advice on moving past the ex *semi-story*

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by unigel, Nov 18, 2009.

  1. unigel

    unigel New Member

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    broke up with the ex about a month ago. we were pretty serious (planned on moving in together and eventually marriage). long story I moved across the country and she was in NY and stuff didnt work out long distance and I was not about to move back to NYC. So we broke up.

    We still talk but she tells me about how guys keep asking her out and she says no b/c "she doesnt want me to freak out again like I did the last time she 'went on a date'". My freak out was just saying I was shocked she would go on a date so soon since she said she had all these really strong feelings for me and I wasnt even close to be ready to see someone else.

    my question. I shouldnt care if she goes out with people since we're done and just friends, but I still do have really strong feelings for her. Should I just cut all ties for a while and let her do her thing and me do mine, or you think there is a better way to move on and still keep friends?

    any advice welcome
     
  2. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    The bolded.

    Until you do that and are willing to accept that the relationship is over, keeping contact/being 'friends' (aka too scared to let go and too jealous to not know whats going on) then you can continue with your life. Til then, you're going to be an insecure jealous ex b/f who doesnt want to let go of 'the love of his life'
     
  3. unigel

    unigel New Member

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    thats the thing. I keep telling her to do what she wants. Im not really angry or mad she is doing her thing I just told her how I felt about it. I want her to be happy and if thats her going on dates then so be it.

    but I see what you mean with the staying 'friends' as a way to keep connected and not let go.
     
  4. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    cut ties. trust me. you can be friends one day, much further down the road, but not right now
     
  5. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    +1

    Don't torture yourself thinking about her.

    It's natural to have regrets and lament the breaking of a relationship. Realize this, and do your best to move on and not torture yourself.

    Whenever I break up I look on the bright side. Suddenly, my hip clothing, going out to eat, and romantic gifts budget is slashed, and my comic book, video games, computer parts, and firearms budget is over flowing. :mamoru:
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Easiest fix ever:

    STOP TALKING TO HER.

    /thread
     
  7. unigel

    unigel New Member

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    STOP IT WITH YOUR LOGIC
     
  8. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    aww :( :hug:

    Honestly, I think by trying to be "friends" too soon it always messes it up in the process, and is the very thing that will make you guys NOT friends in the future.

    Also, it's confusing and a million times harder to move on when you try to be "friends" right away.

    It's best to take a period of time where you cut ties, then, once feelings have settled, dabble in the "just being friends" land.
     
  9. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    most likely you won't even want to be friends anymore.
     
  10. epracmetcon

    epracmetcon New Member

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    :bigthumb:

    That has actually helped me big time with my recent break up.
     
  11. C.W.

    C.W. OT Supporter

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    just stop talking to her.
     
  12. jackjohnson

    jackjohnson simple as something nobody knows OT Supporter

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    agreed on the obvious "stop talking to her". And hey it should pretty easy since you guys are far from each other.

    I had a hell of a time not talking to my ex. We live in a small town and have the same circle of friends. I still have to be around her once every few weeks and it's usually around friends so it isn't bad. I did run into her at the market a couple of days ago. God that was awkward– we just stood there with huge grins on our faces having awkward conversation :rofl: :hs:
     
  13. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    The real question is why you want to remain friends with someone who feels the need to tell you about guys asking her out :ugh: What a bitch. She's just trying to make you jealous and mess with your head.

    I have 1 ex that I stayed friends with and we did that by setting one simple ground rule. "Neither of us will talk to the other about any dating/sex stuff with other people" If you refuse to stop being friends with her then this is the only way to do it. But I would seriously rethink being friends with someone who is rude enough to tell you about going on dates and being hit on by other guys.
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You're a man. Use logic.

