After 3.5 years in a relationship, she tells me she never thought it was 'true love'

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by weezerfan, Jan 5, 2009.

  1. weezerfan

    weezerfan New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2002
    Messages:
    9,790
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    PA
    I made a thread a couple weeks ago about how my girlfriend of 3.5 years brain just exploded and killed our relationship....

    A little back story to this is during our relationship she would occasionally have doubts about us being meant for each other and I would talk to her about it and she would calm down and just put these feelings aside and things went back to normal without really changing anything in the relationship.

    Throughout the whole time she talked about marriage, having kids with me, our futures together, always said she loved me more than i loved her, and I was convinced she was the one for me

    At the beginning of December she must of had a nuke of feelings in her head and told me we needed a break, shortly after we met up for lunch and she told me that i'll find better and kinda hinted that we were over, during that weekend i really realized how much I took her for granted and was being really selfish in the relationship and I conveyed all of this to her on the phone, I kind of begged for a second chance, and said we should have no contact till next year and we will start over. She tentatively agreed and said if she got those feelings again then it definitely wasn't meant to be, and quickly hedged her bet saying that we must remain friends if it didn't work out.

    During the month apart I really realized a HUGE amount of stuff i wasn't doing to maintain the relationship and actually felt fucking great about myself and how when we start over it's going to be amazing.

    Then I noticed she deletes all my pics from her myspace account and I start killing myself over it, but I get over it and don't see it as much

    I call her January 1st and acted enthusiastic on the phone, telling her i would like to take her out to dinner tomorrow night and what time I should pick her up, she then says "why don't we meet somewhere, I'm not ready for that yet", which was huge blow to me. She then says, "I don't want to disappoint you, we agreed if i got those feelings again", yet another bad sign. Yet for some reason I remained optimistic.

    We meet were we first met for our first date and drive together to another town about 45 min away to go eat somewhere and the vibe of everything was completely off. To make a long story short on the way home she tells that she didn't think she was 'truly' in love with me. And every time she got those feelings she just pushed them aside and always thought it would get better. She claims her problem is that whenever a guy likes her and they mesh together a little she always thought it was meant to be, she did the same thing to me as she did to her ex-boyfriend. She just has no idea what she wanted, but now claims that she DOES now know, and its to find true love with someone without having those feelings haunt her...

    I'm just completely fucking blown away at how she could lead me on for 3.5 years? She thought at times she was in love with me but the feelings always came back to haunt her. The scary thing is I know exactly what I was doing wrong now and I won't have that second chance to actually see if it WAS in fact the problems I think, It's going to take a while to get over her.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Bummer. I remember your thread from a month ago and was pretty sure this is where it was heading, but sorry to hear.

    All I'm going to say is please don't rack your brain for months, years, etc. on "why did she change?" or "did she really love me?" and things like that. Those things don't really matter. Of course she "loved" you, she just fell out of love with you. She's young man. I hate to use it as the reason but it's the truth. Don't blame yourself because the fact of the matter is you just werent right for one another in the end, no matter how much you want to believe it.

    You need to cut ALL contact with her. Delete her from your Myspace or whatever so you aren't tempted to check up on her. Time to move on :hug:
     
  3. weezerfan

    weezerfan New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2002
    Messages:
    9,790
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    PA
    Yea I did the burning of every picture, and smashing of most things that reminded me of her, deleted her from my phone, and sent her a farewell email today wishing her good luck in life and everything
     
  4. giz

    giz Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2004
    Messages:
    15,634
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    salt lake
    absolutely hate stories like this, sorry to hear it man. :hs:

    time heals
     
  5. weezerfan

    weezerfan New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2002
    Messages:
    9,790
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    PA
    One thing that is worth noting is, I would consider her a kind of sheltered girl...never has really been out on her own at all and is extremely family oriented, doesn't have too many friends....probably 2 or 3 she stays in contact with regularly. I felt like she almost actually believes when she watches movies and see's the type of unrealistic romance and fairytale garble, that she can actually attain that and find a romeo of some sorts like this.

    Nearing the end she would nag at me about not saying she looked nice, or not listening to her, or not coming over some nights when I had a lot of school work.

    Perhaps she just needs a reality check, and she'll see when she starts dating other guys that something like that really isn't going to happen, and how good I really was to her

    Who knows :hs:
     
  6. automatic

    automatic Maximum Effort OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2008
    Messages:
    30,256
    Likes Received:
    160
    Location:
    Best Coast West Coast
  7. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

    Joined:
    May 14, 2005
    Messages:
    15,613
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Francisco
    sucks man but move on without looking back.
    there will be a time when you think to give it another chance and she will be willing to as well. in fact, she may initiate it.

    do NOT go for it. this girl isn't the one for you.

    Edit:
    there you go. she's going to date a few guys before she's ready to and then come crawling back. you'll feel great about yourself and take her back and things will be great for a few months.

    then she'll start acting weird again and you will start having these 'talks' again. eventually she'll start crying and break it off.

    been there.
     
