advice on a "break"

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by k624ash, Dec 9, 2008.

  1. k624ash

    k624ash New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2006
    Messages:
    446
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pa
    I started dating this girl 4 months ago (short time i know), we were crazy about each other, like it just felt special from the moment i met her. I realized i was in love with her even though it hadnt been long, and the night i decided to tell her that she said it first, we were on the same page like crazy.
    This girl hasnt had a serious boyfriend before and this is her senior year of college, she is super busy and all over the place. She said we should break up, but she hoped we would get back together. She even felt the need to tell me that her parents had broken up and gotten back together. About a week after that i talked to her again, the breakup got changed to a break to last christmas break. She will be home with her family anyway. When we had this talk we were like a couple, we kissed, held hands, she told me she loved me.
    Then we talked online a few days after that, she was bringing up our first date, being very romantic and flirty, and then at the end she said i love you ill talk to you soon. but wouldnt a break be about not talking?
    for the past couple weeks ive been on an emotional rollercoaster about this girl, never thought a woman would affect me like this.
    Ive pretty much decided to wait it out (she comes back at the end of january), so i guess its not so much advice i need, just insight.
     
  2. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2007
    Messages:
    5,712
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Providence, RI
    How old are you?
     
  3. k624ash

    k624ash New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2006
    Messages:
    446
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pa
    21, young and foolish
     
  4. k624ash

    k624ash New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2006
    Messages:
    446
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pa
    i know you can laugh at me for saying i fell in love, i understand. but everything just seemed right with this girl, she felt different then any other.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
  6. k624ash

    k624ash New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2006
    Messages:
    446
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pa
    Yea i hear you, and thats what i try to tell myself. I said to her i dont think we will get back together then. but she was adamant on telling me her parents broke up once and then people do it all the time. It just confused me that she fought for it so hard. but everytime i try to move on something happens and i get that false hope again. She will text me or call me or something, all romantic and talking about our relationship. Makes it harder to move on.
    i read my ex like a book, but i cant make sense of this girl
     
  7. k624ash

    k624ash New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2006
    Messages:
    446
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pa
    i never had a girl get inside my head like this either, i cant stop thinking about her. I never thought i would be that guy.
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Probably because you've only known her 4 months. It's not a lot of time to know someone. Next time she spouts off again about how her parents were the 1% of couples who took a break and got back together tell her really adults work through their tough times together.
     
  9. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2004
    Messages:
    65,832
    Likes Received:
    541
    Location:
    In a van down by the river
    Stop being a pussy.

    What do YOU want? If you try to follow the whims of a woman, you will be a downright, miserable, overworked, overtired dog.

    Do you want to be with her? then fight to be with her. Don't let her little bits of resistance turn you away. Stand up to her and tell her that you don't want to be a on a break and that you want to be with her, and that she has a choice to make: she is either with you or she's not.

    And then, whatever choice she makes, have the balls to follow through with what you said.
     
  10. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2005
    Messages:
    7,173
    Likes Received:
    0
    Honestly, move on! If she wants to be with you, then you would not be on a break.

    Seriously, when someone says they want a "break" it means they want to go sleep with other people and if things go south, they want to come back to you.
     
  11. k624ash

    k624ash New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2006
    Messages:
    446
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pa
    I fought for our relationship, im done, if she wants to get back together now she is gonna have to fight like hell for it cause im done.

    I think this might just be messing with me so much because this is the first girl to break shit off with me, ive always been the one to end things.
     
  12. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2004
    Messages:
    65,832
    Likes Received:
    541
    Location:
    In a van down by the river
    Why did she want the "break" to begin with?

    You never really gave much in the way of details. Was there something WRONG or was she just busy?
     
  13. ripcurl

    ripcurl Member

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2008
    Messages:
    832
    Likes Received:
    0
    beer always has links ha.

    I am in for details but so far it sounds like it's time move on.
     
  14. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1,816
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CdM, CA
    yeah, what was the reason for the break. out of the blue? fighting? too busy? i still never understand taking a break when someone is too busy.
     
  15. MIK3

    MIK3 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2004
    Messages:
    43,277
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    new jersey
    i've always seen a "break" as the easy way into a break up.

    if i were you i would just cut my losses now and start forgetting her.

    you're very young, i know you said you fell hard for her... but there are many more out there you'll fall even harder for.
     