    :squint:
     
  15. euro_R

    euro_R OT Supporter

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    in :rofl:

    we broke up close to our year anniversary, and some money i had stashed away to help out with the plans, im going to use it to treat myself to a blackberry bold :mamoru:
     
  16. kopetzki

    kopetzki Banned

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  17. euro_R

    euro_R OT Supporter

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    btw, as said before..keeping her as a friend so early will only cause trouble..me and my ex broke up about a month and a half ago and she insisted on the friendship thing..because i have a soft spot for her, i decided to give it a go..

    it was an emotional roller coaster, we'd still go out soemtimes and kiss and all that shit..but it really wasnt doing me any good :o

    about 2 weeks ago i decided i need to stop treating her as if everything was ok, and started declining her invitations to go places, etc..

    fast forward to last week friday she invited me out and i denied..she blew up on me and we had an arguement..sunday we talked things out and realized that its best to give each other some space for a while because this 'friendship' was doing more harm than good.

    as much as it hurts right now to resist the urge to call her, i know it must be done :wtc:

    what i can say is that u need to spend some time on yourself..go hang out with your buddies, join the gym, start chasing some new tail :mamoru:..treat yourself..do what you can to not think about her/the relationship..and i know sometimes you cant help it but dont let it run your life :hs:
     
  18. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Fuck, beer. You come in here saying shit like that you're gonna leave me with nothing to post. :mamoru:
     
  19. epracmetcon

    epracmetcon New Member

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    Haha, yea, christmas is just right around the corner. I think my cobra needs some new go fast parts! (my ex broke up with me a month ago)
     
  20. Arkaybee

    Arkaybee New Member

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    I'm glad my ex told me we couldn't be friends after we broke up. I thought it was a good idea because I still wanted to be with her and be in contact with her. I can only imagine how much longer it would have taken me to get over her if we still talked.
     
  21. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Fixed.
     
  22. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    Eh, I dunno.

    IME, trying to be friends too soon is what messes it up. Granted, depending on the type of breakup/relationship, sometimes it'll never be in the cards to be friends.

    Then again, iirc, you advocate not being friends with exes, and not dating girls that are friends with their exes. I think we just have a different perspective on this :dunno:

    I'd also like to add, there's a HUGE difference between an active friendship with an ex, and just merely being on "good"/catch-up/we-share-mutual-friends-so-it-creates-more-drama-to-not-be-chill-and-friends-with-each-other-situations.
     
  23. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    So if you and I were dating, it wouldn't bother you if I wanted to be friends with another girl that I used to love, fuck, whose pussy and mouth I used to cum inside of, with whom I used to snuggle and have inside jokes and want to marry? You'd be totally cool with me wanting to be friends with her and you wouldn't ever question it??? :eek3:

    I guess.

    Although I admit it would suck if you and your ex shared a common group of friends and you still had to see each other because of that.
     
  24. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    exactly.

    i mean if she's so set on seeing someone so soon after the break-up, doesn't it make you question if she really wanted to be with you or had deep feelings for you? that is just what i would think, and the fact that it hurts you if she see's someone "so soon" then talking to her about stuff like that won't help you getting over her or the relationship. cut ties for now
     
  25. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    Depending on the context, no it wouldn't. Perhaps that's because I've managed to be friends with some exes, and I recognize that those things are all past tense. If someone was like.. BFFs with their ex, that might be different. But being casual friends? No, it doesn't bother me. That's assuming enough time has past and it's clear there aren't any feelings there anymore.

    To add to the latter, whether this has been out of necessity or not, I'm not entirely sure. The two most significant relationships in my life there was massive overlap of groups of friends. After the initial feelings of the breakup wear off, where you avoid each other, it's way too damn hard to play the, "oh, he's gonna be there? Sorry, I'm out" bullshit game. If you're on good terms, and "friends" [I'm using that term very loosely], then why cause drama/hardship in not only your life, but your mutual friends' lives? I'm a grown woman that can be mature enough, in time, to handle that all once all feelings have worn off.

    I'm not talking about you know, talking to them constantly, hanging out with them all the time, etc. Catching up from time to time? Hanging out every once in awhile [if in another relationship, doing appropriate things - you know, I'm not talking going over and watching a movie together or something like that, lol]? Hanging out within your group of mutual friends? No, I don't care, and wouldn't care.
     

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