SRS Advice: My ex-girlfriend story…

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Broken Dreams, Mar 3, 2006.

  1. Broken Dreams

    Broken Dreams New Member

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    Alright guys, thought I would post this here, it’s about my ex-girlfriend and I know you guys have heard a ton of these. So bear with me please…

    I was with my girlfriend for the past four year. Things did start out a little rough in the beginning and this was due to our age difference (she was four years younger than me). But soon everything was great and I was so happy with my life. I have been alone my entire life until I met her. She was my first girlfriend and I already knew she was the one I was going to marry.

    Then she broke up with me. I thought everything was going perfect. I loved everything about her and we were going to get married sometime. Even though we dated for four years we both saved our virginity for each. I have very strong morals and am saving myself for when I get married. I only hope she still is also.

    It basically boils down to she wanted to see other people. She tried everyway in the world to tell me it was my fault, saying something different every time I would bring it up. I was put through hell both mentally and physically over this, this has been the hardest thing in my life I have ever had to deal with.

    Well, it’s been slightly over three months since she broke up with me. I tried my best to work things out with her and wanted to more than she will ever know. It is just so hard to let go of someone you love so much. I’m still not sure if I’ll ever be able to let go. She was the perfect girl to me, the most beautiful girl and our personality’s went together great. I also worshiped the ground she walked on and treated her like a princess.

    Even though we broke up over three months ago, we just about keep in contact just about every single day. I know she was trying to holding on to me (I think..). She kept saying she loved me and wanted to get back with me, but just not right now. But her lies just kept getting deeper and deeper, even about whom she was dating and such. Because of this I told her never to call or speak to me again.

    Now I am currently alone again, something I never wanted to be again in my life. My best friend lives an hour away and I don’t get to see him very much. But I have some very positive things going on in my life. I’m a good looking guy, currently getting my Masters and have a bright future ahead of me.

    This has completely thrown me through a loop with my life. I have lost the person I loved more than life itself and wanted to marry. She always told me she would always be with me and would never leave me. I’m not sure what the future holds, but God has plan for all of us. I know I don’t see it now, but things will be better in time and hopefully I will find someone else I will love more than her.

    Yes, I am leaving out some details, but I was just trying to make this as simple/short as possible and remain anonymous at the same time. I know I’m not the only one that has gone through this or is currently going through it. So, any advice, questions or comments?
     
  2. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    If you love her, set her free. If she wants to see other people, there's nothing you can do about it - you wouldn't want to keep her caged; she'd be unhappy anyway and so would you by proxy. Consider yourself lucky that she figured it out now, rather than sticking with you and cheating on you later. If it's right, she'll be back, but don't wait for her. Part of setting her free is moving on with your life.
     
  3. Jester

    Jester OT Supporter

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    This is going to be more of the usual sort of advice, but it sounds like a lot of this is about your ego. I'm not saying that in a bad way; I'm sure you love her very much. I am also pretty sure that you love the idea of being with her just as much, if not more. You have this idea of you and her together, and you have relied on that for much of your self-esteem and your identity.

    I quoted these words because they indicate to me that you need to learn enough about yourself so that you can be completely comfortable alone; once that happens, you will be in a better position to make sure that in your next relationship (even if it is with her again), you know that you are all about the person more than you are all about the idea of being with the person.

    I don't know how much sense that makes, but basically, you need to find your identity without someone before you can really know if that someone is really what you want.
     
  4. Broken Dreams

    Broken Dreams New Member

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    I already know what I want in life and what direction I am going. I had a great relationship and now it’s gone. Everything else in my life is going great and I have some great plans for my future. I just want to share it with someone else.
     
  5. Broken Dreams

    Broken Dreams New Member

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    I do consider myself lucky and I thankful that this is happening now/happened. It would have been even more heartache later on.
     
  6. Jester

    Jester OT Supporter

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    I might have misunderstood you, but it seems to me that "not wanting to be alone," more often than not, is more the issue than the actual person you'll have to learn to live without. :dunno:
     
  7. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

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    I hope things work out for you... no matter what happens.

    I found myself in a situation very similar to yours a few months ago. August 5 to be exact. I had been with my boyfriend for 4 years...and he was also 4 years older than I.

