LGBT after sex :ugh: feeling?

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by frozenhubcap, Jun 5, 2006.

  1. frozenhubcap

    frozenhubcap New Member

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    So, I have a friend who I like... a ton. Everything about him is perfect for me. I can barely think of things we don't have in common. We even complain about the same things. Publicly, he's straight, but a lot of people doubt it.. just the way he acts sometimes screams "faaaaag."

    Anyway, one night we fooled around a bit, and he was enjoying everything, and I sure as hell was, but afterward, he said something to the effect of "that was pretty cool, and I had soem doubts about my sexuality, but now I'm pretty sure that I'm straight."

    I was pretty much crushed... a little bit depressed, and I was definitely not happy. He constantly flirted with me, and then him saying that nothing was there was incredibly depressing.

    Anyway, a few days ago, I was at his house with some people, and I was teasing him... After a while, once everyone else had fallen into a slumber, we eventually fooled around again, and he returned the favor this time.

    After we were finished, we cleaned up, and sat on his porch so he could smoke a ciggarette. He weas talking about how he really enjoys doing things, but after he's done he feels really terrible. "While we do things, I really enjoy it, but when I come, I'm thinking about women, and after we're done, I feel like I've done something so incredibly wrong. I feel terrible.. I mean. I don't know if I'm straight or bi, but I enjoy everything until it's finished."

    Has anyone else ever had an experience like this, or can anyone provide any advice? Idunno what to do. I really like him, and I really want to do more with him, but I don't want to make him feel bad or regret anything.
     
  2. MapleLeaf

    MapleLeaf New Member

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    The guilt, the feelings of disgust etc., are common in someone who is struggling with their sexuality. Coming out as a gay/lesbian/bi person is not just realising it but is also dealing with it.

    Remember society teaches us that being a glbt person is not a good thing; there is a lot of societal guilt and expectations that have to be processed before you come to terms with your sexuality and get comfortable in your own skin.

    It is easy for heterosexuals, they are created to the societal norm - God created us differently and we need to learn to accept that internally before we can expect others to accept that externally.
     
  3. frozenhubcap

    frozenhubcap New Member

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    thanks for the reply. Very good advice, I'll try to explain that to him.

    I'm jsut afraid I'm going to talk him into doing something he'll regret.
     
  4. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    Yea, I was there a few years ago... I would feel physically sick right after orgasm. It never happened when I fucked women, only after I was fucked by guys. At first, I thought it was a reaction to the lub....but it wasn't; it was me.

    I had to realize that what I was doing was okay, and natural, and acceptable. I had to deprogram all of that heteronormative backwash out of my system, and let go of the internalized homophobia. As a man, and as a man of color, I needed to come to terms with the fact that there is no set rule of thumb mandating how I should act, feel, love, or fuck. I set those standards.

    Armed with that particular enlightenment, I was free to be myself...no-matter how complex...
     
  5. ExDelayed

    ExDelayed New Member

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    I had an fwb that felt like that after sex. CoCo explained how to deal with it very well so I will leave it alone.
     
  6. scottjp

    scottjp New Member

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    I have a friend who I fool around with. He says publicly that he's straight, but to me he sometimes says he's bi or bi-curious.

    It's a strange situation. We act like a couple when we're alone, but as soon as we're around other people he acts as he normally would.

    We've only kissed a coupled of times very briefly, but have done many more other things. Though, I think kissing is probably the most intimate thing you can do.

    Anyway, frozenhubcap, just wanted to let you know that I'm in a similar situation. It's been like this for a good 6 months, and he does seem to be accepting it slowly.
     
  7. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    I used to get physically ill after I had sex with a man too... but I was just feeling intense guilt since I was very religious at the time and was trying to not be gay.

    Plus, the idea of coming out as a gay man was absolutely freaking me out.

    But, I never once thought of women to get off...

    So, he might be straight if he's thinking of women to get off...

    However, many many of us go through this. We fall in love with our best friend, or a good friend, and we are crushed when they don't return the affection like we hoped they would.

    Be VERY careful with your heart. You're treading very dangerous waters here because it's very possible that he is striaght (or most likely bisexual) and he may break this off...

    So protect yourself while he's trying to figure stuff out.

    I give him a LOT of credit for being so honest about his feelings with you. He's very confused and he doesn't want to hurt you. And so he's trying to let you know how he feels so that you don't get too invested.

    Follow his lead and let him come to his own realizations about his sexuality...
     
  8. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    Awesome advice in this thread. :o
     
  9. frozenhubcap

    frozenhubcap New Member

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    You guys are awwwesome. I just read all these replies and got kinda teary-eyed. You're the big brothers I've never had!

    I think I may just let him read this thread and try and figure things out for himself.

    Whatever happens, as long as he's my friend in the end, it'll be okay. :]
     
  10. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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  11. RyRy

    RyRy Active Member

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    I'm here for the gangbang!!! :hug: :love:
     
  12. ManyHamsters

    ManyHamsters There are necessary pursuits... but poetry, beauty

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  13. frozenhubcap

    frozenhubcap New Member

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    :wtc: He decided that I basically have no chance... It pretty much sucks.
     
  14. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    I'm sorry... But you'll find better.
     
  15. riddic1985

    riddic1985 New Member

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    Tell our friend that you like him... and if he doesnt like you then he should stop fooling around with you because all he's doing is dragging you down into a dark hole that you dont want to be in. Your feelings are well known to this site. and pretty much to him since you're doing things with him... but to me it sounds like he's using you to fufill his couriosity ( sp ) sorry to come down so hard. but tell him that he's fucking with ur head and you dont like it.
     
  16. bangbanger

    bangbanger Welcome To Banger Country.

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    That sucks man, I am straight but I also know what it is like being heart broken. It is one of the hardest things you can go through. But we all will be here in your time of need to comfert you.

    -bangbanger
     
  17. Priest Tango

    Priest Tango Custom User Tits

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    :hug:



    :rofl:
     
  18. Kakashi

    Kakashi I'm kind of a big deal.

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    Exactly.

    It's all about socialisation. Most people want to believe that homosexuality is wrong not because it is wrong, but because they want so badly to believe it's wrong.

    Another thing that annoys me is the whole "it's a choice" thing straight people throw around. They can believe what they want about gays and their supposed ability to "choose," but their beliefs do not change the facts. So, I ask them this: can you all of a sudden up and "choose" to become gay? Why or why not?

    As far as god is concerned, I laughed at that. Okay I'm assuming you're speaking of "the bible" version of "god".. it's so ironic when you think about it. I mean here we know gay people are born gay, god says being gay is wrong, and god created man. God is perfect, loving and just. So, god must be either a hypocrite, or made a mistake... hmmm... tough call.
     
  19. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    ...which is exactly why they hold so to the belief that sexuality is a choice. To admit that we were born queer would mandate their acceptance, or at least nullify their argument for the very reason that God is perfection.
     

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