  8. weezerfan

    weezerfan New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2002
    Messages:
    9,790
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    PA
    I hear you man, a part me just see's this as a learning experience that made me a stronger person

    Another part of me just wishes I had a time machine to go back and see if I had acted differently what would of happened :hs:
     
  9. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

    Joined:
    May 14, 2005
    Messages:
    15,613
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Francisco
    you can act differently with the next girl.

    this one isn't the one.
     
  10. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2008
    Messages:
    6,484
    Likes Received:
    1
    :werd:
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    She sounds like the kind of naive girl that believes in shit like that. I call it a "Princess complex." This is why even the guy she dated seriously before you wasn't good enough. I've met many women like her and even when they do settle down they aren't happy. Be glad you are rid of her for that reason.
     
  12. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2008
    Messages:
    755
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    sorry to hear :(


    if it makes you feel any better, I had a friend that was in a relationship for 8 years that went poof. They both moved on, and were much happier. It was weird for me after though, because I now had two separate friends suddenly.


    When all else goes bad, at the end of the day, it all happened for a reason and all you can do is move on and do the best you can to learn how to improve next time
     
  13. Grimey

    Grimey New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2006
    Messages:
    55,016
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
  14. weezerfan

    weezerfan New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2002
    Messages:
    9,790
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    PA
    Yea I think she may have that complex, she once told me she wanted me to watch "The Notebook" to get ideas from it :rofl:

    I mean sometimes I would come over at night, and if I didn't come right over and hug her...it would eat at her...

    She had a spiritual thing going on as well, for instance when she was debating on what to do during our 'break', she said she asked God for a sign.....then she said she was reading a Jessica Simpson article in a magazine and her saying how it didn't work out with Nick and others because she used to date guys she wanted to 'change', and then applied this to what was happening to us.....and used this as her sign from God....
     
  15. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA

    you really think that sort of stuff is unrealistic fairytale garbage? :rofl: :hsugh:
     
  16. weezerfan

    weezerfan New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2002
    Messages:
    9,790
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    PA
    it was way exaggerated, I told her that if i said she looked nice every time we went out it would lose it's value and meaning, and that she looked beautiful all the time, and the not listening to her part was just basic shit like she wanted me to wear a shirt or something and I would't want to because what I had on was fine or not driving to someones house the way she wanted to go
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    :barf:

    Yeah, I'd walk away and be glad to be away from that.
     
  18. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,238
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    ok, its official, you are better off without her.

    Good luck getting through the tough part quickly :hs:
     
  19. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    59,957
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Go Dodger Blue!
    I remember from the pics you've posted she's quite pretty, but she's headed down a rabbit hole she'll never crawl out of.
     
  20. formul8

    formul8 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    0
    I am an almost the same situation.

    I'll tell you this: erase her from you social sites, put your pics on a CD-ROM and off your comp, get rid of any and all reminders and do not contact or reply to her.

    You will save yourself some big headaches.
     
  21. Junior

    Junior New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2008
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    LOL, this flags a little crazy/unstable to me. It sounds like she has no confidence in her own ability to evaluate relationships if she's turning to ridiculous crap like that to do it for her. She's definitely got a warped sense of how romance works and unfortunately you had to be on the receiving end of it. Anyways, it's a cliché around here but in this case, you really are better off without her.

    :hug:
     
  22. coldstone

    coldstone New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2008
    Messages:
    12,298
    Likes Received:
    0
    Sorry to hear that, bro, but be glad she isn't in your life any more. She sounds kind of crazy.

    On a side note, I still don't get how women fall out of love so easily.
     
  23. weezerfan

    weezerfan New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2002
    Messages:
    9,790
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    PA
    it was seriously like a day to day thing with her, the day before she wanted a break we had great sex and she let out the typical line, 'i love you more' etc.

    Then later that night she wanted me to come over and I said I was tired and already sleeping, and fucking bam...the next day she gets feelings of doubt and whatnot

    Some other shit she would freak on would be like...one time she got free Sixers tickets for my birthday, and the game was on the same night as the Phillies championship parade, so I said something in the nature of "holy shit we might not even get there cause of traffic", and she took this as me being completely selfish and not appreciating her gift and not really wanting to go.

    This SAME shit happened when we went to the Beach for a weekend and I was saying how it's going to rain the one day hard as balls and maybe we should reschedule, once again she thinks I don't want to be there with her, and she starts acting like a bitch towards me only on the assumption that she thinks I don't really want to go
     
  24. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

    Joined:
    May 14, 2005
    Messages:
    15,613
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Francisco
    i think it has something to do with the different emphasis men and women place on having steady sex in their lives. i haven't quite figured out the details, but basically, men can be jaded about whether they fall out of love or not IF they are consistently getting pussy from a hot girl.
    girls on the other hand, tend to look past it.

    what do you guys think?
     
  25. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1,816
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CdM, CA
    DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a jessica simpson fan and there is no question that your ex has the princess complex however....

    as retarted as it might sound, i kinda agree that this could have been her sign from God about you two. She was dating you but wanted to change you. thats never healthy. this article told her to stop dating people she wanted to change. thats a pretty healthy realization on her part

    be happy that you are now free to find someone who is a better match for you, since she doesnt sound like she was
     

Share This Page