SRS All of this shit is gonna get someone KILLED if I don't get some help here

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by The Mighty Megatron, Oct 16, 2005.

  1. The Mighty Megatron

    The Mighty Megatron Secondborn of the best drummer known to man

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    Hey guys. I'm in more shit... AGAIN. This is a quote from my blog, which allowed me to relieve a little stress, but at the same time it pissed a lot of people off. To give a little back story before hand:

    Recently, my mom and step-dad purchased a house a few miles away from our old home. This wouldn't have posed a problem if they had taken the time to tell me they were buying a house BEFORE they bought the damned thing. Instead, they decided to tell me at the last minute, while handing me empty boxes, that they were going to uproot me from the house I've lived in for all of my 16 years.

    From April until a few weeks ago I was heavily involved with a heavily undecisive, overly-christian girl named Jenna (hereby referred to as "bitch"). After 6 months of trying my damndest to work my way into her life, we got into a conversation about how we felt about each other. The result was her telling me that she really cared for me (as i did for her), and that she'd like to be with me, but to let things settle down (her brother is a douche bag who constantly starts something, and I was one of his targets because he was set on the idea that I'm a "skank" who didn't deserve his sister and that he was going to have to "take care of" me. All the while he explained his threats against me as "protecting his sister".). So, I'm thinking "YES!!! I've finally done it!", when, in actuality, while her and I were having that conversation (via IM), she was chatting away with someone I've known since I was about 3 and consider to be my brother, which wouldn't be so bad, if she wasn't hooking up with him while feeding me a bunch of lies. Needless to say, I've almost completely severed the tie (I still keep in contact with Cody, my "brother").

    After school on thursday, I came home to help move shit. I hadn't had a good day. I'd burned myself with a hot glue gun multiple times while attempting to make an egg carrier out of straws for my technology and design class, people seemed to want to constantly start shit with me, and all together it just wasn't a good day to be me. I get out of the truck to find that one of my dogs has escaped from their holding pen. I get agitated (he does it constantly), go over to him, grab him by the collar, and because he decided to struggle, I had to DRAG him. My brother (by blood) gets mad and screams "STOP FUCKING STRANGLING HIM!!!". I put the dog away, and turn on my brother, trying to explain through bared teeth that I wasn't strangling shit. He gets in my face, expecting me to back down (he's twice my weight and has about 6" on me), and when I don't, he starts yelling. I still wouldn't back down, and he yells "How'd you like it if I fucking strangled you?!?", and grabs the collar of my shirt and starts pulling trying to choke me. I lost all sense of humanity at that point, flipped out, and started swinging. I busted him in the face about 8 times before he got me in a headlock and tried hitting me in the face to put me down (after the shots he got in I kinda got brought back to my senses), but I kept blocking his shots with my forearm until I could bring us both to the ground. He gets on top of me and I kick him away. I walk off, go inside, and tear the fuck out of the kitchen. I head-butted the fridge until everything fell off of the doors, punched it enough to break my knuckles, flipped three chairs, went outside, punched a 4 foot dent in the side of the house, and my brother came out and calmed me down after a few minutes. End of that.

    Then I read my friend's blog. He'd broken up with bitch because of differences between them (after only a week or two), and she got all upset, threatening suicide, telling him she was going to over-dose, and all of that. I threatened to call an EMT and direct them to her house and she shut the fuck up about it. Well, I read his blog, and her brother said something to the effect of, "I told you when you hooked up with her, but you didn't listen. I don't want to have to hate you, but now you leave me no fucking choice. Just wait till I catch your ass on the street, little bitch". Imagine that with several typos and grammatical errors. So, in retaliation, I left a comment on my friend's blog, too. "Fucking ignore him, man. Some people need to step the fuck off before I have to catch THEM on the street. I know you don't want me to, but I'm sick of people's shit". Bitch didn't catch on very well and asked me if I was talking about her brother and started bitching about how she thought I was nothing more than an immature punk who doesn't deserve the right to live and that she hopes "our" God won't accept me into heaven and that all I'm after is a quick and easy piece. The result (note, my last name is Smalley):

    Except for the over-use of the word fuck, I think it got my point across well. Am I wrong for being so agressive and angry, given the fact of all the stress I've been put under and all the shit that people keep pouring on me? Is something wrong with me for thinking that I did nothing wrong for wanting to defend my "brother" and fulfill my own wants (her brother's head) at the same time? What the fuck am I supposed to do in this situation? Thanks again for being here for me. Most of my fucking so called "friends" don't treat me as good as OT and the Asylum do.:sadwavey:


    Also, I would like for it to be noted that in three days I've killed 8 packs of cigarettes (the stronger-but-not-strongest Marlboro Mediums), when usually it takes me two days to knock out 1 pack.
     
