Advice por favor.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Grass, Feb 26, 2008.

  1. Grass

    Grass New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2003
    Messages:
    31,124
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NY
    Okay, here is the situation. I'll try to keep it short and sweet.

    I was dating this girl "R," for 1.5 years. I started dating her about 5 months after I had ended a previous 1.5 year relationship.

    Me and "R" didn't have much in common, but we got along, and we lived next to each other in the dorms, so we saw a lot of each other. I got used to having her around, so at the end of the semester, I asked her out.

    The relationship continued along, and things were fine. Just fine, nothing special or spectacular. I consider myself a fairly interested and intellectual person, and not that she was against this, but I couldn't connect to her on any meaningful level along these lines, and that always bothered me.

    Nonetheless, she was cute and kind and friendly, the sex was good, so we kept going.

    Two months ago I went on a trip to Israel where I met another girl, "K" who seems to be everything that I want in a girl. Very attractive, and willing to go beneath the surface and just be more involved and interested in life and reality than R ever could be. She is genuinely curious, likes to learn, is funny, etc. Everything I've always told myself I've wanted.

    I end up cheating on R. When I get back home, I promise myself to never tell her, because I don't want to crush her. I figure I would be able to deal with the guilt.

    Apparently, I couldn't. One night I had a panic attack and simply I had to tell her. I did, and then I left her. She still wants to be with me, despite the fact I cheated on her.

    I started hanging out with K more, although she lives ~3 hours away, we've been finding ways to make it work. However, when I visited her this past weekend at her place, things felt a little weird.

    I simply can't handle intimacy right now. Emotional intimacy and being close to someone and just being in that "couple frame" makes me feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Kissing constantly, spending hours lounging and doing nothing in her room, etc., I just can't do it. But since K is cool, and can deal with honesty, I told her exactly what I was feeling.

    Now she says she feels self-conscious around me, and to be honest, I feel strange talking to her now. She really likes me, and I really like her, but something feels very wrong. I don't know where the unease is coming from, but I think it's from the simple fact that I didn't really give myself any time between these two girls.

    Also: Me and K, right after the Israel trip, were still coming off our "high" of meeting each other and booked a road trip for May. Now, things are just weird, and the whole looming prospect of the non-refundable trip adds to the confusion. I don't know if I just want things to work out so I don't waste all my money on airfare, etc.

    Sometimes I still think about R, and I miss her, but I think that's simply because I'm used to her, and I'm at an unstable point right now, so I naturally look for security.

    I don't know where I should go from this point. I don't even have a question to ask you guys, I'd just love to hear some third party perspective.

    Thanks.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    It's all too fast. I'm glad you broke things off with R, that was the right thing to do, but immediately trying to start something with K isn't the best idea and you are obviously feeling that now. What you had on your trip is common...then the real world sets in and you those "high" feelings you felt turn into realization of what you want and what you really can have with this girl.

    And yes, missing the comfort of a long term relationship is common, but for the love of god, DO NOT go back to R. You're not in love with her and you know it. Not to mention you cheated on her and even though she was willing to take you back shit would never work out.

    Why not just take a fucking break from women? Be single, figure out what you want and what is right for you and then casually meet women along the way. You've been in non-stop relationships for the last 3 years during important years in your life that you need to discover who you are and what you will be.
     
  3. Grass

    Grass New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2003
    Messages:
    31,124
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NY
    God damn I'm glad I made this thread.

    Thanks dudes.
     
  4. Grass

    Grass New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2003
    Messages:
    31,124
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NY
    But wait, what do I do about the trip we planned? I feel like I can still go on it and have a fun time, because she's the type of person I want to travel with.

    Maybe tell her what's up and see her sparingly until then?
     
  5. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Why do I keep seeing threads like this? "I feel bad, it feels wrong, Vag, should I keep doing it?" NO! If it makes you feel wrong or bad, DON'T DO IT! That's your body/mind telling you that it is not good for you at the moment.
     
  6. Grass

    Grass New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2003
    Messages:
    31,124
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NY
    Yeah, but my mind is also telling me that this girl has everything I've told myself I've wanted. So I'm not in a rush to get rid of it.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    You have the power to do whatever you want. If you want to go on this trip with her and have a great time then DO that. If it gets awkward for some reason or you get in a fight over "what are we?" then you can tell her what you are telling us. That you care about her but you are feeling rushed. You haven't been single in over 3 years now and even though she's everything you want you can't be in a committed relationship at the moment. If she tells you that's all she can have then obviously you two aren't on the same page and you aren't right for each other right now. Starting a relationship has a lot to do with timing.

    If you are telling us you truly dont feel ready for a serious relationship of any kind (which I don't fucking blame you) then you have to tell her so, then keep up contact with her here and there. I mean she lives 3 hours away as it is. I'm sure if you just casually dated around your area you meet a girl you liked just as much.
     
  8. Grass

    Grass New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2003
    Messages:
    31,124
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NY
    Dude you should be a therapist or something.

    Thanks again. Fresh perspective is always helpful, especially when it just confirms everything I already know.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    :) Hope I can help in some way. Just remember you hold the key to making your life the way you want it.
     
  10. doubleb23

    doubleb23 Ooooo

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2001
    Messages:
    1,254
    Likes Received:
    0
    I can relate to this really well with meeting someone while traveling, etc. - although I'm not sure what advice I can offer.

    It sounds like with R, you wanted someone around and wanted to get laid, and why not with someone who you genuinely care about like R? Not a bad situation, but..

    With K, it sounds like you are really interested and excited about her and her personality, which is a great foundation to start something with. You guys have already traveled together, so give it another shot with her. Maybe try to step back and think about the best way to handle her and go from there - you'll kick yourself later if you don't try to make it happen with her.
     
  11. doubleb23

    doubleb23 Ooooo

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2001
    Messages:
    1,254
    Likes Received:
    0
    And as far as not wanting to get into something serious, occasionally seeing a girl who lives farther away might be a nice way to still have closeness, fun, ass, etc. without having to feel overly comitted.
     

Share This Page