Age Gap?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by psyclone, Mar 9, 2009.

  1. psyclone

    psyclone o_O

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    I have been with my current girl for about 10months now - she is 18 and i am 24. Its the first time i have dated anyone more than two years older or younger than me. She acts and looks much older than is so its easy to forget how much of an age gap there is between us.

    So i am getting out of the party scene and distancing myself from some of my dodgier friends that going to get themselves in trouble if they havent already. Time for me to man up and get stuck into work as a young professional - buy a house ect. Problem is my girl is just starting to go out a fair bit and hang out with these dodgy old friends of mine. Which puts me in a hard position. We are slolwly growing apart because of it and i am starting to wonder if its time for me to end things and find someone a bit older...
     
  2. psyclone

    psyclone o_O

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    Yeah absolutely. I havent tried to push anything on her - i have just been letting it all go and its slowly becoming more and more of an issue. She flirts a rediculous amount with other guys too which doesnt make me feel any more secure about her going out without me.

    Its just so hard to end because the times we share one on one are so special.
     
  3. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    But hanging on isn't going to bring that back. Time to let it go.
     
  4. psyclone

    psyclone o_O

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    Yeah i talked to her about the flirting and she said she finds it easier to meet new people when she flirts. Funnily enough all her new friends are male. I guess the fact that it is becoming a bigger deal to me means we dont have a future. Thats hard for me to say...

    Is a relationship that has a few issues worse than no relationship at all though?
     
  5. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    No relationship > a relationship without common goals
     
  6. psyclone

    psyclone o_O

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    no relationship is greater than a relationship without common goals? I guess i know what i need to do... its just a matter of doing it. thanks heaps for your help guys :)
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2009
  7. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    Yes. How are you going to be a couple when you're going on opposite directions?
     
  8. psyclone

    psyclone o_O

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    Yeah - you make so much sense. i guess i could see us going similar directions in a few years, but for now we are going to go different directions and i dont think i want to be in a relationship under those conditions.

    Its going to be tough telling her that i dont want to be in a relationship with her while she is doing what she is - without it sounding like if she changes we would have a future. I think you are right Babylon. I dont want to limit her growth by discouraging her experiencing things that i already have. Just a case of bad timing i guess...
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Most likely this will be the end. When the girl is younger and on the upward slope of partying and fun while the guy is on the downward slope of partying and settling down it tends to become a disaster.
     
  10. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Wow, D7 and Babylon ftw!

    Great advice, i'd SERIOUSLY take what they said with a grain of salt.

    You and the SO are in two different times right now. You telling her not to party, go out etc, would force her to change who she is, changing the way she is growing up. It'd be unfair to her, as she is only 18 and needs to experience life.

    It does seem as you did a good job asking before actually telling her she shouldnt/couldnt go out.
     
  11. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    just tell her you are both moving in different directions. you both have the choice to do what you want to do. you are choosing to distance yourself from those friends and move forward while she is just getting into that phase of her life. neither of you need to change for the other, you just need to move on and find people more compatible right now. dont tell her you cant be with her because shes partying, just tell her you want to do something different
     
  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    that's not too bad. I thought you were gonna say "the girl I'm dating is 19 and I'm 19 and her last bf before me was 44" in which case I would say "daddy issues! abort! abort!"

    If she likes you tho who cares if it's 18 and 24. Like, she's 1/3 older than you and you probably won't last because you guys are at different places in your lives (you = in school still finding who you are, her = beginning her professional life), but it's worth a shot.

    EDIT - I read it backward, you're 24 she's 18. Yeah you won't last, she'll wanna party, you're becoming a professional.
     
  13. formul8

    formul8 New Member

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    I am going to save you a lot of heartache and trouble.

    My last GF was 19 and I was 29 when we started dating. We dated for 3.5 years and always had a feeling that she was going want to do the whole party and being single thing after she finished college. She always said I was the one, we would be together forever, etc. She always had guy friends, but I know she did not cheat on me. She flirted alot, but has low self esteem sometimes and needs the attention.

    She decided she needed to go do her thing last May. She has become this huge club girl and changed the way she looks, her friends, her actions, etc speak of someone doing quite a bit of partying. She says she "gets drunk and doesn't give a fuck about anything" and does some really slutty stuff.

    We are certainly in different places in life, but I still worry about her and her path. Your GF is going to go through some phase to find out who she is eventually. Probably before she hits 25 and before your relationship gets too serious.

    Good luck and don't get too serious with this one.
     
  14. knucks

    knucks Active Member

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    You're doing the right thing.
    I find myself unable to take any freshmen at my school seriously, and I'm ~3yrs older.
     
  15. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    I'd say if you hang on to it at this point, you're just going to make both of you miserable over time. Best to stop it now before things escalate in the relationship and make it even harder to end.
     
  16. psyclone

    psyclone o_O

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    Thanks for the advice guys :) I know what has to be done. Its just a matter of doing it now i guess. I think i will think about it for a week or two longer though. Just to make sure i have thought everything though properly before acting. Breaking up with her is easier said than done... :eek4:
     
  17. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    I've sort of been in a reverse situation.. A girl I know is 27 I'm 21 and she's been interested in me since I was 18. I always felt like I had different goals and wants especially in a relationship and never saw it working. For 3 years she's always kept minimal contact with me (even when she was dating some guy) but I can never see myself dating her.

    The fact that she's a lot older than me doesn't bother me, but I know it would be enough to stop the relationship from working simply because of our goals. Hopefully she realizes that you two have different priorities and you two can compromise, or you can come to an amicable breakup. You know what needs to be done, just update us with how it goes.
     
  18. teep

    teep New Member

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    damn. i'm 22 and feel like a creeper even taking to girls that are 18... but maybe you guys are on to something haha
     
  19. psyclone

    psyclone o_O

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    Ladies and Gentleman... i am now single :) As of an hour ago. im in shock still. Its over. Im kind of relieved - i knew it had to happen.

    Thanks for your advice everyone. i know what just happened was the right thing to do.

    :eek3::):hs:
     
  20. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Fucking DOT!

    Even in colleges, there is a huge maturity difference between Freshmen and Seniors (3-4 years is a lot at young ages).

    Any who, if she is unable to match your maturity, it might be time to move on.
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :bigthumb: Good job! You learned something valuable and that alone should be applauded
     
  22. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    :h5:
     
  23. BoypussY

    BoypussY game over.

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    good job man. sometimes it feels like a big weight off your shoulders.
     
  24. psyclone

    psyclone o_O

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    I still have butterflies in my stomach and have lost my appetite. Its a pity i cant just fast forward the getting over her period... lol. Positive reinforcement helps though - thanks guys :)
     
  25. psyclone

    psyclone o_O

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    I just got a message from her...

    this is after she sent me a message the night before last saying that she loved me. Im not sure what to say. I get the feeling she is just trying to get me back. She is blaming us breaking up on her stopping taking her anti-depressants a few weeks ago even though i explained all the reasons why i thought we should go our separate ways. I feel like i should be there for her but at the same time i want to distance myself from her so i can get over her fully
     

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