  16. k624ash

    k624ash New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2006
    Messages:
    446
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pa
    She believes very strongly in her independence. Which is great, but she took it a little far. I think she was scarred of losing herself since she was getting really into me. I was fine with that, i wasnt looking to be like with her all the time or anything. but she blew me off one night when we had plans and then got all defensive and "i can do whatever i want". She is really kinda against the concept of a boyfriend at this point in her life. Not that she wants other guys, she just doesnt want to ever have to hold to plans. Im pretty flexible and easy to get along with though

    It was so back and forth though, like she would say "why dont you ever invite me to your house" or ask me why i dont make plans and stuff. So im like i try but you wont commit or you cancel last minute. She was do divided on everything, the only thing i was sure of was how much she was into me.

    I think she is just confused and not at a good point in her life for a commited relationship. but im not gonna deal with that now, maybe she will want to get back together, if that happens who knows if i will anymore. I guess i would be open enough to see whats up, but im moving on for now.
     
  17. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2004
    Messages:
    65,832
    Likes Received:
    541
    Location:
    In a van down by the river
    So, basically, she's immature.

    You can definately do better.
     
  18. giz

    giz Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2004
    Messages:
    15,634
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    salt lake
    I didn't want to mention it here in the Vag, but I am going through the EXACT same situation. gf says she still likes me, but can't be in a relationship right now. we were going really fast and it came to a point where it became too serious for both of us.

    so right now we are seeing each other casually instead of spending every waking moment together. I am torturing myself wondering what she is thinking, why isn't she calling, etc. but it is getting better as time passes.

    She came over on saturday (2 weeks to the day from when we supposedly "broke up") and we slept together, so I have no idea what is going on. I want it to work out and I believe she does too, just not at this time.

    Only time will tell. The hard part is living everyday in uncertainty.
     
  19. giz

    giz Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2004
    Messages:
    15,634
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    salt lake
    on that note, if anybody has any suggestions for dealing with anxiety, I'd love to hear them. PM or in here, but I hate to hijack this thread.
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    She's just not that into you.

    She cannot control her emotions or decide what she wants.

    When she's with you she's caught up in the moment and says I love you.

    But she knows that's not what she wants.

    HUGE red flag. If you manage to stay with her, she'll probably get "caught up in the moment" with another guy who attracts her, too.

    I know cuz I've been in that exact situation before.

    "I love you so much!"
    "I want a break"
    "I miss you so much!! A break was the wrong thing to do!!!"
    "I want a break"

    Guess what bitch? NEXT!
     
  21. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Welcome to the "withdrawal" phase. It sucks ass worse than anything else in the world :hs: :hug:

    Not being able to sleep at night, or concentrate on stuff during the day, etc. Don't take it as your body saying "zomg i love this girl." Take it as your body reacting horribly to a bad situation and a bad person. You logically know this person isn't right for you, you're just chemically addicted to her.
     
  22. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Look at it like this:

    You are crazy into your gf, right?

    So you should only want to be with a girl who is that crazy into you, too. A girl who doesn't know what she wants, or wants a break, is not that into you.

    Find someone with whom you're more compatible.

    Damn I wish I could go back in time and give myself that advice a few years ago.
     
  23. giz

    giz Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2004
    Messages:
    15,634
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    salt lake
    I have never been so close to wishing I was dead :ugh: the pain was horrific, emotionally and physically. I still haven't regained my appetite, I broke out in cold sores, and my blood pressure was through the roof the first few days (random nose bleeds).

    I'm doing much better now. The problem is, while I know this is a bad situation I still believe it is temporary. She definitely is NOT a bad person, we just went too fast for our own good. I'm still not convinced that we aren't perfect for each other. :wtc:
     
  24. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2003
    Messages:
    4,729
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Twin Cities, MN
    A break means 1 of 2 things...

    1. She is doubting whether she loves you or not. She is thinking about her future and if she sees you in it. She needs to space herself from you to see if she is tempted by another man in her life or if she just can't live without you. Sadly this is usually the least of the two.

    2. She is seeing other men, and isn't sure about the future of her other relationships, so she wants to keep you around as an option, but she doesn't want the guilt of being known as a cheater if she sleeps with the other guy or guys. Women often find themselves in love with multiple men, and because they can't decide they keep their options open for as long as they can.

    Women are much better at playing the dating game then men are. The only guys that can compete are pick up artists and players (not the same thing), because thier objectives from the beginning does not include a relationship with the woman.
     
  25. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Been there, too :hs:

    But the bottom line is eventually I realized I wasn't being treated how I should be treated in a relationship. You will eventually realize that, too. I'm sure there's more going on here than your gf thinking things are going too fast.

    It's something everyone has to realize on their own, but eventually you will learn that if either party wants a break, the relationship is over.
     

Share This Page