Age difference is cruical in certain age groups? chnage is big between these ages?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by quamen, Sep 20, 2006.

  1. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    The girl im currently dating is great, and everything is going pretty well. I have a problem somtimes attracting the younger girls, when im a little older. Im 24, and she is just turning 20. Most girls i seem to date are usually like 20 or 21 since i meet them at my college. Im still at school because i own a small company and also work for another company, so i take not to many credits so it takes forever.

    Anyways problem is, i like spending time with her as often as i can, but she made a comment last night. Like we dont go out enough, and she wants to go out more because she gets bored, (scary since we have only been dating less than 2 months). We typically go out and do things about 2 times a week, the other days we kinda just see each other and relax and watch tv/talk. Since my job is very demanding,and running a business takes time to, i do tend to get tired early in the night since i wake up so early, where as she doesnt. She works part time and goes to school part time, so has much more free time on her hands. So i cant go out like a normal college student many nights a week till late in the night/early morning cause i have responsiblities. Im looking to start my career soon/buy my own house etc so i have big goals right now. I explained this to her before, but i dont want to loose her either over this. Suggestions?

    I was thinkking about telling her to just spend more time with her firends during the week and we can just see each other less, since i cant really go out and do things till late during the week like she likes to.
     
  2. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

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    Always look out for #1. Your running your life, and it's good that you have big goals, managing a great deal of responsibility, and taking charge of your life. You "explained" this to her before, but did you actually communicate to her how extremely important it is that you run your life the way that you have been running it? Don't give up without a fight. Drive it home that she needs to understand that, and if she loves you, she'll support you.

    Run your life. She can understand and help you, or you can find someone who will.


    That being said, I agree with Style. You might not have time for a relationship right now.
     
  3. Isamu

    Isamu New Member

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    Freezin's the reason
    or you could just not worry about relationships now, since you seem to be more focused on your own business/work/school.. don't let a relationship hold you back from doing your thing..

    although.. how long have you been dating?
     
  4. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    :dunno: why not? I tell girls that all the time.. not becasue i cant keep up, but because they need to spend time blathering mindlessly to someone and id rather her friends share the burden
     
  5. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    i told her how important it is that i deal with things this way. I told her in my life i like and want to have certain type of lifestyle that im comfortable with. My number one goal now is finishing school, and buying a house not renting. So im trying to save as much as I can and finish school with good grades. i just never liked working those jobs unless i was much younger just to have enough or that anyone else can do it. I like the responsiblity and feeling i get from having a job that i know im appreciated and a business that has been a great sucess. I can understand what you guys are saying to about time and the relationship. I like to have that someone in my life to that we can both enjoy each others company etc.

    It just seems hard because i meet people at school all the time,but im one of the older kids it seems. Many of them which i find nothing wrong, go out alot, parties, play sports together, etc where i dont have time to really get to make friends with these people cause im so busy. I know i can change that if i want, but i feel that time of my life is kinda over and im almost 25 now, and should be looking to strart my career and get serious with my life.

    We have been together for 1 and half months which isnt long,but i developed feelings for her.
     
  6. mrs0323

    mrs0323 New Member

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    Seems to me you are in different places. She's still in the "get out and go" mode, nothing wrong with that. But you're doing school, running a biz and working. Unless you're hooked up with someone at that same stage, or a least working full time, she's gonna need to learn to entertain herself and recognize you have a demanding lifestyle that does not lend itself to party city. I would think 1 night a week out would be fine. Ya'll have not been together that long for her to start whining to you.

    I've run through this before myself as my guy is working full time and working on his Master's while I'm still going to school part time for my B.S. His schedule is much rougher than mine but due to some health issues for me, I get more tired than he does. He needs more sleep and I only sleep about 4 hours. So we had to adjust to what our limitations were, PLAN at least 1 date night a week and the rest of the time we hang out at his house or my house. You need to be very upfront with her and just tell her like it is. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
     
  7. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    thanks that what i explained to her before almost exactly mrs0323. that hey we can go out 1-2 nights a week and the rest instead of doing stuff,if u want to be together just spend time at my house or ill come by you. i dont have the energy or time to go out everynight and do stuff all the time. i believe even if we were together her doing her homework or whatever,and me doing homework/paperwork everything would be fine cause we are toghether. im going to communicate again with her today,but i was very up front about this 3 weeks ago.she makes me feel as if im boring, but i realize something that she doesnt. im a man almost 25, not that 19 year old i used to be who could do things like that. i remember at that time i was working part time about 4-5 hours per day and going to school full time. my mindset at that age and this age, i cant believe how i have changed from such a short period of time. i place higher priorities on different things that i never thought would happen,buti guess that is what happens when u get older.
     
  8. mrs0323

    mrs0323 New Member

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    me and my guy spend alot of time studying together. him usually at his desk and me on his couch. it's the time TOGETHER that matters, not what we're doing. yes, we make time for other stuff but we are both quite content just being in the same general vicinity.
    I think you mentioned she was in school too right? What about studying together and then taking some "breaks" from studying for 10-15 minutes every so often? That's what we do. Of course I don't know what your sexual relationship is like, since you're pretty much a new couple, but that 10-15 minutes can be very interesting and also rekindle a feeling of paying attention to eachother as a reward for getting your work done. If I get sick of taking notes or reading, I'll just stop and get a drink or go over and rub his neck or something. It doesn't mean we STOP doing what needs to be done, but a little diversion is nice.
    You're not boring, you're just more focused. I personally think that's great and if she doesn't, someone else will come along who will appreciate it.
    My daughter was like that at 20, but switched modes at 23 and got down to business. Her b/f is 22, 4 years younger than her, but they are both very driven and goal oriented like you are. They both just graduated in May and now he works full time, she works part time and is working on her masters.
    Keep us posted on how the convo with her goes. I'll be interested to hear what she has to say.
     
