SRS Alone at college - where can I be thrust into conversation?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by PunkInDrublic, Sep 19, 2007.

  1. PunkInDrublic

    PunkInDrublic Active Member

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    Backstory. I'm 24. I decided to quit my job and go back to school as a transfer student with an AA. I'm 250 miles from where I used to live. I just broke up with my ex (and only ex) of 2.5 years. She's never been completely faithful, understanding or fair. I had a handful of friends here, but due to a crappy situation with one of them right after I got here, I'm sort of alienated to all of them now. I now have pretty much one friend (my roomate) and his brother. They're cool and all, but they are kind of loners themselves. Difference is, they like it that way. At any rate, I can hardly make new friends through them. I'm a CS Major, so there are literally two girls in my classes and most of the guys are the gamer/nerd types that I can get along great with, but are not the type of people I'm expecting to branch out through nor go to a bar with.

    So here I am. An extremely socially phobic 24 year old undergrad in a strange town. There are bars, but without anyone to go with, I feel like I might appear to be a creeper sitting alone with nothing to do but drink the beer in front of me. I physically CAN NOT approach people or strike up a conversation myself, but if I am thrust into one, I can flourish. I am decently attractive, great hygiene, great personality when I'm open, etc. No mental instability aside from my super low self confidence and depression.

    Advice in the vein of "Learn how to approach people/get over your shyness/etc" is NOT what I'm looking for. I've heard it a million times. Basically I'm asking how to get into a situation where I might be forced to talk to someone or they might approach me. Is this possible while going alone to a bar? Or is there somewhere else I can go on a college campus? Dancing is also not an option for many reasons.

    I'm getting desperate (which I know is also another bad quality to have when trying to talk to people). I have started drinking a bit every night just to calm my nerves and get to sleep (as well as get over my ex). Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Every night, though, I slump further into depression and I need to get out of it.

    "You're fucked" is a perfectly valid answer in the case of there's nothing else I can do except follow the "get over your shyness" advice. I'm pretty much expecting it.
     
  2. Fachh

    Fachh New Member

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    join some clubs
     
  3. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    and if it's dire enough, consider the greek system. no, i'm not greek, and the system is a little TOO active for me, but if clubs aren't enough going greek is an incredibly fast path to meeting people.
     
  4. PunkInDrublic

    PunkInDrublic Active Member

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    I'm considering it, but I'll most likely have to wait until the next formal recruitment, which would probably be a few months.

    I have looked into clubs a bit, but there's not a lot I'd be interested in and I really just want to meet people, not get involved with any extra special interests.
     
  5. Gek

    Gek Go for broke

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    sometimes you have to make the effort to go into stuff like clubs. The more you're "out there" and meeting people the better chance you have of making connections and friends. Usually during classes that create groups are the times when I get to know everyone in my group and what they like and dislike, meeting up somewhere to do hmwk and then going out to eat afterwards is a good building point too.
     
  6. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    Are you me, by any chance?

    I do leave my comp on at night -- maybe I have an alter-ego.
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I know you say you have social phobia and all that, but...

    You're looking for situations where you might be forced to talk to people, or they might approach you. How much difference is there between that little bit of time between when the conversation is going, and when it is started?

    You can't expect to go through life never initiating conversation.

    And regarding the drinking and depression...you're starting on a slippery slope. If you keep going on this course, you could start to become dependent on alcohol.

    Seek some counseling or therapy to help deal with the depression.
     
  8. Blahaboxxx

    Blahaboxxx OT Supporter

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    IM sports? you pretty much have to talk to your teammates, and vice-versa
     
  9. PunkInDrublic

    PunkInDrublic Active Member

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    I've thought about that. As much as I like playing football, I'm not really built for it, flag or not.

    Today I picked up an application to be a DJ on our school's indie station. I'm really into music and I'm hoping this will net me a couple friends.

    I also went to craigslist, which I quickly learned is not at all like seattle's craigslist. There were like two ads. I wrote to one and actually got a response. Who knows what shes like though. I know I can't rely on something like craigslist, but it's something :\

    I guess I got my answer. I pretty much have to take control. I don't know if I expected anything else or just needed to vent, but thanks for the advice.

    I'll try and lay off the non-social alcohol.
     