  2. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    You are wrong for being aggressive and angry. Aggression and anger only lead to more suffering for you. You need help with that. You need a therapist, kiddo.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You cannot fight evil with evil, because only evil will win, you can only fight evil with love. Now i already see you thinking but there's a wide range of scope in things that you did wrong. The main issue that you don't seem to understand is that things can backfire on you. For instance

    'you do something against the dog, your brother backfires at you.
    'you do something at her brother, she backfires on you'
    'you do something against parents,and they will backfire on you'

    I can garentee you that if you say something bad about the move your parents make they will yell at you and threaten to kick you out. SO with all of this mess what can you do to bring things in calmer waters. Well,

    Think before you act.Think before you act.Think before you act.Carefull,Carefull,Carefull, Am i going to damage someone or something with my actions? If the answer is yes, then you can expect that the afflicted person is going to take counter measures if you push thru, on which you take measures and which will lead to a downward spiral of hatred that makes your life complete hell and misery.

    You don't want that right? Well then don't allow factors in your life that ruin the peace, not from your side and not from other people's sides.

    Calm down,calm down, ask yourself what does it matter towards eternity, the answer is nothing. If something resides as a big issue or problem what does it matter towards the vastness of the universe.The answer is nothing, What helps better if you are locked in a room, screaming shouting and getting angry or a key to get out? Every problem needs to right key approuch to open up the door which will lead you to leave that problem behind you. In which afterwards you can lead your life into calmer waters. Chew chewing gum instead of smoking sigarettes, they used to chew gum in WW2 to become less tense, in fact i wish you would stop smoking all together and take long walks in nature where you can overthink the situation of your life and tune it so that you will lead a satisfacting life. You can think omg im going to lose my roots,but you could also think im going to move to a better place :). Which sounds much more positive and yes i know moving out is never nice if you are attached to the place where you live. And your parents probably didn't tell you because they were afraid it would upset you or felt it wasn't your decision to make, i feel its important that you ask them(in a always calm manner) why they didn't involve you in the process of the move, so you can tell them how upset this has made you, and what not.

    It seems clear that you didn't choose for the right woman in your life, i would like to remind you beautifull in the outside does not exclude psycho on the inside. And with that dog of yours, please treat animals gentle because they cannot defend their own rights, and becarefull (and this counts for a variety of situations) of what signals you send out to the outside world, you might show something that other people don't like to see, like in your brothers case who tried to strangle you, therefore guide the dog out in a proper way on a leash and not directly to the collar, and i want you to combine the long walks in nature with letting the dog out, it will relax you and the dog gets to have some fun. Also keep putting love and light into the lives of your loved ones, its unfortunate that she had a weird brother who acted like a sentinel for her.Its a lost case so I want you to close that chapter as its clearly over between the two of you, move on. And don't respond to her calls because you will get dragged back into that mess, so don't fall into that trap.

    Next i want you to aknowledge the following, the path of life is filled with landmines , avoiding trouble is better then healing from them. If you get hurt on the road its a painfull and time consuming issue to get back on track.

    Start making more compromisses instead of being absolute, If someone has a problem try to bargain for a solution with yourself and the other party before disasterous fights break out or you wreck the kitchen.

    Watch out, because life bites you like a viper under the grass when you least expect it you have to deflect all the hatred that is being thrown at you for a loving and peacefull solution, implement these things in your life, combined with anger management theraphy is what i advice for you.
     
  4. kitty

    kitty Uppity ass cat OT Supporter

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    Sorry, my eyes are sleepy, but look into this:
    "Also, I would like for it to be noted that in three days I've killed 8 packs of cigarettes (the stronger-but-not-strongest Marlboro Mediums), when usually it takes me two days to knock out 1 pack.

    That much nicotine isn't helping:hs:
     
  5. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Sounds like you need to distance yourself from the situation. I'd ignore the Jenna girl and her brother - remove them from your instant messenger lists and blog. For the rest of it.. well... one step at a time.
     
  6. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    The only thing I can say, which may not be of much help, is that self-control is a very powerful trait to have. It may take time, but when you lose your cool like that, you deny yourself opportunities to see what could be.

