SRS Advice on a girl...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kortiz-DZ, Oct 17, 2006.

  1. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2006
    Messages:
    11,293
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northeastern Indiana
    Alright...so here's the story.

    I'm out Friday with a buddy of mine. He goes to this one bar a couple times a week and I tag along. We get there and there is this bartender that I'm immediately connecting eyes with. We sit down at the bar and order up some drinks.

    I find out she goes to the same college I attend and find out she's graduating at the end of December. Before the night is half over I find out she's single, but that she also has a 6 year old daughter...and that she's 26 years old (I'm 22).

    I'm intrigued by the fact that she's intelligent and still raising a child. I'm also intrigued that she's 26 (She's over that I want to be a slut, hump.).

    So I get her number and that was that.

    Well the following night was supposed to be some sort of opening for this beer garden that they have outside. My buddy and I decide to go back again...I show up to see this bartender chick and he brings his GF with him.

    We sat at a table instead of at the bar on this night so I didn't get to talk to her much at all. Before I paid my tab and left, however, I asked her what her plans were on Monday/Tuesday. She agreed to doing something on Tuesday because she works again at the bar on Monday. I told her I'd call her tomorrow (Sunday) and set some things up.

    Sunday rolls around and I'm working at School in the comp lab. About 5pm I give her a call and no answer....leave a message and that's that. I get no call back.

    Monday rolled around today and I decided if I was going to do anything with her I'd need to let her know what's up...called her again today at around 5. Left a message this time with my cell number in case she doesn't have caller ID on her cell. It's 8:42 (she's working at that bar right now) and no call back...which I had assumed I'd get a call shortly after I called earlier today.

    So basically, there's a girl that seems interested, yet won't answer or return my calls.

    What the fuck is my next step? Do I scratch the whole idea and say fuck it or do I even attempt to call her tomorrow?

    OT Asylum...what do I do?
     
  2. simbo855

    simbo855 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2006
    Messages:
    224
    Likes Received:
    0
    scratch the whole idea and say fuck it
     
  3. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2005
    Messages:
    18,222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KC
    I'm kinda chasing a girl around currently that is very busy with school and two jobs. I have the problem where about 80% of the time I'll call her and she won't pick up and I leave a message. A lot of the times she doesn't return my call till 2 - 3 days later. We do text message and she seems more responsive when I text message her, but I don't feel that "connection" when I can't tell her emotion texting back and forth. The bad thing is, I know she's a very busy person and works odd hour shifts and has school at night usually and she may not know exactly when is appropriate to call me or what not but I'm not 100% sure she's putting full effort into calling me back.

    If I were you on this situation is don't call her again. Wait, if Tuesday rolls around and nothing happens then go back to the bar again maybe later in the week. When drinking and what not and having a good time just slip in something about how she missed out on a great time with you and you wished she would have at least let you know she couldn't do it or wasn't interested. Let that be that. If you continue to call her that to me seems like you're trying to be pushy.
     
  4. Legend Zero

    Legend Zero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2005
    Messages:
    35,867
    Likes Received:
    0
    Just leave it at where it is. She obviously knows you want to have plans togeather. You called twice it seems and you left a message, so you know she had to have got your call. So either a.) she's just being nice and doesn't quite want to flat-out say "no," or b.) is pondering whether she wants to really do this or w.e... so just let her decide and if she gives you a call back she does, if she doesn't, than she doesn't...

    i have plenty of female friends that just don't kno how to say "no" when a guy asks for their number, even if they are not interested, and will give them their real number but just don't pick up unless its someone they know.
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    Sure call her, but basically, if she's not answering or returning your calls...doesn't that tell you something?

    Now there's a slim slim chance there's a legitimate reason for it...but typically, if the girl ain't taking your calls...she's really not that interested.

    If you really can't let it go, and need to absolutely CONFIRM it to yourself...then I'd give it a few days then drop one more very casual, very nonchalant call on her. She may or may not get back to you in a few weeks.

    That should then be very clear to you....
     
  6. crazy15

    crazy15 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2005
    Messages:
    2,897
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    YAY AREA & UCSB
    you did all you can do. you left 2 messages, if she is truely interested she will call you back. leave it as it is.
     
  7. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2006
    Messages:
    11,293
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northeastern Indiana
    Thanks for the advice. She agreed to tuesday...if she's interested, she'll call me.

    Otherwise...I've got a other things to attend to...i guess.
     
  8. newboundguy

    newboundguy New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2003
    Messages:
    259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Teh socal
    I wouldn't. My experience with dating someone several years older, especially with a child, isn't a good idea.
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Basically there's a girl that seems interested? Where? A girl with interest returns calls, keeps plans. Just because she set plans doesn't mean she is interested. She's interested when she follows through with them. She's disrespected you the very first time you asked her out. Ditch the number and move on.
     
