Advice

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Bounty15, Feb 22, 2006.

  1. Bounty15

    Bounty15 OT Supporter

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    The story: My girlfriend cheated on her last serious boyfriend and told him. He broke it off. They were together for 2 months, knew each other longer. She and I had a rocky relationship, not very serious, for 5 months, eventually breaking up. However, we got back together after 2 months and have now been going out for 10 months. Within the first two months of this new relationship, she was partying with her coworkers quite frequently while I was away doing work for the summer. She acted distant until she moved on from her summer job and her coworkers left. Anyway, over the course of a week and a half, my "girlfriend" drunkingly kissed another guy that she became friendly with. She did this three different nights. She says she never slept with him though, and I believe her. She claims she never told me because she was afraid of losing me and decided that I was "the one" she wanted to be with. Though we have been apart for some of the other 8 months, I have no doubt that she has been loyal due to the sheer amount of time we have spent on the phone and for other reasons. Previously I had been the person paying for plane tickets, meals, rooms, etc. Since I discovered she had cheated on me, she has promised to stop drinking. She said she will cover any expenses necessary to come see me or for me to come see her. She apologized profusely, and says she will do whatever it takes for me to trust her again. She has even offered to follow me to my next job so we can be in the same house/apartment. Sparing the details, this would be a big sacrifice considering what she had wanted to do career wise. She is willing to put off grad school until we get settled.

    My question is, should I stay with her? She and I are perfect when we are around each other. We make each other laugh, we comfort each other, and having known each other for 5 years consider each other best friends. I have to say that our relationship has matured significantly and things are much more serious than they were during those two months. However, I don't know if that should even matter.

    So... should I stay or should I go?
     
  2. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    She can't control herself. A kiss now, then what later?

    Don't blind yourself by your emotions, move on my friend.
     
  3. low20

    low20 Member

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    i would go but thats me...it takes me a long time to trust someone, and if they betray it by doing something like that, then forget it. She shoulda thought about it while/before she cheated rather than afterward, and now trying to "buy" you back.
     
  4. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Mind if I tear this one apart?

    A breakup should always be final because it often signifies serious problems not with other issues (whatever you broke up about) but a lack of compatibility between then man and the woman. Chance are you lacked one of what I consider three of the most important traits of being a mature man: Self-control, self-confidence, and being a challenge. So, if you fought a lot, chances are you lacked self-confidence. In addition, if all you did was to fight, then you were boring (anti-challenge) and that's just plain no fun. So, in a word, you should have stayed apart.

    Red flag - I bet she was cheating on you. Distant? A woman who has a high interest level in her man would never be distant. She would want to spend time with him. THis is something you did not pay attention to, in my opinion.

    STOP. Right. There.

    You're done. She cheating on you, plain and simple. She is doing this as a step up from being distant. You were supposed to pick up on the red flag of being distant, but did not so now she had to make it MORE apparent that she is ready for you to act like a man and dump her. This is what men do - they dump cheaters. So, this is ANOTHER red flag, are you seeing it? Remember, she went out drinking, with a guy, and got trashed and into a situation where something could go wrong. If she were really into you, it's highly unlikely she would (1) not spend time with other men (2) drink with them (3) get into a situation where she'd be kissing them. Hello????? :sadwavey: Are you paying attention? Time to dump her.

    How many times do you need to have this happen before you dump her?

    Excuse me if you think this is rude but ....

    Bwaaahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa! :rofl:

    Not a chance. She's getting emotional support from you and sexual support (flirting, kissing, etc.) from the other guys. The best of both worlds, and any guy involved with her is a sucker.

    Phone is friendzone.

    Oh, gotcha, you are her free ride. Would she still love you if you stopped paying her way? I bet not.

    Actions speak louder than words. She's TOTALLY disrespected you, you're a laughing stock to any guy who knows her, and you're a sucker. Nothing personal dude, because *I've* been there, done that, and you are getting taken for a ride.

    No matter what she says, her ACTIONS are what you need to believe. You like her, right? Have you cheated on her? Of course not! You haven't done anything stupid like that. So why in the world would you REWARD her for being a liar and a cheater? That just means she knows she can TOTALLY take advantage of you and do it again, and again, and again. You should NEVER reward a liar and a cheater, because there are SO many honest and wonderful women out there that would treat you like the good man you are. She does not deserve any of your time, effort, respect, or understanding.

    Go.

    Read this article I wrote, which address many of the same issues you are going through:

    http://www.friendzoned.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4

    She's hit red flag after red flag from what I can tell. Me, I'd drop her so fast that the universe would open up a new black hole.

    Oh, and you can bet when you do dump her and never talk to her again, she's going to try every trick in the book (begging, crying, etc.) to get you to cave in. If you cave, you really are a sucker.

    Be mature about this - no mature man would allow anyone to treat them like this. She spit in your face, so to speak, three times or more.

    Or, you can learn this the hard way, like I did - I got an STD (curable, luckily) and she'll lie about that too.

    Your choice.

    Good luck.

    If you have truly known her for 5 years and she did this to you, what do you think is going to happen in another 5 years?
     
  5. parfaite3

    parfaite3 New Member

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    You clearly care about her. I have been cheated on twice in my life, and it is one of the most painful experiences anyone can emotionally experience in a relationship, and I know that. That being said, I think you already seem to be decided on the issue: you're going to let it slide this time. I can tell. Because I know what i sounded like when it happened to me. But this is why I think it's ok: Let it go once. ONCE. Let the time with her exboyfriend be a sort of mini-strike. She didnt do it to you that time, and you didn't know her, so in some ways its none of your business. But now that she HAS done it to you, let that be the second strike because she had a history of this, and she didn't learn from her mistake the first time. Give her a 3rd chance overall, and a second chance with you. If it happens again, she's done. If not, then great! Also, you're allowed to change your mind. If you decide to get back together, and she doesn't cheat on you again, and you decide you still don't trust her, break it off then. It's not fair for either of you to be in a relationhsip w/out trust. So after all that I say give it a shot, but be cautious. Not jealous. Cautious.
     
  6. Bounty15

    Bounty15 OT Supporter

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    I'm amazed at how good some of you people are. Thanks for the replys, especially parfaite and paco
     

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