    If someone gets to you, it's because you let them, but you can control that.

    A long time ago, when I was like 6, I was in a bank with my mom. We were waiting in line for a teller. The guy at the window was yelling at the teller and the manager, just GOING OFF on them. It was crazy. I was totally scared of this guy. The teller and the manager stepped away for a minute, and he turned and saw me. I just about pissed my pants; he was the scariest man I think I had ever seen in my life.

    Right then, he looked back to see where the employees were (far away) and then looked back at me, smiled a BIG old smile, winked at me, and kind of jerked his head in the direction of the employees.

    At that moment in my life I realized that lots of people will use anger to trick people into getting what they want. If they make the other people scared or angry, they win. He was faking it!

    I've never let angry people bother me since then - unless impending physical harm is obviously impending. Then I remove myself from the situation.

    On *another* side note: When I got divorced a few decades later, I would yell at, beat, and basically abuse my dogs. Now years later, they still look up to me, come when I call, and are thrilled to see me when I get home. It's one of the only things I regret about my past. So, get your dog a tie-down or fix his enclosure, but stop beating him. Unless you catch him in the act, he thinks you're just beating him for no reason. And, dogs learn agression from their owners. Treat your dog nice before it attacks someone else and you've got a whole 'nother world of hurt.

    By the way, things get better, so give it some time. Start thinking, start being an adult, and the world will treat you like one.

    Best of luck dude!

    -J
     
  7. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    You're a teenager with no ability to control his anger, yeah? You're not just going to get better. Anger Management classes are for you.

    But you're probably not serious about changing yourself. You probably don't want to acknowledge that YOU, and noone else, are the problem.
     
  8. johan

    johan Active Member

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    The amount of anger oozing from your posts makes me think that you frighten many people IRL. And some of them react by becoming angry with you.

    Read the post directly above this one. 20 years from now you could either be in good circumstances and happy with your life and yourself, or your life could have gone directly down the toilet. It depends much on whether you heeded that post 20 years ago.

    I'm completely serious. You could spend 1000's of $ in therapy, only to receive the wisdom you just got for free.

    It's up to you to act on it.
     
  9. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    well... i read all that, so im sorry, but i have no attention span left to read any of the replies

    however, i'll add my own $0.02

    you should be just as angry at yourself as you are at the others (and yes, some of them do deserve it, others (like your REAL brother) you took it out on them (and the dog) because you were pissed off. you should apologize to those

    i suspect part of your extreme anger and frustration is that you ARE angry with yourself

    from what i saw, you basically allowed others to use you, while they gave you nothing in return. it also seems you're wising up to this and putting a stop to it. This will cause waves, and i guarantee most of your so-called friends wont be friends anymore, once you stop the gravy train.

    Honestly, you need to reevaluate each and every person, and decide whether you want them in your life or not, you're moving, which definitely makes it a lot easier to say 'fuck all of you anyways'

    Your family you should make an effort to reconcile with. Even if they did things to you, you also did things to them, you should apologize for those, and forgive them theirs (apologies are difficult, dont be surprised if they'd rather let it drift off into oblivion than bring it up again to apologize) but give them a new, fresh slate to start from

    when it comes to new friends, be giving, even be generous, but never bend over backwards to be there for them, until it's been demonstrated that they are close enough and good enough friends that they wont take advantage of it and would do it for you as well

    when it comes to dating, dont EVER try to be her friend. You do not want to be her friend, you want to be her boyfriend. if you begin by trying to be a friend, you will STAY a friend. that is what happened with the girl you liked, she essentially wanted what you could offer, but didnt want you, and since you were willing to give her everything anyways, she took it, the whole while complaining to others (including her bro) that she thought you were a creep, etc

    you cant blame the bro, he's just protecting his sis
     
  10. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Please find your dog a better home, one that doesn't require a holding pen. :wtf:

    I think you're a decent guy but obviously you have some major issues. Three times my parents moved me without even telling me. I was always glad to move but it definitely affected me negatively when I had to leave all of my friends.

    I know what it's like to be very angry as a youth. It didn't help me all that much back then and it has done nothing for my life since. If you want your life to become normal you're going to have to start by getting your own act together. This type of anger is not normal. It's possible to overcome but it takes effort.
     
  11. The Mighty Megatron

    The Mighty Megatron Secondborn of the best drummer known to man

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    I don't have much time, so I'm gonna make this short.