  10. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2005
    Messages:
    18,222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KC
    Good advice. There is always that time when she may have an excuse, if you do buy into that excuse just because you may think it's truthful then if she plays you again then deffently lose the #
     
  11. Welsh0913

    Welsh0913 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2003
    Messages:
    38,188
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    DC
    If she's interested, she'll call you back. If she's not, she won't.


    You played your cards, the ball is in her court. There's nothing you can/should do.
     
  12. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2006
    Messages:
    11,293
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northeastern Indiana
    Basically, at this point...I'm not all that interested in what she has to say. I'll probably see her on Friday when I head to the same bar on Friday...but I'm not going there to confront her. Regardless of what her excuse is...I'm pretty much over the idea. So when it comes down to it...bitches ain't shit. I'll smile and nod...and order my beer...enjoy myself right in front of her.
     
  13. Welsh0913

    Welsh0913 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2003
    Messages:
    38,188
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    DC
    :bigok:
     
  14. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    Your story sounds exactly like that of a friend of mine. He met a bartender in the same sort of fashion, got her number, called and left messages... and she never called him back. He talked to me about it, trying to figure out what her problem was. When I questioned him about it, he told me that his first message was sort of wishy-washy: "Hi, this is so-and-so, just calling to say hi...", etc. That, I think, was one of his major mistakes. I'm not sure if you did something remotely similar, but for the purpose of the rest of this post I'm going to assume that you did.

    If you're calling a girl (or anyone, for that matter), call her with a specific purpose in mind - get to the point (no rambling or waffling!) and keep the message short and sweet. eg: "Hi, this is so-and so, calling to confirm our plans to meet on Tuesday. I know of a cafe on abc avenue that has great food and a chill atmosphere - let me know if you're interested in going there. You can reach me at 555-555-5555." Call once and leave one message if you don't reach her; it's her responsibility to get back to you, just as the responsibility would be yours if someone left a message for you. Optionally, if you don't hear from her, call again (once) the day before. Don't bother calling more than twice (three times at the absolute most) because you'll just appear needy - if she hasn't returned your calls by that point there's no sense in wasting your time on someone who won't spend time for you.

    In the example above, you've actually done a lot with few words:
    - you've called her with a specific purpose, removing any doubt about your intentions for calling (guys who call "just to talk" come across as needy at best, moving towards creepy - this is a perceived threat)
    - you've left a message that gives her a clear course of action - to call you back and confirm your plans
    - you've suggested a public place to meet, helping to allay her fears about meeting up someone she doesn't know (a potential threat)
    - you've left her an avenue to choose a different location for your meeting (if she feels threatened by your choice of venue, she has the option to discuss it with you)
    - you've demonstrated your expectations for both the response you expect from her (a returned call) and the tone for your meeting (casual).

    You've also done something called "assuming the sale" which, if you haven't heard the expression before, means to talk about something like it's already a sure thing. It's a sales technique which instills a sense of obligation in the target (in this case, the girl) as well as a sense of security. In the example above, you assume that she remembers who you are without you having to explain when/where you met, and you assume that she's committed to meeting you on Tuesday. Notice also that the phrasing of the message leaves her the option to discuss where to meet, but the meeting itself appears non-negotiable. If you've done things right, she shouldn't feel threatened by the contents of your message and she should feel obligated to return your call.
     
  15. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2006
    Messages:
    11,293
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northeastern Indiana
    Sound advice. I didn't use "just to say hi" I think I said "Just calling to talk" and then "just trying to get ahold of you"

    *shrug*

    probably just as bad. *shrug*

    I'll use this info next time i get a #
     
  16. Dabman

    Dabman New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2006
    Messages:
    5,900
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Back in the CA
    wow dude, thats exactly what im going through as well. was chasing around this girl also 2 jobs and school, always busy. we hung out a few times, once we were hanging out and it was great drinking a beer and she was totally into me, thought green light. went for the kiss we were making out, and its not like i was raping her. she was rubbing the back of my head blah blah.. anways shes like im always so busy, i dont wanna hurt you. im like i dont care, im only in europe till jan, i cant make anything too seriuos anyways. since then though, there have been a few text messages back and forth, i always have to send them first though. i havent even talked to her in a week now, i've pretty much just given up...
     
  17. jeyur

    jeyur cum fairy OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2003
    Messages:
    123,869
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    Bay Area Krew
    i think you've done your part. if she doesn't call you back then maybe you should drop it and move on
     

Share This Page