SRS Advice needed

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by mooredodge, Sep 25, 2007.

  1. mooredodge

    mooredodge 3,2,1 I'm the bomb...and I'm ready to go off in yo

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    I just ended my 8 year relationship with my fiance after finding out she has been cheating on me for the last two months with a married guy from her work. We were supposed to be married next year. I found out about her cheating on Saturday.

    The problem I'm having is I just cannot get her out of my head. I know this is normal. The thing is that she was such the sweet, innocent type of person that no one would ever think that she would cheat. I look at things around my apartment, and everything is attached to a memory of her. I close my eyes, and I see her. What are some good ways to get this shit out of my head faster? Any mental exercises?

    I'm planning on getting rid of the bed, I just can't sleep in there anymore. I even still lie on "my" side of the bed. I enter the bedroom, and just break down. However, I really don't want to/can't afford to get rid of the rest of my stuff. So basically, any good ways to disassociate my stuff from her memory? Thanks in advance for any advice offered. :hs:
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Let me first say I'm very sorry. But at the same time, this is a blessing in disguise. No one, not even yourself should expect to be over this by any means. The only thing I can say is take time to yourself and do whatever makes you happy. Unfortunately, the only way to get her out of your head is to erase her as best as possible. Don't talk to her or try to see her. If there are significant things around (photos, etc.) that remind you of her you need to get rid of them. And please don't let it bitter you from now on in any other relationships.
     
  3. mooredodge

    mooredodge 3,2,1 I'm the bomb...and I'm ready to go off in yo

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    Yeah, I've already ditched the photos, and I don't even want to see her, much less talk to her. I hope this doesn't ruin any future relationships I might have, but I really thought I could trust her with anything. I opened myself to her more than anyone, even my own family. It'll take a while to get past that, I'm sure, I just hope it hasn't given me trust issues I'll never get past.
     
  4. Chickenbum

    Chickenbum TOTW Winnar & Fav '06 ;)

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    Dude im so sorry.

    My Gf of 3 years pulled the plug on me a few weeks ago, at the time i was traumatised, I went to a counsellor and she really layed things out for me, seriously, go to a community counsellor and just have a chat and a cry, it helped me.

    But once again, sorry for your loss :(
     
  5. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    How did you find out? What was her reason for it?
     
  6. MrYads

    MrYads New Member

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    I'm also very sorry to hear it. Especially with it being your fiance.

    I'm going through something very similar as you know, but as people have been telling me, looks like a blessing in disguise. As least you found it before it was too late.

    Once again, good luck.
    :hug:
     
  7. mooredodge

    mooredodge 3,2,1 I'm the bomb...and I'm ready to go off in yo

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    She told me. She had come home last thursday and was crying. I was holding her and kept asking what was wrong, she said it was just stress and that she had stopped taking her medicine. I mentioned something jokingly about me being an asshole, trying to cheer her up. Then she said "no, I'm the asshole". I asked if that was because she cheated. She paused, and a guilty sounding "no" came out. I thought I might be reading a bit into it, as I've always been a bit insecure. Fast forward to Saturday, after "work". She came in while I was sitting at the computer. She knelt down beside me, and said "you always said you'd love me no matter what, right?" I asked why, and she said nothing and went into the kitchen. After spending 10 minutes trying to get her to tell me what was wrong, she told me she had cheated. I kicked her out. Then later, I decided I needed more information on what had happened. I texted her, and she said it was nothing to do with me, that she "liked" him, and it just happened. She also informed me it had "just happened" repeatedly for the last two months. Needless to say, I was crushed, and felt sick.
     
  8. mooredodge

    mooredodge 3,2,1 I'm the bomb...and I'm ready to go off in yo

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    Thanks for the input. I'll look around and see if I can find one. :hs:
     
  9. mooredodge

    mooredodge 3,2,1 I'm the bomb...and I'm ready to go off in yo

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    thanks, you too. :hs:
     
  10. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. No one deserves to be disrespected like that. I know it's hard, but be glad you found out now before you actually got married or had children.

    The only advice I can give is to completely concentrate on you for a while. Keep yourself busy doing the things you love. If everything in your apartment reminds you of her, move. Seriously. Get a fresh start somewhere. Have furniture you bought together? Sell it and get something new. Basically you need to have things that are just yours that aren't linked to her or your relationship so that you can remember that you are your own person with your own life.

    Also, don't be afraid to really lean on your friends. That's what they're there for. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself be angry. Let yourself mourn the relationship. Don't feel like you have to put on a smile. Don't get me wrong, you need to move on, but grieving is part of that process. If you try to get over it too quickly, it will have the reverse affect. Remember that it wasn't your fault and no matter what you did, she shouldn't have treated you that way. No matter how good or bad you may have been in the relationship, cheating is never deserved.

    Again, I'm so sorry.
     
  11. mooredodge

    mooredodge 3,2,1 I'm the bomb...and I'm ready to go off in yo

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    Thanks for the advice and kind words.

    I realized last night that I hadn't really loved her as much since her mom died. I know that sounds kind of like an asshole thing to say, but it changed her completely. She was never happy after that, and it kind of brought me down too. The way I'm looking at it now is that the woman I loved died then, and this stranger basically replaced her, and I never really noticed because I was living in the past. By that I mean I was still looking at her as the woman I had known before her mom's death instead of what she had become. Knowing that, it has helped me cope with the situation much better.
     
  12. Animall0versist

    Animall0versist New Member

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    I'm so sorry...Thats awful *hugs* remember that you always got all of us
     
  13. daxtrader

    daxtrader New Member

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    Sorry to hear about your situation. She threw away an 8 year relationship. How stupid of her. You deserve better dude. I know you're trying to be strong right now and you should. You'll probably go through emotional ups and downs the following weeks/months. One day you'll feel like you are over her and she's not worth your time. The next day you'll miss her and it'll hit you hard about what she has done to you.

    Your situation is similar to what I had gone through. The girl also said the same exact words that "it just happened" and she "liked him". WTF? Believe me man you don't want such a confused girl in your life.

    Please keep us updated on how you're doing.
     
  14. illmaceyougood

    illmaceyougood New Member

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    If you were together 8 years without getting married, then it's not surprising that it didn't work out.
     

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