Advice on communication

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Weirdo1769, Apr 30, 2008.

  1. Weirdo1769

    Weirdo1769 Guest

    Ok, so I made a thread about 4 months ago regarding my gf moving away to school and what not. (I am 23 she is 22). She was only 50 miles away and I saw her almost every weekend. Anyway, since we are both busy (although in the past few weeks I haven't been nearly as busy since I was laid off, but still am very busy) we don't get to talk much. However, it was established that we would at least try to talk for a mintue a night just to see how the day was and what not.

    Anyway, I'll call and she'll be like yeah I'll call you in a little bit I promise, and proceeds not to call. This has become a recurring theme for the last two weeks. She is now done classes and was home tonight. I was supposed to sleep over her house but shit came up with her family. So I call her to see what was going on tomorrow and she was like yeah i'll call you before I go to bed. Needless to say, she never called. I know for a fact she was up when I called her because she commented on a friends facebook and she definitely wouldn't have forgotten me since I left a comment on her facebook.

    Basically, I am in a rage because we talked about this at length that our communication is sorely lacking and needed much improvement. My question for all is am I being a drama queen and needlessly upset over this?
    I admit I am more sensitive than the typical male and she is very insensitive for a female. Not necessarily a good mix.


    cliffs: girlfriend never follows through with her word.
     
  2. ERabbit

    ERabbit OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2007
    Messages:
    5,947
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Newport Beach
    this sounds true, i live ~80 miles from my gf since i moved to san diego this year, but i'm in newport almost everyweekend working so thur-sun or mon i see her, and we talk multiple times a day just to see whats up how the days been going, etc. this is how you keep a relative distance relationship healthy

    her blowing you off in my mind is a serious sign of lack of commitment to you and it should piss you off that she's been blowing you off
     
  3. Weirdo1769

    Weirdo1769 Guest

    see this is how I view it as well. I told her, "look we can make it through this but we just need to establish some communication". I don't even care about multiple times a day, we both have lives. But I think it's important to set aside at least 2 or 3 minutes to catch up on things and just to say that I love her to her. She also has a habit of blowing me off on things we have planned. A few times in the past few months we have had plans to go out to dinner and then she goes out with her family instead. (they are uber-rich and go to 5 star restaurants). The problem is she doesn't just blow me off but friends will call her and she won't answer and not call them back.
     
  4. Weirdo1769

    Weirdo1769 Guest

    based on your location, do you know something that I don't know? :wtc:
     
  5. kiri

    kiri New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2006
    Messages:
    25,186
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Miami, FL
    if she's doing it to everyone, not just you, then maybe she's just a flake overall :dunno:. personally, flakiness is one of my pet peeves (not following through on plans, blowing people off, etc.), so if she refused to change i'd probably end it. but if you can put up with it then it might work. try talking to her about it, just as a general issue, like "it's really inconvenient for people when you blow them off. i don't care if you have something else to do, at least just call and inform me of that so i'm not waiting around to hear from you all night"
     
  6. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Wirelessly posted via wap.offtopic.com (SAMSUNG-SGH-I607/I607FG1 Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 4.01; Windows CE; Smartphone; 320x240) UP.Link/6.3.0.0.0)

    regardless of her reasons for blowing u off, she's still blowing u off and you're obviously allowing it. so she probably thinks "cool, i can do whatever i want and this guy will still put up with me."

    besides, i dont know too many girls w high interest wo would consistently blow off their BFs to go eat w their family. maybe once, if she hasnt seen her family in a while, but if she is consistently picking that over u, she has low interest and u should move on.

    and if she's teling u its cuz they are 5 star restaurants, then she's more interested in status and money than love, and u should get away sooner rather than later.

    the bottom line is women with high interest make time for u. they dont blow u off, and they dont not call/txt.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    You want some advice on communication? If you can't get her in person GET her on the phone right now and discuss this problem she has. Tell her that it's frustrating, hurts your feelings and is making you angry enough to become resentful. If she cares about you she will apologize and say she will work on it. If she continues to do it she is:
    *truly a fake and will never change (move on)
    *just doesn't really care abohut you enough (move on)
     
  8. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yep, do what beer said and call her up and get this figured out.

    And if she says she'll do better, but doesn't...well, then I'd think about stopping trying with her. I'm not coming from the "she's a bad gf" angle here, I'm just coming from the "who the hell wants to waste their time on someone who never does what they say they will do?"

    I've been through this. Short version of the story is that I finally got tired of waiting around for someone who would only show a quarter of the time, so I stopped talking to her.

    I expect my friends/SO to follow through on what they say, If something comes up, at least have the decency to call and let me know. I also expect my friends/SO to expect the same of me.
     
  9. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2003
    Messages:
    100,552
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Franklin, WI
    Some people just don't know how to communicate. They have been through past relationships where the guy didn't require any communication, etc etc. All you can do is let her know that you are a person who really likes communicating because you care about her and like to hear how her day went. Sometimes women look at this as trying to know everything and you're being snoopy and/or overbearing. I never understood what's wrong with showing you care and actually wanting to know what they are up to so you know they are safe/had a good day. Tell her you need to talk about this because things aren't looking good on your end. Try to get her to be in your shoes and have her see things from your end without accusing her or raising your voice in an argumentative manner. Hope that she'll work on it, and realize it'll take time/progress if she just hasn't had anyone in her life that wanted her to communicate with them on the level that you do. If it isn't working for you, then make the decision to let her go.
     
  10. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    she's not your girlfriend

    or, to put it another way, she's your girlfriend in title ONLY

    i lived apart from my first wife for about 9 months and SHE called ME every day

    i never once had to call her or ask her to call me

    if she doesn't call its because she DOESN"T WANT TO TALK TO YOU

    no one is that busy
     
  11. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    that's spot on

    everything you do sends her a message
     
  12. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2007
    Messages:
    1,346
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NJ/PA
    Dan?

    well I agree that you do need to talk every day, or at least text/message to stay in contact. This communication and daily ritual is important to keep a long distance relationship alive. Just once a day, so you can both maintain your own lives. If she cant keep up with this simple committment, she's not in the relationship. As much as you want to, you cant keep up a relationship on only one side. Also, if you're constantly throwing yourself at her, she's only going to become more and more resentful and she's going to want to talk to you less and less. I've seen it happen time and again with my guy friends who are more attached than their girlfriends. It sucks, but they always get kicked in the ass by the relationship.

    Call her now, tell her you need to talk and whatever else she's doing needs to wait. Then tell her that you need to increase the communication levels in this relationship to keep it going, or else you need to stop this game. When you get off the phone, you wait for her to call you, don't make an attempt to call her.

    She's home now, and you have the summer to try and deal with things. You also need to remember that she was probably going through finals and studying a TON, and finals/school stress have a great way of destroying relationships. But remember, she's used to being on her own, not with you every day, so give her space to be with her family/friends, and hang out with you as well.
     
  13. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2007
    Messages:
    21,652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area

    I'm not even in an official relationship with the girl I've been talking to and we still manage to talk to each other at least once a day. She lives about an hour away from me and we really only spend time together on weekends, but if we didn't talk daily it wouldn't feel like there was much connection there.
     

Share This Page