LGBT Again? LOL

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by fraternitymemoirs12, Apr 19, 2005.

  1. fraternitymemoirs12

    fraternitymemoirs12 New Member

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    A silly little update...

    So after randomly coming out (albeit online) on this forum a couple months ago, well...not much has happened IRL. I'm assuming for most, compartmentalizing something like this is probably near impossible, but probably due to my personality type, it's (sadly?) really easy for me to do. Well, heck, of course that's what I want to believe, but it seems like no one around me has even the slightest idea.

    The impetus for the post last time was bioyuki, for reasons that only one member here knows (nothing sexual, no big deal). But the other day, I found out that someone I knew came out and I was totally :eek4: , as I did not see that coming at all, and the greatest irony was that I thought he was pretty hot the first time I met him, but I quickly pegged him as just one of the other 100 straight guys that I was lusting over. I'm still in utter disbelief.

    So I wrote him a vague e-mail (pseudo-e-mail addy, etc, etc) last night, still no response. The strangest thing is this morning I had breakfast with a good friend, and out of nowhere she brings up a certain traumatic incident that happened to include the one single time that I was alone with the guy. We had a good conversation...if we could only read each other's minds at the time.

    ...

    I'm confused. Very, very confused. Of course a third of me wants me to just run right to him and break down and have the whole coming out scene. Another third of me is appalled at that third and thinks that if anybody it should be my closest friends to hear first. And finally the dominant third says just to forget about it and to stop typing these silly posts.

    What really struck a chord with me was that after I first posted on this forum, I began to write on a Word file random things that I would want to share. And when I read this guy's blog entry, recounting why he was coming out, etc, it sounded exactly like what I was writing, we had identical thoughts and experiences and everything. Except that he's five months out and now having the time of his life, it seems.

    Everything just seems to be pointing towards just coming out, and after everything settles down in a week/month, life goes back to normal. Everything except:
    1) this nagging feeling inside that I actually want my own child - as they say, shit out of luck - no one can be that selfish, I suppose
    2) the parents. man, that will be abso-f-ing-lutely heartbreaking. And they're not doing so hot right now, so now (as if any time would be) is a bad time.

    Bleah, I tire myself by thinking of things that I never bother to think about.
     
  2. Ferron

    Ferron So yes, I'll see you there.

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    This is a tough process to deal with, but from your posts, it seems you are ready to do it.

    Addressing your two concerns:
    1) It is very possible for a gay male to have a biological child. If that is important to you, you will find the means to make it happen.
    2) If your parents truly loved you, they would want you to be happy. By not telling them, you are lying and sacrificing yourself for their happiness.

    Just remember, anyone that reacts negatively to this, probably wasn't worth having in your life.

    Good luck :hug:
     
  3. fraternitymemoirs12

    fraternitymemoirs12 New Member

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    And...

    Three months after my first post, I first came out to the guy that I was e-mailing, and then later that day to a friend that I thought I could trust (she's taken it unbelievably well). It's still weird when the two of us are with other friends and the inevitable rib about girls comes along, but yeah. I realize that I haven't felt at peace for more than a decade, and it's really a nice feeling.

    She asked me why I didn't do it sooner, that she would've understood and all, but it really was the need for an impetus. And one way or another, OT was it for me. So thanks for all of your comments back in the first thread. Who knows where this will go...I don't particularly feel the need to tell anyone else at this moment, but I'm sure with time I'll eventually even tell my parents. It certainly seems a lot more likely now...

    My friend made a great point - I was always worried that I'd never be able to have children for my parents - but she asked me whether my parents would be more saddened by not having grandchildren or the fact that their only child couldn't be happy with his life.

    Well, again, thanks for all the kind words. Best wishes for all of you!
     
  4. bioyuki

    bioyuki Ich habe Angst

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    :wtf::confused:

    Who are you? :o
     
  5. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    I think maybe somebody wants your pee-pee. :mamoru: :mamoru:
     
  6. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    Ferron hit the nail on the head.... Well said, Ferron!!!

    I can only add that life is too short to lie to the people in your life. And your life is yours to live, not your parents. So, start living the life you were given. Start taking the chances.

    Remember this saying: With great risk comes great reward. Risk the coming-out process... You will be rewarded 100-fold. I promise.
     
  7. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    Wow... who died and made you "metaphor guy"

    :fawk:
     
  8. sholnay

    sholnay New Member

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    actually, i believe the pope did. :rofl:
     
  9. fraternitymemoirs12

    fraternitymemoirs12 New Member

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    OK, full story.

    I was under a lot of stress this past February, and while I had kept the entire gay thing compartmentalized and hidden for about 10 years now, for some reason the stress intertwined with this side of my personal life and I started to seek a way out. It just so happens that around that time a friend broke rule #1 and told me about OT.

    So I stroll into this forum and find that everyone talks pretty intelligently and not everyone's trying to get into each others' pants (well, most of the time :mamoru: ). And lo and behold, I run into bioyuki's post about where he posts pictures of where he goes to school.

    My school.

    And I suppose it was this "duh!" revelation that of all the colleges in the world, Berkeley would be the one most receptive to this sort of...thing. After my first post, cedric was kind enough to PM me and we had a little convo that gave me insight on the whole coming out process.

    March came around and I was fine again. Then April, a week after essentially all my schoolwork came to an end, I ran into an old acquaintance's blog. He had come out about six months ago at that point, and as previously mentioned, not only was I completely shocked, I became pretty infatuated with him. Which doesn't last too long, but that's another story. :rolleyes:

    So I begin to randomly e-mail him, which leads to IMs, which of course leads to him finding out who I am. Out of a sense of guilt, I tell the friend that I had been planning to tell first all along the same day. She takes it pretty well (we had an interesting few days), and from there to now, nothing really happens. I told a teacher from back in high school, and she said she knew it all along, but it wasn't like she could really just come right up to me and ask. So that was cool too.

    Still yet to tell any of my straight guy friends, or more importantly, my parents.

    There. Hope this inspires somebody out there...there really is another life waiting to be lived once you have the guts (or if you can find someone who is willing to do it for you...) to come out of the closet.
     
  10. Wolf

    Wolf No one plans to take the path that brings you lowe

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    :) [/obvious]
     
  11. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    :bigthumb:
     
  12. sholnay

    sholnay New Member

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    i love this place.
     
  13. ExDelayed

    ExDelayed New Member

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  14. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Who says you can't have kids? Assuming you find the partner of your dreams, you could adopt, or even have a surrogate mother for your children.

    You're happy with who you are, your parents get grandkids... everyone wins. (Although, you should want kids for you, not for your parents...)

    edit: Congrats on having the guts to come out. :)
     

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