SRS Advice on ignoring personality flaws?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by MovieMan84, Aug 14, 2006.

  1. MovieMan84

    MovieMan84 Here we go

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    Cliffs: How does one go about removing one’s personality flaws? Is ignoring feelings of aggravation a healthy response when such feelings arise? Me = :hsd: :noes: :ugh2:

    So I’ve been having a bit of an argument/misunderstanding with my girlfriend recently and I’m looking for some opinions other than mine and hers to help me understand her better. We were out a little over a week ago with a friend of ours and in the course of the evening, my friend and I managed to annoy her somewhat. She made it obvious that she was annoyed, but kind of sucked it up, and we had a decent evening, except it was pretty clear that she was a lot more tense than normal. I asked her about it later that evening when we were alone and she said it wasn’t a big deal and that she’d like to get back to me about it. Fast forward to Monday night (a week ago) and when I asked about the incident, she said that it really wasn’t a big deal and that she was ok with things. She then let me know that what this meant was that she was rather annoyed at the time but that she feels it’s better to ignore certain feelings of annoyance in situations like that. Basically, she feels like she’s always the uptight one in the group, and she feels like lots of little things bother her. She holds that by ignoring the feelings of annoyance in situations where she knows she ought not be annoyed that she can teach herself not to be as uptight all the time. Even after she explained it to me, this idea seems rather foreign to me. I’m a rather relaxed person by nature, and for me I’m usually able to calm myself down by focusing on those things that annoy me – basically the opposite of her approach. I’m just wondering if anyone has any light to shed on the subject. My concern is that by teaching herself to ignore certain feelings that she might overcompensate and ignore things that she shouldn’t, or else that by telling herself to ignore certain feelings that she’ll miss out on learning from them. She assures me that she doesn’t ignore the whole situation, but rather just takes the negative feeling and kind of suppresses it. Anyone have any thoughts for me?

    If anyone has any advice or thoughts for me, I'd love to discuss them in this thread. I'm unfortunately going to be gone for a few hours, but I'll be sure to check this thread often
     
  2. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    You can't really get rid of them. But you can redirect them, or become less reactionary in general. A bully can become... a bully towards bigots. Someone judgemental can become... a judge. Haha. Or you can work on becoming less reactionary in general. This happens through time, with age and wisdom, if you do it right. I find meditation helps.

    That being said, these don't really sound like personality flaws but compatability issues. You either work them out or break up. Talking about them is good.
     
  3. johan

    johan Active Member

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    ^^^ Yup that's just about it.

    Talk about your issues.
    Talking = no result?
    Talk more.
    Still nothing?
    Break up.
    Think about why. Really hard.
    Refine your selection criteria before making your next choice.
    Keep repeating until you find the one you want to be with...
     
  4. MovieMan84

    MovieMan84 Here we go

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    I'm sorry, I see that what I wrote wasn't entirely clear. Her personality flaw (in her words, paraphrased) is that she takes things too seriously, and becomes upset too easily (not just around me, or our friends, but in general...work, school, church, you name it). She's convinced that being reactionary (as you put it) or being too easily annoyed by life in general (as she puts it) is a personality flaw that must be fixed (by ignoring certain feelings).

    Unless you're saying that the difference in our methods of dealing with problems like that is the compatability issue...That's kind of at the heart of my question and I was just looking to see if anyone else deals with things in a similar manner to how my girlfriend does so I could try to gain some more insight.

    I agree with your point about meditation as a means of becoming less reactionary, and I guess that's something I do without thinking about it when I'm perturbed by something.
     
  5. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    What I wonder is if those feelings actually go away or if they get stored and eventually explode all at once.
     

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