    I didn't beat/abuse/kill/molest/rape my dog. I didn't harm him in any way at all. I grabbed him by his collar (under the throat, not by the back of it), and tried to walk him to the pen (despite how angry I was). When he dug his feet in and resisted, I pulled so that the only thing that happened to him was a little drit under his claws.

    Also, I don't take my anger out on other people very often at all. I'm in psychotherapy services, and the only time I actually let out anger (save for the fistfight) is through my blog. I never yell, scream, hit, abuse or cause any harm to (mentally or physically) any being on this planet, except the occasional stationary, non-living object.

    That being said, I'll respond when I have more time. Thanks for all of your answers/suggestions, guys.

    EDIT: The holding pen is about 60'x100', and leashing laws prevent me from letting him run free. It's either put him in a pen, or chain him to a tree.
     
  12. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    i believe you didnt do much harm to your dog, but, fact of the matter is, you were angry enough to scare both your dog and your brother

    holding in your anger is not healthy, the simple fact that you are getting this angry over what is (essentially) small potatoes is evidence you are holding it back

    you need to find proper outlets for your anger before you break at the wrong moment on the wrong person
     
  13. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Destroying physical objects is a prelude to destroying living things. But hey, you're the main person who will pay for this negativity and anger that you are spreading all around you... I'm not near you, so why should I care?
     
  14. LiQuiD_FuSioN

    LiQuiD_FuSioN New Member

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    The retaliation you gave in your quote, I'm assuming it's from the blog, was a pretty good read. BUT, you should leave it alone after that. I mean, the stuff you said in that quote was good enough for a strictly online quarrel only, if you're going to say that to real life people in my opinion, that's a little daring to me.

    Everyone has bullshit in their life, no one is happy all the time. And I think the fighting was the breaking point.

    You've got some pretty good responses, it's not good to build up all that anger and keep it inside. You should really talk about these things with other people or even with strictly online friends. It helps you vent it out and just laught it off.
     
  15. wooty

    wooty New Member

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    Show some love :hsnono:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 18, 2005
  16. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    :nono: this is the asylum, OT behavior is to be left at the door
     
  17. wooty

    wooty New Member

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    Oh, so this is the serious grown up forum?

    Darketernal Yep, and since you are new here im not going to fall over this, yeah yeah i know how you feel however please try to give constructive help.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 18, 2005
  18. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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  19. wooty

    wooty New Member

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    I'm sorry for your loss, and completely relate to your pain Mega.

    DarketernalThat's a start, next time actually mean what you say. If you whisper it like that its hard for me to believe. Make me a believer. :cool:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 18, 2005
  20. The Mighty Megatron

    The Mighty Megatron Secondborn of the best drummer known to man

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    You rock Darketernal :love:

    Things seem to have calmed down over the past few days. The only reasons I can think of as to why I flared up like that woulc be
    A.) Overstressed about the move and life in general
    and
    B.) I'm a jackass.

    I really appreciate everyone's help. More times than any therapist or anger management class has the Asylum saved my skin. I regret the hell out of acting out the way I did towards everyone IRL. I look back at all of the rage that seemed to be radiating from me and I almost get scared :noes: Thanks again, everyone.

    Oh, and Peyomp, I've considered you a level-headed good buddy to me since I first came to the Asylum many moons ago, but your posts in this thread seem... hostile. Is something wrong? You know I'm here if you need the help, just like everyone else is.
     
  21. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    mega, thats good to hear, but with an outburst of rage like that, its a clear sign that you arent dealing with anger and frustration in a healthy manner. An anger management class might do you good, they arent as lame as you think they are (i was forced to take one, it actually wasnt the hippy love-fest i envisioned)

    do yourself a favor and dont hide from this, you have an opportunity to correct this before you go and do something you really regret (ie beat your future wife/future kids, etc)
     
  22. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I don't think you're taking your anger problems seriously. You need to deal with them, and not just brush them off. Anger will rot inside you.

    Anger Management Classes.
     
  23. wooty

    wooty New Member

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    I'M SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, AND COMPLETELY RELATE TO YOUR PAIN MEGA.
     
  24. The Mighty Megatron

    The Mighty Megatron Secondborn of the best drummer known to man

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    [/smartass]

    That's okay though. You be good in my book.

    Also, Peyomp and Novulae, I'm looking into some classes near here that I might be able to take. So far I've got a good one in mind that meets saturday nights @ 8 for two hours that looks interesting. I met the "over-seer" today and he said he's more than willing to help me push through this. Thanks again for shoving me along towards the greater path! :love:
     

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