ahh this is probably really dumb of me - v.gf-no cliffs.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by snoozeallday, Aug 6, 2007.

  1. snoozeallday

    snoozeallday OT Supporter

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    I've been with my girlfriend approaching 3 years.

    I was raised in a very non-Christian religious family. They aren't like that so much anymore, but my sisters and I have completely abandoned it. We follow no religion but we believe in God. I don't mean to offend anyone, its just my personal belief that organized religion is bullshit.

    My girlfriend was raised in a non-religious house. Her family is all Christian and her mother does occasionally go to church, but she never has and refused to.

    We have become quite serious and have discussed marriage and children etc. Not so much the children part but of course we have both thought about it.

    I've always had my mind set on the fact that I would talk about God with my kids, but I would always make the decision ultimately up to them, with no direct influence in one direction or the other. I absolutely never wanted to label my family a certain religion, because I know how hard that is to break away from based on my personal experience. Some parts of my childhood are always going to be embedded in me, however for the most part I have completely removed myself from organized religion.

    My girlfriend has a very impressionable mind. Let me explain a little without getting too confusing. Whenever she goes and stays with a friend or hangs out with just one person/group I can always tell that she takes a little from them. Her mind is like a sponge and she just sucks up everything around her, and it eventually changes her. I have never really discussed this with her directly, however I have mentioned it somewhat. The only thing that had me not saying it is that she eventually stops hanging out with the friends this has happened with, and it fades away. Now onto this weekend:

    She went out of town with 5 people (only one of which she knew, a coworker) for the weekend. The 5 people go to Church together. I knew this was going to happen again, and I feel really bad for the way I feel about it. I feel like its kind of selfish but she asked me if I would start going to church with her. :ugh: She knows that I am so set about organized religion and she knows how I feel about all of it. I don't even know why I asked, but she got all pissy with me when I told her there was no way.. saying "not even just to try?"

    She comes back tomorrow, and said she wanted to "talk" to me about something but not over the phone.

    I don't know what to do and its really fucking late so I don't know if I explained it well enough.. but there it is. I guess my main thoughts is this will eventually become a problem between us, and if it doesn't it definitely will if we ever do have kids. I'm in deep with this girl and I honestly have much love for her, but I worry about the future constantly.
     
  2. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    I've seen other couples have this similar problem. They all seem to handle it in the same way, Where the one that is into religion should repesct what the other thinks so Basically, your girl should respect the fact that you do not want anything to do with organized religion. If she wants to then that can be her thing but it does not have to be your thing too. You can tell her this and she just has to accept it. And usually if the girl loves and cares for the man then she will understand his stance and why he does not care for something.

    I had a question for you though....If/when you get married to a girl, Are you going to get married in a church??
     
  3. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I don't understand why she needs you to go to church for her to go to church
     
  4. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    well you said she has an open impressionable mind, so chances are you can make her see things your way if you do it in a calm, reasonable and loving way.

    Do not let anger or resentment from your past into it. Just explain how you feel about it. Let her know that everyone has their own journey and you have already given church a try and have decided that that is simply not in line with your own spiritual beliefs.

    try not to say anything bad about church or organized religion as it probably will not help.

    For you kids, just make it clear that you are adamant that everyone should have the choice and nobody should be forced to adopt a religion.

    Then just hope that simply going to church, which is somewhat ok i guess, doesn't turn into being a full blown holy roller bible thumper
     
  5. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    weak minded people piss me off. male or female. your girlfriend sounds weak minded. you on the other hand sound strong minded and set in your beliefs. your beliefs dont shift with the weather, that is excellent. your girlfriend may even try to dump you. maybe, maybe not but if she wants to talk to you in person theres a 30-50% chance she wants to break up with you. if that is the case, be thankful, very thankful. dont go to church with her, its boring anyways.
     
  6. snoozeallday

    snoozeallday OT Supporter

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    Thanks for the replies guys. Excellent.

    And about getting married in a church. Marriage is a whole other thing I have an opinion on, but I'm willing to suppress my feelings about that. I will probably get married outside and make sure they use words like "God" and nothing else.
     
  7. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    I think Abomb said it best, she is weak minded. If she is so easily persuaded to take on other peoples like, dislikes, interests, etc, how can you ever know who she really is? I dont think I could be with someone who didnt have their own identity.

    And agreed, there is no reason, besides selfishness, for her to ask, expect, hope, for you to come with her to church. That is a total disregard for your feelings.

    See what she wants to talk to you about, but you need to tell her that you, unlike her, are a strong, stable, rational person with your own thoughts and identity, and would appreciate that she not drag you into her identity crisis.
     
  8. nuhbaboji

    nuhbaboji New Member

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    i think there is a difference between beaing weak minded, and understanding. if you really like her, i think you should listen what she has to say. it does not mean you have to change your beliefs for her.
     

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