    Anyway, VERY long story short, we took some time apart (at my request, or fault depending on how you look at it) and almost 5 months later, ended up back together again.

    I just needed some time to do my own thing. Meet some new people, and find out if I really loved him, or if I just needed him there. I found out that I didn't not NEED him, but simply loved him. We're back together now... and have been since the end of December.

    Maybe she's like me. She just needs some time; she probably is in a new kind of lifestyle (perhaps just starting college) and wants to do the things that her new friends are doing.... you might as well take some time for yourself, and find out if YOU love her... or if you just "need" her.
     
  8. Broken Dreams

    Broken Dreams New Member

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    Thanks for the reply DreamDemon. Unforchantly, I don’t see us ever getting back together. I did leave out some key details; let’s just say the lies never stopped. I also think I was cheated on. I do truly love her, but what she put me through is not something I will never forget.

    I heard this quote a few months ago and still find it true. “True love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends.”

    edit: typo
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2006
  9. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

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    Well darling.... again. She seems like she is me.

    I guess it just depends on how willing she is to come clean and start with a fresh slate... and also on your willingness to forgive.

    Once she's willing to tell you EVERYTHING you should know... I guess you can go from there. I guess I just want you to know that there is still hope depending on how you feel about it after you know.

    Give it some time... I think eventually things will be okay no matter which way your relationship goes.
     
  10. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

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    Oh yeah and one more thing I thought of that might explain her behavior. Again I'm just saying this because I know this is how I felt.

    I was scared that there was somethnig better, something more, and something different out there that I was missing my spending the most important years of my life with the same man I dated in highschool. After all, supposedly there are "more fish in the sea" (I eventually "went fishing" and found that I wasn't missing anything... But I just needed to know)

    As you know, there's a HUGE difference between high school and college.... Maybe she's curious. Talk to her... tell her to be 100% honest because at this point nothing else she could tell you would hurt worse than you already do... (this might be a lie, but it might make her feel more comfortable.)
     
  11. AshLee

    AshLee New Member

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    I am a girl and I am in the same place you were Broken Dreams. My boyfriend and I were together for a while and then he broke up with me because he wasnt sure. Well we were apart for about 5 months while he went through some tough times and so did I. I was broken hearted. But you know what? Our time apart I think showed us how much we do love each other because when we broke up we kept fighting over NOTHING it was rediculous. We have been together since December again and we are happier then EVER. I learned that I truely do love him and so did he. So just know that on your darkest day there is light at the tunnell..think about all the positives in your life! That is what got me through it. I hung out with my friends and just took it day by day. I know your life seems dark but there is a light at the end of the tunnel wether it be her or someone new and better :) I think you will make it
     
  12. Broken Dreams

    Broken Dreams New Member

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    Thanks DreamDemon for your replies. This is her second year of college, I think she is just really confused with her life.

    Also, thank you AshLee for your response. We also kept fighting a lot when we talked, even though we weren't together.

    I know there is light at the end of the tunnel sometime. I'm not sure if I could ever take her back with the lies and being cheated on. Also, if she does ever want to get back together, how will I know that its just not lies all over again? It is just hard to let go of someone because you can't just turn love on or off like a light switch. :(
     
  13. Broken Dreams

    Broken Dreams New Member

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    Well guys… it has been a week since I have talked to her. The last time we talked all we did was argue and said we never wanted to talk/see each other again. Today I seen her driving, in the other direction, and she waved at me. She didn’t look happy as far as I could tell. I waved back at her, but then I lost it and cried my eyes out. I’ve been sad for months now and I’m not sure what to do.

    Should I just wait this out? (well, this is the longest we’ve went without talking to each other, even during the past three months we’ve been broken up)

    Give her a call? I don’t know. All that I do know is that I still miss her very much and want to be with her. I’ll forgive her for everything that she has done wrong to me. I just love her too much. I still think about her every minute of every day.
     
  14. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    You can forgive her and still love her without having a romantic relationship with her. I would recommend against calling her at this time. Instead, keep yourself busy - if you can't do that with the way your life is currently structured, find some new activities to take your time and hold your attention.

    Doing things the same way you were doing them while you were together is bad for two main reasons - 1. It reminds you of her because nothing has changed, and 2. Even if you were to get back together right this instant, nothing has changed and you'll fall into the same behaviours again.
     

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