SRS Advice On Suicidal Feelings (Anonymous)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by METALLlC BLUE, Jun 7, 2009.


    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Jun 22, 2007
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    I need some simple advice, well, I think it's simple. I have been suicidal in the past, tried ODing at one point and I never bothered to go to any follow up appointments. Don't really have a legit reason, was just lazy as shit.

    Currently I am back to my suicidal thoughts. I'm currently living on friends couches and jumping around. The reason, to make it short, my mom kicked me out of her house while I was dating my girlfriend at the time. she was going to let me stay there for 2 weeks, it turned into 3 months. We broke up a month ago, so I had to move out. My mom threw out the bed frame and mattress I was sleeping on to turn the room into an office. So I started running around looking for places to stay. I've usually been one to get over a break up easily. 2 weeks max and im over her. I find myself still fighting back stupid emotions with this woman. I finally deleted her cell number out of my phone so that should be a big help.

    I am reaching a point where 2 of the couches I had to stay on are now gone. Her and another friend who is moving soon. The guys house im at now ive been here for 8...9 days so I gotta leave this week (I can come back Friday night, but finding a place to stay monday night through thursday night is an issue). Let me also point out I got fired 3 days after my girlfriend at the time broke up with me. I just found a new job memorial day weekend. My first check will arrive this friday.

    I am trying to get into the Air Force. I think it will be good for me. I'm short tempered, angry, depressed, you name it. One moment I can be the nicest, most out going person in the world, and literally in a snap of your fingers I can blow up and start throwing punches for no logical reason in the world. I feel like the Air Force supplies a lot of positive things in this world. I will learn discipline, respect, patience, how to deal with situations better. I think its good for me.

    Here is my problem. I am getting more suicidal thoughts lately. I had some expired drugs on my tongue last weekend before i talked my way out of it because I wasnt sure how blood thinner drugs from 2 years ago would react with alcohol. If I knew for a fact it would have killed me, I know I would have taken it. Period. So I am back to these thoughts, wondering WTF to do. I have vengeful and hateful feelings towards my ex for various reasons and I just want to hurt people in general. I havent' gotten into a fight in 8....9 months and
    I want to continue this fightless streak. But I am finding myself getting back to a point of shoving people at a bar, club, hell a mall and ill throw my elbow up, if someone as much as bumps into me. Its pathetic.

    I found some depression support groups here in Atlanta that meet 6 times a month and I am trying to talk myself into going. If the Air Force wasn't so high on super background checks I would go seek professional help. So this support group is my next best option.

    But now I started having second guesses about the military. I feel it might be a better idea to go seek professional help and get better for the next year or two and look into the army. I am 26, AF stops at 27. Army at 40. Maybe between now and then i'll make enough money at my job ill be happier. Who knows. I hve a job that I actually enjoy doing, its in my area of expertise dealing with pro athletes and sports and that sort of thing. But I really want to go to the military, i find it will be beneficial for me.

    I just don't know what to do. I want to fight through this suicidal thing, but I want to kill myself. I want to go to themilitary, but i dont know if mentally im prepared for it. Its going to take another month for me to save up enough money to rent out a room somewhere (I am driving illegally, expired tags and all, cost me $300 to get straight so my first pay check is going entirely to my vehicle). Its stressful, I can't think straight. I need some fucking advice before I finally blow, again.
  2. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Jun 6, 2006
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    There will be physical requirements for any branch of the military. Are you working out? IF not, do so. It will not only help you prepare for military service it will help you emotionally.

    Be patient...don't quit before the miracle happens.

    NOONE will be able to straighten out their life overnight. You're doing some things working and looking for longer term solutions (like military). These are're further along than a lot of people you're age even if it doesn't feel like it.

    One thing I've always told myself, particularly in difficult times is, It's not where you are but wher you're headed. When you're in hell it's really difficult to believe that things will get better but they will. You work for it and never give might look back in 5-10 years and be really surprised at where you are.

    Ever heard of Anthony Robbins? Go to the library and rent his motivational tapes. Look if you're going to kill yourself might as well do all sorts of crazy shit before you start your own business (if you don't know how, go to the library), start running and go to the YMCA - enter some classes (yes tell them you can't afford the membership). THere's tons of stuff you can do.....if you don't "want to" fuck that....force yourself to get off your ass and go do it.

    And whatever you do...don't kill yourself. That's just chickenshit.

    Good luck.
  3. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

    Oct 15, 2002
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    Meditate. Do it frequently. Apparently as of yesterday I'm going through a big breakup. When it comes to coping with this dramatic turn of events, I am thinking: Working out, meditating, reading and hanging with my buddy.

    I am really thinking of meditating up to 6 hours per day. That's a lot of time, and it's because I want to view every thought and feeling that is going to come up and confront it as consciously as possible, see how it operates, try to completely comprehend what it is and how it affects me, and then attempt to eliminate it.

    When I look in the mirror I feel like a monster some times. And it's not appearance either, it's when I look into my eyes. It can hurt and we can have thoughts of self harm.

    Meditation is also a way to eliminate our inferior ego or sense of self. Truly I tell you that the cause of all my sufferings lay within and at this time of my life I am really struggling to try to understand myself.

    You don't need to believe in anything, and it's not contradictory to your other goals.

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