he really needs you much and it is not as if you will be abandoning him completely when he needs you. He is independant and it sounds like he is handling the cancer well. If he needs you go back home.
     
  12. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    You know... being prideful also sometimes doesn't give them the ability to ask for help or other things when they really want it.

    Why not really have a heart-to-heart talk with your father. Tell him to put his pride aside and see what he really wants. Life would probably be very lonely for him. And, you can save all that money for rent, so you are not cramped for money later.
     
  13. Ivan

    Ivan New Member

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    Sounds to me like your family just wants you to stay with him because they will not do it. But why not...?
     
  14. Penetration

    Penetration OT Supporter

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    Maybe move out and get a place that isn't far from his house. It doesn't mean you are abandoning him, just living your life. Go see him every day or two, stop in to make him supper or say hi, and stay with him when he gets chemo for a couple days if he wants.
     
  15. Hegemon

    Hegemon New Member

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    probably best solution
     
  16. Legend Zero

    Legend Zero OT Supporter

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    question: what is making you want to move out? "live your life" but how? what is causing you to "not live your life" by living with your dad?
     
  17. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    You can't see how a 21 year old living with a 72 year old man wouldn't be cramping your style a little bit? Probably feels weird bringing over friends/women. Its a tough situation maybe move close so you can still see him often.
     
  18. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    I agree with this. Be close. But definitely see him often or you'll regret it.
     
  19. guys thanks for all you help!
    'i talked to him last night, and we decided that i would move out, but stay close and help him out when ever he needs it..
    i really cant thank you guys enough for your help, it's nice to have ppl to bounce ideas off of.
     
  20. Ivan

    Ivan New Member

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    That's good to hear, hope things go well.
     
  21. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    This is def a tough choice.

    I'm not sure if you're looking for this so I'll just spit it out. When a wife dies before her husband and they are both elderly. Many times theres a decrease in the life expectancy of the husband since he's now alone. What's different with your father is you're still in his life everyday.

    So when you move out and it's just him he's going to be lonely a lot. He may have visistors a couple times a week but he'll still likely get lonely.

    You need to realize that because you moving out could make him lonely and it could be damaging. Especially with cancer in his life.

    Ask your self this. You're 21. Is it really a big deal if you move out at 21 versus maybe 24? You have a perfect excuse as to why you should be staying home. It's not like people can say you lived off your parents forever. You spent an extra few years with your dad in his last years.

    Now, I don't think your a bad person if you decide to move out. Your family members are wrong for saying so. This is simply a decision you're going to have to live with for the rest of your life.

    You were put in a situation that many of us never have to endure. The minute they had you at such an older age they had to know something like this may happen. So they can't expect you to miss out on your life because you have to care for somebody by yourself.
     
  22. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    This is why people shouldn't breed after 40
     
  23. Hegemon

    Hegemon New Member

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    yup, still don't like you.
     
  24. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    The strong scent of Ben Gay as he leads a hookup to his room. :squint:

    But in all seriousness. Finding something close by so you can still help him if needed might be your best solution. How likely is it he will have to move for sure. Also, is it worth it to move out if oyu will have to help him constantly?

    The family you say are shitting on you, do they do anything to help your father? Just because you are the only one living there with him doesn't mean everyone else should get a free pass. They should do their part as well.
     
  25. Gvidon

    Gvidon New Member

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    Stay with him...

    Don't be like you whore mother or your douche bag brother.

    Take care of your old man and i guarantee you that you will not regret.
     

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