Afraid

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by anonymous, Aug 3, 2005.

  1. anonymous

    anonymous New Member

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    I'm having the opposite problem of Insomniac (http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=1943622)

    My SO wanted to end the relationship because he's too afraid to get hurt and would rather hurt now than fall too hard later and be hurt even more. He's had some rough relationships in the past and has convinced himself that all relationships end at one point or another so he'd rather end it now, while we are friends, than later when (and if) it gets to the point where we start to hate each other's guts.
    Our issues are very minor and things that can be worked out. We get along perfectly and I know from his actions that he cares about me just as much as (if not more) I care about him. However, I feel that sometimes he purposely doesn't try to work on it because he wants to push my buttons and make me walk to prove his point that relationships really don't work. I keep telling him that I want to be here and that I want this to work.
    I feel like because he's been hurt so badly before that our relationship never got the fair chance it should have gotten when it started because he already has all these reserves and beliefs about relationships and how they don't work. We're both good people, only he happens to always get the short end of the stick in life.
    I know this can work and I know neither of us will purposely do anything to try to hurt the other. I wish I could somehow convince him that this one will be different.

    My question is, is there any way for me to convince him of that?
     
  2. Peeps

    Peeps New Member

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    The only way to convince him is to prove it to him, and that will take lots of time. I have had many bad relationships in the past and I used to feel the same way your bf does. It took a long long long time for me to realize that the relationship I am in now is different then the ones in the past. Those insecure feeling still surface every now and then but not nearly as much as they did before. You just have to be patient with him and take things slowly.
     
  3. ProneToEpisodes

    ProneToEpisodes New Member

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    Walk away from him.... He will either realize he wants to be with you, and try to get you back, or he will be doing you a huge favor of letting you go so you can place yourself back in circulation and move on.
     
  4. anonymous

    anonymous New Member

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    This is where I'm torn because I see and understand both even though both your suggestions are like the complete opposite. He compares our relationship to the ones he's had in the past. He says things were going great, they had hopes and dreams, etc and then out of the blue they do something to hurt him. So while things are going good between us, he wants to end it now because he cares about me and wants to continue caring about me before things may get ugly and we turn into enemies.

    We tried to be friends but it was too hard for me so I told him that I can't do it and would rather take the easy way out by just walk away because knowing that we may not be together hurts too much. At the same time I still care about him and want to be there for him because I know he has a lot of shit to deal with and I want him to be able to comfortably come to me for help if he needs me.
     
  5. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    what are your ages? maybe try agani when you are older?
     
  6. gookarachie

    gookarachie New Member

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    The best you can do is be there for him.

    Be carfull though. This relationship could turn for the worst. By him saying that he doesn't want to get hurt you are going to be more submisive to his taunting and requests and the whole poor me thing. Be warry that this doesn't turn into an abusive relationship.
     
  7. TheMyth

    TheMyth New Member

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    If you feel he's worth it then stick by him. Make him see things from your point of view, that by ending it now to save himself from hurt he's hurting you in the exact way he doesnt want to be hurt. Get him to see that you want to be with him and that you want to have a future with him and that hes come out of the blue and ended that and its not for any reason.

    At some point he has to take a risk with a girl and stay, and make sure he realises that youre taking that exact same risk and that youre doing it because you think hes worth it.
     
  8. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Not much you can do here, you can try and convince him that its worth taking the risk, or you can walk off and hope he wakes up to the mistake later.
     
  9. gookarachie

    gookarachie New Member

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    Tell him that nobody gets ahead in life without taking risks, and sometimes you just get hurt.
     
  10. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    I agree, if you love something sometimes you have to let it go.
     
  11. danison

    danison The Contrarian

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    He has to realize it. You cannot convince him of anything. He will either come around or he won't, you don't need to be waiting around waiting. Move on.
     
  12. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    QFT

    If he has this idea that something is going to fail, in someway he will make it fail. It's subconcious. Until he realizes that somethings can be different, it's never going to work.
     

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