  9. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    i talked to her about it, and i told her how i am trying to make time for her and to see her more,but i cant go out that many nights a week because of my job schedule etc. i said i like seeing you,and i understand your schedule has alot more time than mine,so it is better when u dont feel like sitting around or u want to have more a exciting time, it is best that do just that in a very nice way. she agreeded and everything was fine about the topic,im glad we communicated together and i had to tell her to look at my schedule and see i just cant do it,even though i would love to.
     
  10. Tiberium

    Tiberium Active Member

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    I read half-way through the first post and realized that you need to dump her. You don't need a relationship right now so keep her on the side for sex.
     
  11. erobbins

    erobbins Active Member

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    there seems to be 2 breaks.. one around 18, and one around 22-23

    if youre under 18, or between 18 and 22-23ish, stay in your range :noes:

    above that it doesnt really matter
     
  12. BATMANs

    BATMANs New Member

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    somewhat OT:

    People that hang out with older more mature crowds/people tend to mature faster.

    females brains mature faster. By the time a female is 70 years old, she is 10 years mentally more mature than an average man of the same age.

    I have friends that are married with same age, younger than and older than and to sum it up, the men that are older than their wives by more than 5 years have a better marriage.

    The guys that have similar age or older wives tend to get in arguments more often or even worse, are their wives bitches.
     
  13. OhFourTwoThree

    OhFourTwoThree New Member

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    If I were you, I'd find someone who has the same priorities and lifestyle as you do.

    Your situation sounds a lot like my boyfriend's. His relationship with his ex went downhill partially because she was a partier but he is not. She didn't work but attended school full time and went out almost every night. She would get mad at him because he wouldn't want to go out clubbing on weeknights with her. He was working ten hours a day so I could totally understand why he would not want to be out drinking til 2 or 3 am.
     
  14. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Two things stood out to me:

    I think you need to pay attention to this in a BIG way. If you like her, then this is the one warning you are getting from her before she dumps you. You have to understand that most, if not all, women DO expect their man to be exciting, to be fun, and to spend time with them doing stuff that is fun at least a few times a week. The way you say you go out 1-2 times a week sounds very staid ("boring", "predictable", "overly structured") to me, and if that is how she feels as well, then you have a problem.

    I would say you need to pay attention to this. I would AVOID *talking* about it, because THAT'S more boring! Instead, do make an effort to see her, and when she brings it up just turn it back on her and tell her something flirty and funny - avoid getting negative, boring, etc.

    I personally would look for signs of her interest in you. Does she come to your place a few times a week? She should. Does she offer to make dinner while you work, so you can do what you need to do and then you can both spend time together? Sometimes this is not obvious to women, but if they do something while you work then she can spend more time with you. Suggest it to her gently, such as "Hey, I have some work to do, but if you were to make/get dinner tonight then I can finish my work early and then we can watch a movie. Or make a movie! :naughty: " Something like that.

    Get the fuck over that. I'm 37 and life is still amazing and fun. So long as you can pay your bills, you're happy, and you're being responsible you're fine. Meeting a good woman has a lot to do with that as well. But you know what strikes me?

    Here you are having problems with a personal relationship, and rather than invest MORE time in making it better, you're using the old "workaholic" excuse. You're working more, and pushing her away. Then, of course, you'll blame her, and work more and more. Pretty soon you'll be much older and unhappy that women are all so "demanding." The reality is that you DO need to balance work and social activities, and some times you have to make a concentrated effort to LISTEN to what your woman is saying.

    She's not saying anything other than "I like you, and because I like you I want to spend time with you. If you spend time with me, then I'll know you like me too." If you don't make an effort to realize how much you mean to her, she'll feel ignored and find some other man.

    Now if she is totally on some other planet as far as getting along, then cut her loose. But it seems like you enjoy her company, so I would say make an effort to study her actions and balance work and social activities a little more.
     
  15. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    thanks everyone!PocoDiablo u have a great response

    I appreciate this repsonse so much from everyone,but pocobiablo you hit it on the head. I think my girl actually respects the fact that I do have a job that is demanding and have time to spend with her,but not at those really late night hours. She always wants to spend time with me even if were both doing homework, just sitting and watching tv, going out or whatever the case might be. I have stopped bringing it up, and she made a comment that made me feel good. She was saying bascially that she doesnt mind i cant go out and do those things at those hours because she understands i work early in the morning. She enjoys the time when we have fun on weekends and then then short amount of time we see each other during the week at night. She seems pretty mature for her age as in understanding me situation and realizing im putting in time to see her and do care about her.







     
  16. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Of course she respects you. You're an adult, and even if you're a little busy some times, everyone wants to be with someone responsible, mature, etc. Keeping things fresh and exciting is also another trait of adulthood.

    The only thing I would point out is to always remember that when your SO complains about something, it's likely something different/deeper than what she is saying, so think hard about her actions and possible additional meanings. I find that my SO will complain about something, but it's really something much deeper and more meaningful.
     

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