  10. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    dude go to a bar just have a seat and drink and i'm sure someone will come over and chill with you, when they do just be like "hey arent you in my class" and then just start from there. I know its harder then it sounds but try it. If not get into a hobby like racing cars and you will meet people at races/meets
     
  11. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    what are you looking for on craigslist?
     
  12. nsane

    nsane New Member

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    I know how the whole comp-sci route goes. If you're into technology, you could try joining something like the ACM or IEEE. At my school we have a bunch of student design teams (Solar Car, Robotics, Satellite, Solar House, etc) that usually need Comp Sci's pretty desperately. If you want to do something less involved, you could go for IM sports, where (if your school is anything like mine) you will see none of your Comp Sci classmates. Ultimate Frisbee is a pretty good one, some people are really into it but most people are there just to hang out and have fun.

    Ah yes, and remember, there are other normal people in your major, it's just a matter of finding them (it took me a year...)
     
  13. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

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    You know, I was afraid of the "going to that bar" solo thing myself for the same reason as you (afraid of looking like the creepy alone guy). But I'll tell you this, I've had people talk to me randomly. I went to the same bar two nights in a row, and one guy who happened to be there both nights as well came up the second night and commented on the fact that I was reading a different news magazine this time. We talked briefly. The guy next to me asked if anything good is coming out. We talked briefly as well. I'm sure I could have kept the conversation going, but I'm still working on that.

    Go up there, sit at the bar, keep a relaxed look about you, and you'll be fine. Grab a news magazine and flip through it to keep yourself otherwise occupied. Strike up conversations with other people. They're usually just as afraid as you. It's also much more rewarding this way.

    People go to bars themselves all the time. You won't be the first nor the last person to do it.
     
  14. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    most student unions have socials on fri/sat. like poker or bowling or dances.

    even with them being acohol free, a couple hundred people show, and there's no monthly commitment.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2007
  15. thefireflyjar

    thefireflyjar New Member

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    Start smoking cigarettes. I owe my entire college friends circle to it.
     
  16. Tdizzle

    Tdizzle New Member

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    :werd: you'd be amazed how many people you can meet just standing outside taking a smoke break before class
     
  17. lua

    lua New Member

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    Keep an eye out for any activities that get organized. Watching movies, card games, or even groups that get together to watch TV shows. My personality's not that far off from yours, and I met quite a few people through those.

    Also, part time jobs can really help. Work at a coffee shop. Seriously. You'll meet college students and locals.
     
  18. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I can't believe you guys are advocating he take up an addictive, unhealthy habit just to meet people...
     
  19. keysmachine

    keysmachine New Member

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    or work

    as for this dudes problems, you said it yourself you think you'll look like a creep if your by yourself in a bar drinkin away. You worry to much about what other people think of you. In this world nobody gives a shit about anybody that's just how it is.

    I stroll into bars on the daily by myself my best wingman is my cellphone so i'm never techniclly alone. Nobody gives me weird looks. if i see a bunch of people watching the game i'll just say something about the game and everybody will open up to me. its not hard
     
  20. PunkInDrublic

    PunkInDrublic Active Member

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    yeah i've thought about how easy it would be to pick up smoking and meet people that way. people always looking for someone to talk to when they're outside, looking for a cigarette, a lighter, etc.

    but i'm not about to pick up that habit.
     
  21. Chickenbum

    Chickenbum TOTW Winnar & Fav '06 ;)

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    dude i would kill to be in your situation


    make new friends, go out, socialize go to the college bar, hang out, let it take 2-3 weeks, meet regulars, socialize, enjoy
     
  22. PunkInDrublic

    PunkInDrublic Active Member

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    its been a month. and the ends are not the problem. i want that. its the means.
     
  23. Tetragrammaton

    Tetragrammaton New Member

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    I'm in the exact same boat. Just graduated from college up in Mass, and now I've moved about an hour away from home. My condo is right on University of Louisville's campus but i'm having a hell of a time trying to meet new people.

    A couple steps I'm working on:

    1. Joined a local gym, trying to participate in a couple of the classes they offer
    2. I played lacrosse in college, im trying to find a local club/old men's team to play with
    3. went out just to walk around on the local strip (of course the local drunk douche bags in the cars trying to fuck with me while im walking alone on the sidewalk doesn't really help my self-confidence)
     

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